Just when you thought it was meant to be...

[loneisland]

Have you ever being in a tough relationship of complicated background where no one thinks it would work? Yet both of you fight against all odds, through the laughters and tears, believing in each others and holding on to the faith. Just when you thought it was meant to be, some small, or big, matters, happened, changed your mind dramatically and you realised that she/he might not be the right person for you... What would you do? Counting on the voice within or giving in? What about the hard (and pleasant) times spent and the sacrifaction that was too precious to lose? Any thought?

[sasha12]

Oh yes, i have been there. I was married to a guy that was ten years younger than me the funny thing was you would have never known just by looking at the two of us. But yes people would talk about us alot and we didn't really care because we were just doing what made us happy. Some people will just talk bad about others no matter what the circumstances but if I meet a guy I like nobody is going to stop me from liking him by putting there two cents in.

[Princess777]

Yes, I have definitely been there, and I still am. Read my latest post called "Husband continues to be self destructive".... No one supported our relationship from the very beginning. He has a bad past, we're both from small towns, I mean NOBODY wanted us to be together and EVERYBODY tried to break us up with various ways. I still do not have one person to this day that supports my marriage. His ex begged him back, my parents hate him, his parents hate me, he has a kid with the ex..... it's so bad and I have finally decided that he is not the right one for me. I've gone through 2 years of emotional turmoil. I don't know what kind of problems you have but I need to face reality and admit that we lost the fight. It is very difficult..... it pains me so much, probably more than anything in my life. The disappointment cannot be described in words. He continues to ruin his life and mine and I just cannot deal with it.

 

I was the only one who ever believed in him, EVER. I was the only one who's ever loved him, and the only one he ever loved. Throw all of that guilt on top of everything and it is a real recipe for major heartache.

[loneisland]

What I meant is that conflict inside yourself when you started to doubt that it aint gonna work, despite all being done? I don't bother too much about others either.

[sasha12]

yeah I guess I feel that way almost everyday but ya gotta take the good with the bad nothing is easy. If you really love the guy than try to resolve the way you are feeling at the moment somethings are worth working on.

[loneisland]

Hi Pricess 777,

I feel for you. I know it must be tough. Only my case aint that drastic. He is never a "bad" person, neither am I But I agree it is the guilt that makes me undecided, apart from the fear of accepting all we have had wasn't meant to be

[loneisland]

Hi Sasha, I admire your courage, really. thanks

[pineapplegirl]

>The little voice inside your head isn't so little sometimes is it? Yes, I've been there, in my most recent relationship and a couple in the past. When your head and your heart are in conflict, it's a little hard to resolve. And sometimes, during the conflict of the two, it's pretty hard to make a decision about what's right and wrong, and what you should do.

>Follow your heart (at least most of the time). The brain has the tendency to over analyze (I like to call it analysis paralysis) until you're shadow boxing with yourself...

[Lily04]

Loneisland - how old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I'm 19 & I feel the same way. I'm in a serious long-distance relationship and am wondering if it's really worth it..but we had such a great time together, were in love, but at the same time I feel like I don't know if I want to get so serious..there's that little voice in my head always questioning (well not always, just when I have some free time and I think 'maybe we should break up..' but then I think 'what if it's meant to be'? I don't know. I don't think you should feel guilty about it though, when you're young you're still trying to figure out what you want in a relationship (although what I thought we had was perfect, and thought I had it all figured out..like it was so perfect, it was meant to be..) I really don't know myself, so I don't know if I can help you out, but I feel like I can relate to what you're feeling.

 

Oh, also about the 'no one thinking it would work part' -- my sister was completely against my relationship from the start. She thought my guy was not good-looking enough for me, to put bluntly. My sister is model good-looking & I'm not too shabby myself, so she thought I deserved someone better in the looks department (in her words.) My dad was also against our relationship because he's not of the same nationality, which is really important to him. My sister (and initially my mom) were also really opposed to me dating him because he's now living on a completely different continent and I don't know when he'll be coming back (he says hopefully next yr to continue his studies, but it's not for sure.) Now I'm starting to doubt whether I want to stay together, but at the time I was willing to disregard their opinions (and convince my mom & dad otherwise, not my sister though) about some of their thoughts. So..if it's meant to be, you'll get around others' opinions, don't worry.

[Princess777]

Well I can tell you that there is no perfect relationship. There will always be problems, down times, and disappointments. The important thing to remember is that you cannot expect someone who is human to be perfect, or you will never be happy. The intimacy is what makes a relationship special, the times when you know what he's thinking even when he doesn't say anything, you know, things like that. The special secrets you have between one another that no one else knows, and just knowing that he respects you enough to always be honest with you. If you can trust him you have something really special, it's hard to find.

 

I think when you stop FEELING loved, is when you should consider therapy with that person or at least talk to them about how you're feeling... don't just throw it away without trying.

[Lily04]

hmm..initially I posted that 'there's definitely honesty in the relationship' but then I took a step back & realized that one of the reasons why I'm questioning the relationship is because I feel like he's not being 100% honest with me..I feel like he's trying to make himself look better than he really is to impress me/himself. I feel like there's some logic missing in some of what he's saying..

 

but when we're together there's honesty because I feel like I can tell him anything & he'll treat me with respect, and can understand me. I've never felt like that before with anyone, except perhaps my best friends. And that is really hard to find. I'm just confused..he's tried calling me multiple times long-distance as well, but I haven't answered because I don't know what to say, and I know I can't be all lovey-dovey anymore. He called once and I was quite cold without even really realizing it..I don't want to do that again, but at the same time I don't know if I'm really in love anymore.

 

And I'm also scared because I know I'm an utter perfectionist. People have told me this many times, and I know it myself. This is my first relationship though and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being too perfectionistic with him..i.e. if I expect too much. I don't know.

[loneisland]

thanks for all opinions.

Hi Lily04, i m 27. In some ways, my situation is very alike to yours. Lots of challenges, and we always need to fight against it. Somehow it is tiring..

Yes, the head sometimes over do the thinking. I know I can trust this guy.

It is just that I finally realised he loves himself more than he loves me. This might sounds ridiculous unfortunately I am sick on this matter. Perhaps from the past experiences, somehow I gave up and didnt want any relationship anymore. It was him who showed me love and I thought I could count on him. He still loves me, only not 100%. to me, that's a problem. I dont know it this make sense at all.