She says she's an ASPIRING lesbian....but I REALLY LIKE HER

[bamaboy45]

I met this girl last week in California at a convention and we live accross the US from each other. But we connected in such a strong way in such a short amount of time. I was blown away by how amazing she was and so was she. We fooled aorund, but stopped before the sex. Then she told me she was "an aspiring lesbian". I really didn't take it as very serious, or maybe just as a passing thought on her part...

But yesterday on the phone, I said, we should be open and honest with each other:

She said, "You're a keeper - you're beautiful....and if you were here with me, we would date -- but evetually you would get fed up with me because we would never have sex because I trying to be a lesbian."

But she's plainly told me I'm attractive and that I look "damn good". and she would obviously date me...so what's this whole lesbian thing?

Is there a way to win her?? This could very well "be the one" and I don't want to lose her...

She's had feeling for men before and dated guys....and I dont' know if she's ever had sex before...

 

I have never felt so close to someone- and especially in such a short amount of time. I want to see about visiting her in a few weeks...What should I do? How should I act? How can I make her see that she really doesn't want to be that "aspiring lesbian" that she said she wants to be? And I really wouldn't even mind if she was bi, but I really don't think she's inheritly a lesbian, not by the way she talks and acts around me. Please help!

[SwingFox]

Hi bamaboy,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to say that you are going through a hesitating situation. I understand that you like this young woman that thinks she wants to be lesbian.

 

The truth is that she might be right, though. That she has feelings of making love towards women only. People can be close friends like that anyways. I can tell from experience. I have a friend that is actually gay. I am really not into that, but I respect his feelings and accept him as he is.

 

What you do? You have several options:

1) You start to chase her

2) You give her time

3) You just become close friends

 

Personally I advice you to go through step 2 and 3 simultaneously, so that you get to know her very well. You might want to visit her, but only on a friendship basis. Meanwhile you give her time for figuring out her feelings. Be there for her and keep telling once a while that you are interested in her. I hope that this will lead to more for you. If not, you still have a close friendship with her.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck in any decision you make that will work for you.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[bamaboy45]

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly...its really hanging on my mind...bothering me, everyday...

 

I also remember her saying that she doesn't think she was capable of loving a man. But she has said she came close 1 time a few months back...which I think that if she has the right man....she could. That's the window of hope I'm looking to open with my trying to get her.

 

If she's so interested in woman, why is she messing around with me physically? I don't think I'd even care if she was bi, but just letting herself like men (previous boyfriends and such) and then saying, she's an aspiring lesbian...it just boggles me. A few people I talked to said, you either ARE or AREN'T gay. And its really weird, but I don't even look at her and have a strong sexual drive as I do with other girls. So I know its more who she is/feeling relationship rather than what she looks like, and all that other junk, I wanna get in her pants type thing.

 

I'll take your advice and delicately hint sometimes about "us". I can respect her decision, but it really sucks that I girl I'm so "close" with I can't have. Guess its my luck. I just wish there was something I could do to make her see that I can and want to give her more than another girl can, and I'll prove that to her in anyway I can.

 

Thanks alot for your help!

[lost88]

Since you and her live so far away i dont know why u would try to date her. id just try to be here friend for now. Maybe by gaining her friendship u can win her heart over. the whole lesbian thing is crazy. maybe she has been hurt by alot of guys in the past. she cant try to be a lesbian.. U are born that way or thats what i think.. its not somethin u learn or pick up. good luck