Am I getting a divorce or not, I just don't know...

[sassycat]

Hi, this is the first time I have posted here and I'm not sure what to do. In June, I left my husband of 2 1/2 years...been together for 8. Things weren't good, but I guess I never thought they were that bad either.. until he went away one weekend..he used to go away at least 4/5 times a year without me to see friends..anyway, he went away and at that weekend two different people came to me at two different times...they did not know eachother..and told me that something was "going on", anyway I tried calling, I couldn't reach him. He told me there was no cell service in Tallahassee!!!!???? Bla, Bla, Bla, I confronted him when he came home...I was ready to leave..he begged me to stay and told me nothing was going on. I stayed and one week later I left but this time for the above reason and because of the fact that after being together for 8 years, he decided that he didn't want to have kids with me..."right now", that he "wasn't ready...yet", I couldn't take all of the unanswered questions or anymore of the...I'm not ready conversations anymore, so I left. Next, he emptied my bank account, left me with nothing..which is what he said I came into the relationship with. I went home to my parents...awful..even though I love them..and saved up some money so that I could start my life again so to speak, so just this past weekend I moved out again, this time not out of my home, but of my parents and into my own house, a tiny little cottage that needs some TLC but it's not an apartment or a condo...during all this time I told my ex that if he wanted this to be over to make it so because I didn't want to pay for a attorney for something that was his fault, I still love him but his actions in recent monghts have made me see what kind of man he really is. Even though it's hard as hell for me to do this and actually follow through, this is the first time in over 10 years that I have been independent and on my own, I did it but am having some trouble accepting that it is final now and that this is my life now. I still don't have divorce papers, he is out living his life like nothing happened to him, and I am seeing a shrink that I thank god for but I still have moments where I need a little support and I gues this is one of them. I don't want to sink back down into the depression that lurks around every corner for me but it is very hard not to these days, now that I come home to an empty house and make dinner for one and so on and so on...any thoughts anyone, maybe anyone going through the same thing? Thanks.

[melrich]

Hi Sassycat. I don't know whether I have anything to say that will help you but I have been through similar. From what you have written my guess is that ultimately you will be better off moving on from your marriage. I too found myself alone for the first time after 14 years and it is very hard. There is no other cure but time, taking time to heal, trying not to look too far ahead. The best tip I can give you is to try as hard as you can to find yourself as an individual again. Stop thinking of yourself in terms of being a couple with your ex. When you start to get a feel of who you are again, the healing process will become much easier. It's not easy I know. Good luck with everything.

[sassycat]

Hey there,

Thanks for the support, it's been a rough couple of days, which have turned into weeks and now months. It seems like nothing gets any better and just when you think that maybe there's some hope, you get slapped with something else that brings you crashing back to reality. I just don't understand why people are so cruel, insensitive and just mean, never understanding and it comes so easily, without thought or regret.