mtski Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I had not talked to my ex for a month. On weds night i ran into his sister at the bar. She told me she was home because her grandma had passed away. Their grandma was very sick before my ex moved out of the country. So, she passed away last friday and the viewing and funeral were monday tuesday i think. well, i wasn't going to contact my ex but that's not me. i have a big heart. i know they suffered a lot when she was ill. i sent an email that night which may not have been a good idea, but the following morning i wanted him to know it wasnt just because i was out having a drink. so i told him i was very sorry again to hear about their loss but i know she is not suffering and resting peacefully. i then said, being thanksgiving and all i was thankful for him and the time we had. i know now that this is for the best and if it werent for him changing my path in life, i wouldnt be where i am which is going back to nursing school and getting a new job and bettering myself so thank you. i said youre a great person and i wish you all the happiness life has to offer, i know you will find it. short and simple. that was yesterday. he never replied. i guess i knew he wouldnt so im not too bummed about it. i just know its time to let go and move on. ive done all i can do. he will always have a special place in my heart, he knows that. but, i couldn't sit there and say nothing knowing his grandma had passed and after being there when they got the news about her cancer. that's just not me. im sending his mom a card, and with that, my hope. sealing the card and saying good bye to that chapter of my life. Link to comment
bw92116 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Well I'm sorry for your losses. It's sad to say goodbye to a chapter in your life, I'm doing the same thing right now. But they say over and over on this forum that you can't heal until you accept that it's over and let go. So I'm trying to do that for the sake of my own healing. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I think breaking NC to provide support when a family member dies is excusable. But I think what you did after that sort of ruined it a little bit. Hear me out. You sent a lovely message of condolences to him - which you then followed up with mentioning the break up and your relationship with him and how you feel about him still. That's making it about you. I think, if someone did this to me I would take their original message as an excuse for them to talk to me and therefore any heartfelt things said after that would just go unnoticed. I completely believe you are greatly upset for him and his family, but at the same time you did jump at the chance of throwing in all the extra's like, but the following morning i wanted him to know it wasnt just because i was out having a drink. Why would he think you were only messaging him regarding the death of his grandmother just because you had had a drink? And even if it was obvious you had, why would that immediately cancel out your sorrow for this event? You heard about the news whilst you were out drinking, and you messaged him as soon as you'd gotten home - that is perfectly normal as it was. so i told him i was very sorry again to hear about their loss but i know she is not suffering and resting peacefully. i then said, being thanksgiving and all i was thankful for him and the time we had. i know now that this is for the best and if it werent for him changing my path in life, i wouldnt be where i am which is going back to nursing school and getting a new job and bettering myself so thank you. i said youre a great person and i wish you all the happiness life has to offer, i know you will find it. short and simple. that was yesterday. he never replied. I honestly believe this is where you went wrong. His grandmother has just died - he doesn't want to hear your blessings for his future happiness and relationships, that's not where his mind is right now. I think it is a nice message overall, and thoughtful of you - but you have mixed it with a message of condolence for his grandmother. This would just tell anybody that your excuse was to offer support - but then to slip in how lovely you still think he is and how great he made your life. Do you see what I mean? Link to comment
mtski Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 yes i do see where you are coming from but i dont care. i did want him to know im sorry and then i wanted him to know i was thankful for him on thanksgiving. i didnt ask anything of him, i only offered him well because i knew he wouldnt respond and its time for me to move on. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 yes i do see where you are coming from but i dont care Alright, well I'll keep that in mind next time I make an effort to help - thanks! Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I also agree with Ceelambrini because that's how I took your emials awell. One to console, but then you jump right in with your own email about your break-up. It does look like that's all you wanted to talk about. Just saying. Link to comment
mtski Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 i see that. and he could have taken it that way. and if he did i truly apologize to him. i took my condolences and basically trashed them. but what am i to do now? ive already messed it up. i guess they were really two separate emails. the second one should have never been sent but i was feeling emotionally thankful on thanksgiving and wanted him to know i was thinking of him with well wishes. but i guess i shouldnt have sent the second one because it probably irritated him. its too late now though. i mean what am i to do. ive already messed up. Link to comment
mtski Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 i didnt even realize i did that until you pointed it out. now i feel terrible Link to comment
infinitesigma Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 i didnt even realize i did that until you pointed it out. now i feel terrible Just let it be. Not responding could be a result of what others have said or he is occupied with his grandma's passing. Either way, it shouldn't matter to you now, so don't worry or assume. Your part is done. Breath, realize it will be okay, and go back to focusing on healing and NC. Link to comment
mtski Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 thank you so much Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Just don't do another mistake and don't write another letter to apologize about your 2 previous letters and mixing all up. Link to comment
infinitesigma Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Just don't do another mistake and don't write another letter to apologize about your 2 previous letters and mixing all up. Haha... 15 years ago I was going through a pretty painful breakup over this girl I was engaged to (we were too young). I did this, but worse. Sent her an email expressing my feelings. Didn't get a response. Sent an apology email. No response. Sent an angry email but quickly regretted it right after. Called her to apologize, she didn't answer. So I sent an email apologizing. She finally responded and it wasn't nice. Live and learn. It's terrible how much the anxiety and panic during a breakup can cause all logic to be thrown out the window. Another reason NC is the best route. Link to comment
mtski Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 if im really lucky... maybe he had blocked me and never received them he blocked me from everything else, he probably blocked me from email and that would make me feel so much better. ill just lie to myself and tell myself he blocked me and didnt receive them. see i feel better already Link to comment
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