Pls Give me some good news!

[holaguys]

Hi everyone,

Is there anyone or knows about anyone who has gotten back with their ex after not talking to eachother for months. I mean if one resents other and never wants to talk due to misunderstanding.

If yes, how?

in desperate need of some hope.

Thanks

[CamaroJoe]

Just pretend you don't need the other person. But if and when they come on to you 'again', accept it. But kind of play it off a little (be hard to get) at first to make them want you back even more.

Usually, a person will want you more if they feel you don't need them.

i'm sure you've heard the cliche: We all want what we can't have ...and that plays a role in my second sentence.

 

 

g'luck

[CamaroJoe]

but you have to make contact with the other person first...try to be around them if possible, even if one of you resents the other. if there was something there before there's nothing that says there can't be something there again.

[reborn]

Hi there holaguys,

Well, I have some good and bad news for you. My ex did come back to me after six months after having broken up. I wasn't sure that would happen however, cause my situation was just plain B-A-D. You can read my earlier posts under my profile and just see how unlikely his coming back seemed. He had told me he was no longer in love with me and never saw us getting back together. Then he came back, and it was like a dream come true. You can read my old posts and see how I acted, maybe it will give you some pointers. I did do no contact, which I think helps a bit to keep your self respect and project an image of not being all needy and stuff. Also I was relaxed, casual, happy and brief any time he would contact. If he emailed me 2 lines I would answer back 1 only at least 3 days later. It was a bit game playing a bit anger and pride on my side for him having dumped me. It did work at the end though cause eventually that moved to him moving up the communication lader and going into phone calls. I acted totally casual and friendly, but not TOO friendly. Joked as I usually do, and just let him take over the conversation, and kept my mistike. Also cut him short after about 7 minutes cause my friends were waiting for me to go to a the towns party that night. I felt totally horrible and deppressed after that conversation, but after coming back together he said that my great attitude and the nice time he had while talking to me on the phone made him miss me a lot and truly make him consider getting his way back to me.

 

Bad news, is that after 8 months he dumped me again. I guess one of the main reasons being that though I walked the walk and talked the talk of having moved on, emotionally I was feeling very deppressed and incomplete without him and just spent my days for those 6 months we were apart pining away for him and praying to God to give him back to me. I was never really well on my own or ever really gave myself the chance to properly heal. When he did come back, the fear of having him dump me again was fresh in my mind so every time he would act weird at all I thought he was about to dump me again or I got really insecure. I didn't necessarily express that but it did start eating away at my confident demeanor eventually and showing up in insecure attitude that doesn't help any relationship. That and some external preassures just didn't help. At the end he dumped me, again.

 

This time it did hurt more, but in a different way. I do find it easier to move on this time, however I feel that my self steem and self respect are more hurt than I could have ever expected this time, and lower down on the floor for me to pick up this time. There are effects for being dumped again and again, and going back with the agressor. I didn't want it to happen and neither did he. When you go into a relationship for the first and most importantly the second time, it you go with the best and purest intentions of making it work. But I think it must be said that though it may work for some people, cause all cases ARE different and Im not into cookie cutter solutions (human beings in general and specially romantic relationships are way too complex for that) most 2nd chance relationships have more odds of not working than not. Ex's are ex's for a reason though at the time right after a breakup one of the only things that can confort us is to think we will go back with them.

 

Play it right. Wether it is worth it or not to go back to them is irrelevant. But you increase your chances if you play it cool like I did. Best of luck to you and I hope all of your heart desires come true. Hang in there and be positive and love yourself and respect yourself in the face of pain.

 

-Reborn

[reborn]

Oh, and if there was a misunderstanding, why not break the ice. However, be casual and be friendly. And ask open ended questions if you email them such as: how is your work going? How is your family? and something of interest to them that you know about. Then after they answer you can propose meeting for a coffee or something like this. Do not mention relationship at this early stage of contacting. Then concentrate on spending a nice time, or apologize or give a brief explanation if you think the situation calls for it to get passed the resentment and misunderstanding between you. This is delicate however, and you must know when to do it. Think about it well, and whatever you do make the first contact casual, non threatening and open ended.

 

Specially in the case of guys it is really important to end those emails in some open ended question that he would have to answer. Many times men do not answer back email unless they have something to say. This has nothing to do with them loving you or not, or having interest or not in you. It is just part of their nature. Hope this was helpful. I wish you the best of luck in all you do regarding your ex, and hope it all works out just as you plan and want it.

[holaguys]

Thanks for the great advice all you guys!

Reborn : your reply was really enlightening and all made sense. I dont know what i am going to do. But you are right when you say that ex's are ex's for a reason.

I cannot get mad at him. I really reacted in a immature way after the break up.

I dont know what I am going to do. maybe just leave it as it is!!!!!!!!

And act cool. If its meant to happen it will!