Whats going on with my friend? Long post

[DrkRaven]

Just what are the signs someone is into you? I’m wondering about my best friend. I’m 25 she is 24

 

Now I’m not the type to want to push up on my friends like that. Thing is, when I first met her, I hit on her, and she bluntly told me she was straight and we became friends from that moment on. But her recent behavior has been bothering, because she has started acting quite strange

 

I’m of the opinion that if someone wants something to happen, it would happen.

 

Which was my opinion till multiple close friends of ours asked me what was going on between my best friend and I, and one to the point of bluntly telling me that she has feelings for me.

 

She and I are spent almost every moment together. Which would be ok, until she started saying thing like “you have beautiful eyes” and that “we should go to a gay club together.”

 

Note: my best friend has refused since I met her to set foot into a gay bar/club. She angrily refused it once when a group of friends of ours wanted to go.

 

I told her I was going to a wedding of a friend, but was nervous because people I knew who stopped talking to me when I came out would be there. She said she could go with me, and be my girlfriend.

 

I pushed all of this out until when I was considering getting back with my ex, and my best friend was coming to my place that night and my ex was there and we were arguing. My best friend was outside my front door and when I opened it for my ex to walk out my best friend got angry at me, yelling at me and crying saying she was sick of it and was done and that I need to do better. That, I ignore people who actually love me and would treat me well. That I should go ahead and be with (my ex).

She was angry and crying and I told her I was sorry (I was crying too). We made up. But her reaction freaked me out.

 

I got back with my ex (did I mention I’m a sucker) and she suddenly became very….cold. I mean she can be like that with other people but never with me.

 

We all went to a bbq together and she was…less than friendly and when I asked her what was going on she said I was all over my girlfriend calling her “baby” and stuff and that I ignored her. She made comments of how I would choose my girlfriend over her and she will always lose and that she already lost.

 

All this I ignored thinking she was having a bad time. And then she texted me one day about a week later saying we weren’t friends. Vanished. Didn’t answer my calls or whatever. Didn’t even tell me why.

 

So after 3 months I did finally get up the nerve to send her an email, telling her I’m sorry for whatever it was I did and that I missed her etc. I was really heartbroken and such. I think I may have been a bit emotional in the email.

 

She did reply shockingly, and said she missed me too and missed talking to me. She also said that as of right now she wants to forget the whole thing and asked me to forgive her and move on with our friendship. She said maybe we can talk and figure things out later and that there were some things she wanted to say to me but never could and that life’s too short etc.

 

So we’ve been avoiding the subject to of her 3 month disappearance.

 

I’m too chicken to come right out and ask her what happened. I’m afraid of what her answer will be. Am I reading too much into this? I asked a couple of close friends what happened and they just said she had some mixed up feelings .

 

How do I approach it?

 

Any suggestions?

[Roxie84]

Hey there,

 

Well as an outsider hearing this story, it sounds like being friends with you has opened her mind where homosexuality is concerned. Perhaps your friendship has opened her up to the idea that she might be gay. If I were to take a guess, I'd say she is experimenting with the idea in her mind (she's in a state of being bi-curious). And you being her best friend and gay means she is going to feel the most comfortable with you. However, she is confused. She knows that if you two got involved and it didn't work out, your friendship would be damaged.

 

Again, I'm just speculating here.

 

I'm sure you'll get a bunch of opinions here, but I'll tell you straight up that when I want definite answers, I get sneaky and go right to the source. Many people may disagree with my method, but straight up, if I want to know what someone is thinking, I'll go online and pretend to be someone else. I would find her on a dating site, or message from a fake fb account, a chat room, anything to get her chatting with this friendly stranger (we've all made online friends when we're bored from time to time). Ask her outright does she have a boyfriend? Girlfriend? Is she bi at all? The friendly stranger could confide in her about his/her confusions first.

 

Yes, my method may seem crazy or manipulative, but it gets answers. If you get answers this way, you can keep the secret to yourself and proceed with the situation however you see fit, with the confidence of knowing exactly what she thinks about this.

 

Hope I've helped you

[RianDiochio]

She is definitely bi-curious.....

 

I think the idea of gays in general might have freaked her out before... But meeting you and being close to you has made her feel comfortable with the idea. Maybe she wants to experiment with you, since you two are close and all, and maybe she is a bit attracted to you? She kinda crossed the line though.... Getting jealous over you and an ex... That is a little over the top, since she told you that she was straight.

 

The fact of the matter is... Nothing matters unless she OPENS her mouth, and acknowledges how she feels. Until she TELLS you "hey i think i may be bi / have a crush on you etc etc yadda yadda" then the ball is in her court. If she wants to act immature, and throw hissy fits.... You may want to reconsider your friendship with her? She doesnt seem very stable, or like she lnows what she wants. And the fact that she can just up and ignore you for three whole months?! Wow. Sounds like a closet case to me.... I hope you dont reciprocate the crush, or you are gonna have some serious probs! Just keep it civil and kosher. But yeah she definitely is vibin' on ya... Good luck