Still healing 3 years later and I need advice

[Lionator]

I'll make this as short as I can so people actually read it.

 

I was in a LT relationship with my girlfriend for almost 5 years from when I was 19 to 24. Up til today the longest we went without talking was 3 weeks. It's been 3 years since the breakup and we remained friends throughout, and yeah I can admit that I still had feelings for her (& think I still do). I've had 2 semi long relationships since then (about a year a piece) and she's been with the same guy for about 2.5 years.

 

Here's the problem, since we've been friends I've realized just now that she only talks to me when her and her boyfriend are fighting. We remained friends but she doesn't treat me like a friend...I guess we are ex's. I just I guess I don't know what to do from here. Do I just cut off all ties to her? Stop talking to her? I know I was a crutch at some points, now what do I do? I'm still friends with her family

 

This last Christmas was the first time we didn't talk talk to each other in 8 years. I feel a sense of relief and finally some closure, you wouldn't think these things take this long. We were friends on Facebook and I removed her about 5 months ago because I didn't want her knowing every detail of my life, and if she wanted to know she could ask.

 

Any advice is appreciated fully.

[Jennifer89]

It sounds like you both need more then three weeks apart.

[allcity]

^^This! I've been broken up from the love of my life for five years or so and am still not fully over her, since we've had contact every few months since the day we broke up. I can't imagine how I'd feel and how attached to her I'd still be if I'd been in contact with her every few weeks for this whole time.

 

If you want to get over her and move on, she's got to be removed from your life until you get there. Only then could you consider a genuine friendship.

[Lionator]

thank you...I really needed to read that.

 

So when she contacts me asking a question what do I do? She asks me things like...good movie recommendations bread crumbs like that?

 

What do I do?

[allcity]

Depends how you want to play it.

 

You can either tell her that you think that it's a bit pointless for you two to stay in touch after so long and that you think you both should just get on with your lives. Then tell her "Take care and be happy" and move on into NC.

 

Or just be ruthless and ignore her contact entirely from now on, without explanation. She'll get the message pretty quickly and you can avoid any awkward conversations.

 

Neither are easy. I'm in exactly the same position and considering which of these two to do next time my great love contacts me. It sucks but has to be done. Good luck man!

[humanity]

Or just be ruthless and ignore her contact entirely from now on, without explanation. She'll get the message pretty quickly and you can avoid any awkward conversations.

 

Please don't do this.

[allcity]

Please don't do this.

 

It's certainly the cowardly, selfish option. Easier on him, tougher on her. But it's an option nonetheless.

[Ms Darcy]

Just tell her that you really need to move on and find someone else and it would be best if you stopped contact with her.

[Lionator]

thanks for the advice everyone