Should I text her on her birthday?

agiledid · April 8, 2012

Hi!

I met this girl a while back and we hit it off instantly! Always texting each other, having a laugh and it seemed somewhat the first night we met she was very attached, so I asked her out on a date. No hesitation she said yes, we went out for our date after numerous rearrangements due to our busy lives. But she loved it and I did to, we had a great night and she just wanted to hang around me and chat all night till the moment we had to part. I spoke about meeting up again(2nd date) a week later and she said she would love to. Only something happened that weekend for her to suddenly change in actions towards me, my predictment is another guy came along when she was out. Alot of people believe so. As suddenly she started to act strangely, only to give me the reason when I asked what was up, that now wasnt a good time for her to be dating. But she didnt want any hard feelings between us and hopes to see me out around town still. So within 2 days of us arranging the 2nd date its not the right time to date...her words dont add up to the actions hmm

So I said it was fair enough if she was busy with work and took it on the chin and shrugged it off and moved on, nothing more I could do.

Now ino its her birthday this weekend and I feel somewhat that id like to text her but at the same time part of me doesnt want to.

I want to text her, but id like to try strike something up with it hopefully draw her attention again. I think its nice aswell as it shows I listened to her and remembered. She sent me a birthday text back when we were dating(ino different moment in time) but my nature only feels the need to give back even small things

I dont want to text her back as aswell I feel if she wanted to talk to me she would contact me, but sometimes that may never be the case?

I dunno how her situation is right now either since the last time we spoke. Is there another guy, is she busy, will she even achknowledge me anymore even if she said she still hopes to see me around

So should I text her and if so what should I say, if I wanna spark something, aswell as the happy birthday!

Or just leave her be to make the first move if she ever does down the line?

Thank you for your time

RitaTrue · April 8, 2012

From the female POV, I think that if a woman blows hot with interest at first during the first or second date, and then "all of a sudden" goes cold with "she's not interested in dating right now". Then either A) she's not into you. or B) another guy came around. or C)both. And these are why, her actions arent lining up with her words.

As far as a happy birthday text, it depends on what you're trying to accomplish. if you're trying to measure her interest, I'd say no. If a woman says she's not interested in dating, that's not playing hard to get. That's playing "I dont want to be with you." If she wanted to play hard to get, she wouldnt say that. If she were playing hard to get, she'd still talk to you....just less often, and she'd accept a date from you "after she looks at her schedule." But here, she's not contacting you. Or wanting another date. At all.

Move on.

ghengisT · April 8, 2012

I second Rita's advice. Although she's still under your skin, it's obvious that you're not under hers. Takes two to tango. She was up front with you, which is admirable. Take what she has said to you into account, leave her alone. No point in stirring the pot, because you'll be the only one drinking from it.

solidbunker · April 8, 2012

I like Rita and Ghengis,good advisers!

But I disagree.

You two got no history,your dating-ship sunk and you should have moved on by now.

Issue here is that many ENA members see birthdays as a means of a strategy,not as an event.

And when you congratulate someone you dont expect (if anything)more than a thank you.

Now,tell me whats wrong with that ?

If I were you I would do it,even if she doesnt reply.Her problem,you are a gentleman and of a higher class,you dont allow anything stand on your way to do anything.Always do as you please.

Your call.

agiledid · April 8, 2012

I can see what Rita and Ghengis have said and its rather true and I agree! Her last text to me I never replied to, I had no intention to keep contact going to waste time and effort, she clearly didnt either. Its true she seems well under my skin even with meeting other girls since her I cant figure out why I havnt moved on more(its rather sad haha). I should leave it to her to make the first move really with the contact as it was her choice to put a full stop on the dating.

Her actions seem clear to me of her "not the time to be dating" much like what Rita has said.

My text would be to try start a spark (a text that would show my personality and stand out from the other many happy birthday texts she will receive, catch her attention somehow)as well like I said its only in me to give back even something small.

Like you said Solid many of us ENA members see birthdays as a means of strategy, I do understand that the likely is just a thank you text back, if that!

I think its because we all believe that it being a personal special day, it means that we can pull on those heart strings of others that bit easier in hope of some sort of gain or be remembered for that little good deed.

Im sure I wont be the only guy sending a text to her on her birthday some with a similar intention I imagine, and that during the haze of drinking and fun she probably has planned anything I send will probably get swept under the rug and forgotten. Even if theres no hard feelings between us and that she hopes to see me around still.

I probably wont send her a text on her birthday after all I feel, Ill go out as planned with my friends and enjoy myself maybe ill meet someone.

This forum is brilliant ive had some read of other posts and its great way to learn some things and look at yourself I have found

agiledid · April 8, 2012