every day before i go to bed i secretly hope i dont wake up the next day.

[jeanettelee]

i know im really under stress...as i usually am.

im one of those who can't really handle stress.

im always pretty stressed out.

but this time is so different.

im not making an excuse for me procrastinating.

but i really don't feel like working at all.

i could suddenly burst into tears in the middle of working on my thesis.

i don't think i'd want to kill myself.

but i secretly hope that i die in my sleep.

i can't handle reality anymore.

[jeanettelee]

i also stopped seeing my counsellor some time ago.

i feel that i cant exactly let her know how depressed i actually am.

she'd so think im suffering depression or what.

[marconi68]

Jeanette if you stopped seeing your counsellor and you are feeling worse perhaps going back to counselling may be a good idea.

There is no shame in being depressed. It's a condition. And one that can be fixed.

 

You should talk to your doctor. Perhaps you're worried that he'll put you on meds. There are other ways to tackle depression - exercise, healthy eating, enjoying the things you like. Don't totally write off meds if you want some short term help to lift your mood, but that's a personal choice. But seek professional help. You can't do this kind of stuff on your own.

 

Meanwhile, get some support from family and friends. If that's not possible keep posting here anyway. Just don't be alone with this thing.

[prisoner23]

I know the feeling very well. I was hospitalized for severe depression brought on by my narcissistic husband's relentless attacks to control my every move. I couldn't kill myself because I would be leaving my son alone with this monster. I felt so alone.

 

Even though I'm now going through the end of a horrid divorce, here is some advice.

 

1. No matter how hard it is, try to make yourself do something you enjoy - even if it's for only 20 minutes. It's part of a therapy called Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. DBT was designed for bipolar disorder (I think). But everyone would benefit from it. There are classes and workbooks on it. One of my favorite solutions is when you're feeling really down, you do the opposite of your feelings. You make a list ahead of time of several things you enjoy doing. It could be learning how to put on eyeliner (one of mine) or anything. When you start to feel the blues coming on, you look to your list and do one of them. Sometimes calling a trusted friend and asking them to kick start you is a good idea.

 

I was feeling really horrible, but I forced myself to go to gym and was amazed at how much it improved my mood.

 

Maybe others won't agree with me, but sometimes it helps me to have a "wallow in self pity days" I sort of take the day off (I'm by myself) and I cry, write in my journal, etc... It's for one day with the agreement to myself that it's just for that day. For me it works. I takes the "I should be happy, doing whatever, etc... out of the day. You'll find that the next day you'll feel better. I do. Just don't have too many.

 

Therapy is important. Medications help a lot. Also, having one friend who you can really trust with all your feelings who will always be there for you, who you can bare your soul too is really important. Better than therapy I think.

 

Write down all the things that you're feeling overwhelmed by and write down the things you can do to empower yourself. Practice conversations with a friend. I often feel powerful and then break down into old habits when faced with my ex-husband.

 

So, wake up in the morning. Force yourself to take a shower and maintain a schedule no matter how hard it is. This is the best medicine.

 

And, best of all, look for help on a forum. When your friend is out of town, you always have support 24/7.

 

This is coming from someone who has just finished a day of self pity. That's why I'm here today.

[femaleanomaly]

Believe it or not, I have been there. I've been deployed to Afghanistan and the most recent deployment was really hard on me. It was a complete rollercoaster of crazyness and I just couldn't cope anymore and I shut down. I didn't want to talk to a counselor because I was worried if they found out how bad it really was they would pull me off the team and I wouldn't be able to do my job anymore. So I stuck it out, secretly hoping I would just get blown up on a mission so that I didn't have to deal with any of the reprucussions of reintigrating back into civilian life. Obviously, that didn't happen. I regret letting myself shut down like that. I wasted a lot of time being depressed over things that I could have just worked through like everyone else. Everyone has stress, it's a matter of how we deal with it. When you have problems, don't internalize them, tell someone! Whether it's a group of close friends, your family, or your counselor. Don't hang out by yourself all the time, your brain is your worst enemy. I always make things worse when I am allowed to chill by myself and overthink how bad everything is. Go for a run, journal, keep posting on this website. Heck, you can email me if you want, I have nothing but free time while we make our way back to the states! I promise you, the hard times will pass, the stress will pass. Even if the stress doesn't pass, that feeling of drowning will. 'This too shall pass.' Just ride it out, however you can. We are all here for you.

 

I know this advise is probably not what you want to hear, it's not a fix all, but it's the truth.

[mines]

I have times like this, I know exactly how you feel. (hug)

 

There is some really good advice posted here, very awesome. I am making mental notes now . . . .

 

I recently had a setback and I'm not wishing to die, but I'm ok if it's my time (I only hope it's while I'm running......)

Seriously, it's hard getting past this feeling. I wish the best for you, it's not an easy place to be.

 

Just as the above poster said, ride it out, the best you can. We are all here for you, for each other.

[JC Denton]

I've been feeling the same way recently. You're not alone.