time to re-invent myself but ill need your help

[dyna]

Ok so ive been the same for too long now i need to get my life back on track, get my self confidence up and and kindle my willpower. can you fine ppl light a spark in me?

ill give a rundown of me and i would like you to chip in any thoughs or ideas to me to build and progress on,

 

im 31,overweight,anti social, drink way to much booze,i say i cant alot and generally get told i cant do alot, which knocks myconfidence even more lol, i also find it hard to stick to something once ive started it, ok so thats the bad points. also id say im unhealthy lol

 

on the pro side of things im patient, kind and helpful, im a good dad and have a good work ethic and will always put myself out for others usually at my expense lol

 

i need goals but for the life of me i dont know where to start because soo much needs to improve,

 

any replies would be very helpful and any tips or idea will be greatly recieved thanks.

[cocoon2012]

what is you art..how do you express yourself...do you have some interests of your own self...what you do when all left by yourself?..

[dyna]

i like reading and music etc and when im left alone im on the pc but for too long i guess lol, hmm i can b quite shy around people and take the longwinded approach to conversations i also tend to switch off sometimes i dont mean to just it happens

[cocoon2012]

what is the last few topics you have been reading?..what kind of music do you listen to?..do you do games on pc or what? lol....what is the bigger concern and bigger picture in your life...

[sonicfan287]

Okay, I'm going to try to help you as best as I can, and I know some of this will seem simple, but trust me, it can work.

 

I'm 23, and not too long ago was also going through a lot. Let's just say I was so down on myself and so low in confidence that I ended up in the Emergency Room for attempting suicide. I don't know if depression or ADHD runs in your family or has ever been a concern but that's a first place to look, I highlight it only because without doing so, a lot of other things will just be blocked. It depends on the person, of course but to put it in perspective, one of the 'new things' I did to get myself out of my hole was learn guitar. I'm still not a great guitarist nor do I think I will be in any short amount of time but I'm patient with myself and know it'll take a long time. Before, my depression held me back, made me think every mistake I made just meant I should give up and sure I could ignore that mental voice, once, twice, maybe three times but after a while... yknow?

 

But even so, check with your doctor, family physician, therapist ANYONE and the reason I mentioned ADHD is because even with the proper anti-depressant, I became discouraged by something you highlight, inability to start a job or inability to finish it, poor follow through which only hindered my confidence. I'm sure you're a responsible guy on the inside and want to do the right thing and all that but have you ever felt like you just COULDNT bring yourself to do it...? Again, I know medication can be a controversial topic and isnt for everyone and there probably IS a way to get through certain hurdles without relying on it (which I don't believe I do, but I'm on Concerta and I find it helps) but again, these are just general suggestions that you can narrow down and make as specific as you'd like.

 

Aside from depression/adhd/anxiety/etc. disorders, the next step is to focus on something, just one thing, because you can only do one thing really well, and once you've done that, you can do other things but don't try to do EVERYTHING in a day. For example, you highlight quitting alcohol (or cutting back) as a goal, so thats a great starting point. Alcohol as you know is a depressant, and substracting a negative inadvertedly makes a positive. Its not always easy, I'm sure but try replacing alcohol with another good tasting drink, its kind of a "Weaning" thing. I know soda isn't a healthy alternative but make it soda if you like it. I know I love mountain dew and maybe you love something like that. Something thats technically not great for you but better than drowning in alcohol, yknow? And the thing is, once you realize how much healthier you may feel from doing that, you may want to feel even HEALTHIER and switch to water, fruit juices, other things, and in food terms, different diets.

 

Im not very good at highlighting extremely complicated plans because it sounds like this would be a multi faceted operation, but I dont mean that in a bad way. ANYONE's self improvement is multi faceted so for me to "dumb it down" into one concise message is almost impossible, because there are separate steps involved in improving your diet, your socializing (something I still struggle with btw, more people struggle with it than I realized, but some are better at hiding their struggles than others)

 

I just noticed your topic and the nature of "reinventing" yourself and I felt compelled to venture a response forth because this is something thats deeply effected me in this past year so I'd love to help more people with their personal journeys towards a better future. Gosh, that sounded smaltzy, like something on the back of a hallmark card.

 

Best of luck to you in your journey towards a better future...

[AJLove]

Hi dyna! By outlining your good qualities, you have already walked the first steps of your 're-invention'! Changing yourself for good is so much easier when you do appreciate your positive qualities, too. I would recommend that you write them down with a pen, on a piece of paper. It does make a difference when you write something with a pen, believe me! So, when you do that, read them every day and try to apply them even more in your life! By consciously being a kind person, a good dad, etc. you feel good about yourself.

 

The next step is to set just a few more goals, maybe even one. And don't think about how many of them there are! Once you get the ball rolling, things will start happening for you effortlessly. I would say the losing weight goal will work best. It involves physical exercise and healthy eating, and these do have many positive spill-out effects that will affect many other areas of your life like your overall confidence and ability to communicate with people. Give yourself a very short period of time - just three weeks. Stick to some physical activity and slightly improve your diet for just three weeks. This is the time you need to see positive results and this is the most difficult part of all! If you manage to stick to something for three weeks, you would have already formed a new neural pathway in your brain and it would be much easier to keep going in the same direction. And most importantly - don't think about the 'whole big transformation' that you aspire. Reward yourself for the small steps you take each and every day and things will happen by themselves, without you even noticing!

[becomingkate]

What is the one thing that bothers you the most?

 

When I'm looking to make changes, it can be overwhelming if I try to change everything at once. I usually start by making little changes.

 

- if you drink too much liquor, cut it back bit by bit. Instead of buying a 12 pack of beer, buy a six pack.

 

- if you want to lose weight, give up something every week. This week, give up sodas and next week, give up french fries. (I can usually lose a pound a week this way)

 

- if you're too anti-social and want to start getting out more, start by doing something social with your children. If you feel up to it, volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank. (you could donate all the "bad" foods from your pantry as well)

 

The added bonus of volunteering is that it usually makes you feel like you're giving something back, and that is good for your self-confidence. Little steps can go a long way to changing your life.