Devastated by a break up

[ChrisR]

Hello dear members of the enotalone forum!

 

I had a relationship of about 5 weeks.Everything went amazingly fine.The harmony in the relationship was excellent.We discussed about everything, we laughed about anything, it was great.There was absolutely no sign of tension between us.It started to be a symbiosis.Suddenly, after 5 weeks, she told me, out of nowhere, that she never wants to see me again.I asked her why and she said that she cant even figure it out.She told me that she will tell me, when she finds out.So, I started analysing what went wrong, but I couldnt find any major error I made.I tried to find more out from her friends, but they were as informed as I was on this matter.I fell in a depression, I couldnt understand why she was treating me this way, what did I do wrong.Was it even my mistake?If you are looking for things that could've triggered the split, you find many issues about yourself, many imperfections.Every day, they become more and more.This selfdestructs me more and more, day by day.I told her this, but she didnt quite care.I wonder why she left me.Any advice is appreciated.

 

Thank you,

 

Chris

[melrich]

Hi Chris,

 

Sorry you are going through some heartbreak at the moment. Your relationship was very short and funnily enough these can be the hardest to get over because you are still in the very passionate stage and you are probably wondering what might have been.

 

Truth is you have probably done nothing wrong and over analysing the situation is just going to drive you crazy. 5 weeks is barely enough time to get to know someone. Sometimes people just have a feeling things aren't going to work out, they can't see the longterm future so decide to get out in the shortterm. Your ex is likely telling you the truth when she says she doesn't know why she ended it.

[ChrisR]

I cant understand this.If i break up with someone, I *do* have reasons, objective/ subjective ones."I do no not know why I broke up" is impossible for me to comprehend.There is a reason behind any human action, especially an important one.A spontaneous "Lets break it up" decision, without any brain activity, is not really possible.And she didnt say "Lets break it up"...she said "I dont want to see you *ever* again"...thats a bit more harsh...

[melrich]

Not really. Could you explain clearly why you no longer like to play the games you played as a 12 year old? Fact is you simply grow out of them. You change, all through your life your wants and needs will change and you will not even notice this, less be able to explain exactly why. People change most when they are young, our tatstes, likes, dreams and wants go through rapid change from 13 to 25. That is a cycle of life and not always easily explained.

[Cyndane]

Dear Chris,

 

I can understand the pain and devastation you're going through as I had a similar (though slightly more complicated) experience a few mths back. I became very depressed and almost failed my exams.

 

The truth is, there are sometimes no answers to the questions we ask. I kept asking myself over and over, why did he leave? And everytime I did that, I would blame myself - that I wasn't good enough. We want the answers because we think that if we can figure it out, we can win the other person back and that's not true. If they've made up their mind that things aren't going to work out, they're not coming back regardless of whether you figure everything out or not.

 

So please don't blame yourself and surround yourself with people who care and love you.

 

All the best

[ChrisR]

Thank you for your replies.I appreciate your support.