What Do I do Now?

[Prettyangel]

I have been dating this guy for about 2.5 month now. So far everything was going well. We spend weekends together and had a wonderful time. He has been honest, caring and truly showed me he wants me in his life.

 

2 days later we spoke on the phone and he tells me that he thinks I am falling in love with him and he is not sure if he feels the same way about me. He says to me, how do I know you the ONE? How do I know we meant to be together? He almost sounded in a panic.

 

He tells me that he just wanted me to know this and now that he did tell me this it is ok to not to worry about it. He went to a friends house for a BBQ that eve and told me he call me when he got back and he did.

 

He says to me that he just needs a little space to sort all of this out. I asked him if there was someone else and he says, well there is an old friend (female) that he had been talking with a lot lately and he has been thinking about her and want to do things with her.

 

This stunned me totally. I mean here we are enjoying one another so much. There was no clue no hint of him having all these doubts.

 

I told him that I cared for him a lot and that I want to be with him and told him that I had indeed fallen in love with him. I told him that I will let him go with love and keep the door open for him should he decide he knows what he truly wants.

 

He wrote me a letter back thanking me for being so understanding and that he had to do what he had to do. He told me he felt hurt knowing he hurt me and that is why he was doing this, he did not want to continue hurting me.

 

What do I do now?

[MattTheStudent]

I understand how you feel. When I've been in your situation, I look to the idea that I haven't been with the other person for all that long (in your case two months, in my case two years) and if things work out after the time apart, wonderful- but if they don't, it hasn't been that long that you've spent. Don't worry- if this doesn't end up working out, there will always be another wonderful man who will love you and stay with you. Good luck my friend.

[raccoon]

I don't mean to demean your feelings, but I say: move on.

 

After two and a half months there shouldn't be any need for conversations involving the sentence "how do I know if you're the one?" At this point in a relationship you should be having fun, enjoying each other's company, making up silly nicknames for each other, and generally just having a good time. The fact that he felt he needed to make some kind of 'decision' as though there were some deadline looming just indicates that (and I'm sorry to say this) he wasn't really emotionally available to you in the first place. If there were this other female friend in his life, he had probably been thinking about her before he met you. It's not that he didn't like you... he just has his issues.

 

I'm in a similar boat. My ex left me and I keep hearing from people that he's haning around his previous ex more... an ex that dumped him. It hurts but I think his mind was more on that person than me.

 

You deserve someone who's into you. And only you.

 

Good luck.

[Teapot]

personally i think the guy is confused. he may actually love you back and hes scared to live up to his feelings, and thats why it seems like hes in a panic. he may just need time to realise that he really wants you, and that you are the one for him.

 

on the other hand maybe he felt that things were getting too heavy with you both too soon. and thats why he felt he had to get away from the relationship.

 

i think that i would leave it for a while and if he hasnt contacted you already, ring him or something just to ask him how hes doing, she if hes getting along ok. dont say anything about you wanting him back though, it will just make him run away more. if everything goes ok and he is friendly with you wait for a few more days, maybe a week and a bit then ring him again or something. keep the conversations short and dont stay on for too long. it might help to make out that you having a good time, act happy and outgoing. after you've contacted him a few times just suddenly stop and see if he rings you or something, if he does that means hes been thinking about you lately. maybe you could go out on dates with other people in the mean time, get friends to set you up with people, that will stop you thinking about him all the time and who knows you might find someone better than him?

 

if both of you do keep in contact for a while, maybe you could meet him one day and see how things go. act like friends, let him know that your there for him. if there seems like a chance you could get back together then tell him you still think about him sometimes and that you care for him.

 

you never know he may just come running back one day

 

i would just wait see how things go between you.

[Prettyangel]

All your advice is greatly appreciated. I think that everyone of you has a good point and I thought of it as well.

 

Huggs