Is he just playin with me??

[Rhianna0584]

There's this guy I met at work about a year ago. We actually started talking and hanging out 5/6 months ago. Things were great this summer. It actually felt like we were together. We'd kiss and he'd talk to me every night. It was just perfect even though there was some tension. He wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship. He said he was scared since he never had a girlfriend before but he really liked having me around and making me laugh, etc. It hurt a lot at the time because I had other guys that wanted to be with me but I didn't want to loose the guy I had been spending so much time with. And the guy I was seeing didn't want me with anyone else. I've never felt so happy and so sad at the same time before. Well anyways.. last week we finally made our relationship offical. The problem I see now is that I feel like he may be ashamed of me. I don't know.. Maybe I'm being a girl about this but I don't think he wants anyone to know about us. Our immediate group of mutual friends know what's goin on, but he told me not to tell other people at work if they ask. He says it's not their business. I guess he could be right about that but I don't really know. Is that reasonable?? And on top of that when we run into his friends as we're out doin things he never introduces me to them. Maybe I'm overanalyzing everything.. I don't know. Do you think he's just taking it extra slow since he's never really had anyone before??

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think that not telling people at work is somewhat resonable, but not introducing you to his friends... thats just plain rude--to you and to them. How does he get around it? I think that is a big red flag right there. When a man loves you he wants to show you off---he is proud of his girl.

 

I would advise you not to argue with him about it, but do keep your eyes open for any other kind of behavior. You will get a clear picture before long of how he truly feels for you. If it is not what you want--walk. I know it's easier said than done, sorry but sometimes it will help you avoid bigger heartache in the long run.

 

I wish you the best though---and that all this is just him being "scared"

[Ph3n0m3n0n]

When a man loves you he wants to show you off---he is proud of his girl.

 

This is somewhat true, BUT .... Im not sure about other guys, but with me ( these are my thought because I havn't had much experience with having a g/f) but with me, I personally thing that I would "show off" my girl. I wouldn't try go over the top, I wouldn't want her thinking im some obsessed beast or something lol... So personally I wouldn't "show her off".

 

I dont know if I explained that well enough... But hopefully you'll get where Im coming from.

 

I know, another way to explain it.... If I had a g/f I would want to see her non-stop and im pretty sure, chicks dont want that lol... they still need time apart, So I dont act like I wanna see her non-stop, I just call her ever second day, someones day by day, not always asking to do something, just.... easing things, if you know what I mean. Im most probably completely wrong, but they're my thoughts... lol

[OldGuy]

Well, if he has never had a girlfriend before, he may be afraid the relationship won't last and he would be embarrassed if a bunch of his friends knew you were together and then split.

 

This would be pretty childish on his part. But, having been there many, many years ago, I can tell you it can happen.

 

See if you can talk to him about it. Tell him it bothers you. Don't ask if he is ashamed of you, that would be setting up a fight. Even if he doesn't say much, he may get over it.

[Vanilla]

Seems to me that if he's never been in a serious relationship before, he doesn't seem to ready for this one. When i was first official with my boyfriend, he was so proud to introduce me to everyone, it took less than 2 mos. before I even met his family. I had actually been friends with him for about 5 mos. prior to us dating, but never close friends. He would even ask me to meet him at his job 5 minutes before he got out because he liked it so much to have his co-workers meet me. Maybe your guy has some issues he needs to work on, like all of us do. I have issues to work on too! I say you approach him in a calm manner and tell him how you feel and why. I as a girl would be really hurt if my boyfriend didn't want to let the world know we're together. When you're in love you want to scream it out loud. But if he has a good reason, maybe you can help him work through it, but you mainly want to see if you two are on the same boat.