21 female dating 18 male

[vix8]

So I am 21 female, and my boyfriend is 18, we've been dating for just over a year. I feel like we're beginning to part ways and it's making me very upset, but he doesn't think that at all. Every time I talk to him about it, he says it's not true. It's one of those relationship where you just can't leave because you care about them so much and they're always there for you, and I don't want to leave. I feel like we're in different areas of life. I'm going to be leaving university soon, and he's leaving high school soon. I feel like I don't care to party anymore, and all he does is smoke pot with his friends for fun, and now I'm starting to hate pot because him being stoned drives me nuts. I also feel like we have nothing in common anymore, and he keeps telling me we have tons in common.. yet he can't even tell me what. Our astrology matches up perfectly, we always plan the future together, but often disagree on what we want, yet we comprise well, but I'm not fully satisfied. I'd like to stay close to the city and I'm not sure if I want kids. He wants to build a house on a piece of land and wants kids. A part of me doesn't want to grow up, I'm scared, and I think that is one reason why I am staying.. because he is putting my life on hold. I can wait for him to catch up before beginning my life after university. Another reason I think I'm staying, is because I'm afraid I won't find anyone else who is as faithful as he. I've been cheated on in the past, and I can't see myself trusting anyone else, and if I were to try, it would take me a long time. Another reason is that I have HPV, how can I enter a new relationship knowing that I'm going to pass that on? How could I leave him to deal with that too? But then I look at the good things, despite our differences, we "get" each other, we both have a calm personality which is nice, when we argue we have good communication and are able to talk things out not yell, sex life is perfect, well was, but it will be again soon when my virus clears up hopefully, we agree on a lot of the same values, we fit perfectly together, and our chemistry is insane when were physically together. I don't know what to do to stop feeling this way. Like I feel like I wanna leave him, but I don't at all. I feel like he is emotionally and physically perfect for me, but when it comes to doing things and wanting goals it's different. Do you think if I just wait for him to grow up, we could be happy together one day?

[RitaTrue]

No. Because you are not guarenteed that "one day" will come. You should not put your life on hold for anyone.

 

You may be able to work it out if you agree to stay in touch during his stay in college, or have a long distance relationship if need be. But, if you feel like you're breaking up, it may be an issue of compatability because of the different life stages that you're in. Even though you say that mesh emotionally, compatibility is also thing that determines if you'll stick together. He's not wrong for being where he's at. Neither are you. It's just timing. Well, timing's one of it. If he has bad habits, like getting high, you also have to take that into consideration too. You can't change him. So, it's more like can you accept him as he is?

 

Furthermore, with your HPV, does he know about it?

[sonicfan287]

Hi,

 

I speak about this on the "opposite" side. Im a 23 yr old, who just got out of a relationship with a 20 yr old. She was 18 when I first met her and I was 21. Actually, its the opposite for me. I never really had a "Crazy party phase" but I assume most adolescents, early 20's do. Basically, she was CRAZY for me when we first met, but I shouldve figured it was bc she was so young and that she was super excited because I was one of her first boyfriends... but she's changed a lot... for the worse, but I think its just a phase.

 

She got into a lot of punk/heavy metal type music and developed this "goth like" attitude towards life. She swears a lot more, when I first met her, she was so much more innocent but now she laughs at that kind of stuff, saying its "boring" and "plain". The thing is, most of her family is "plain" and not in a bad way. Her family is very proper except for one older sister who is married (shes 28) and still carries on partying, sometimes without her husband which isnt good, but other than that, her family is very conservative, her mother is a very nice lady, and so was she, and still is, I believe. But because of her need to be "thrilled" all the time because shes younger (or maybe thats just who she is, I dont know), she's gotten into a relationship with a new guy whos 25, sort of a "tough guy" looking guy who's also into the heavy metal, but the thing is, he smokes and drinks and not just a little, he's a recreational party drinker guy, and her dad was an alcoholic so I worry about her getting hooked on booze, especially since that was something she was always afraid of happening.

 

May she grow out of this? Maybe? Maybe not? Will I always be the "boring nice guy" while he's the "Exciting guy with an edge"? Who knows? All you can do is step back and see it for what it is. In your case, it sounds like this guy at least wants to be with you and its just a matter of if you can put up with some of his shenanigans. They may go away, they may stay, they may get worse, but whether they do or not, its your decision and if youre looking for someone more mature, you have every right to do so. I wish you the best. 3 years usually isnt a huge age difference but it is at this time. As you get into your late 20s (at least, Im hoping) the age difference wont matter as much.

 

To keep it brief, Id stick with it so long as the positives you see in him outweigh the negatives. Theres no gaurantee he'll "Grow up" but if he has some positive attributes that you define as important to a relationship (such as his faithfulness and understanding) then theres nothing wrong with waiting it out. Feel free to talk more if youd like

[vix8]

 

Furthermore, with your HPV, does he know about it?

 

Yes he knows I have it, but he won't admit that he most likely has it too, he's kind of being naive about it. Which is understandable, he is probably freaked out.