mum and dad are separating!! HELP (long)

[seza15]

hey all,

 

i'm writing in concern of my parents marriage problems. my parents have been married for 26 years and as long as i can remember their marriage has been always less than perfect.

 

my father has always been a drinker with a "irresponsible immaturity" personality, which for some reason people love! my mother has always been the down trodden house wife that did what she was told.....until 4-2 years ago!

 

4 years ago, mum's favourite auntie died. her auntie had only been retired from her job of 35 years for 1 week when she found out she had fatal cancer. she was also in a marriage where her husband consistantly womanised. when she died, she left a permanent mark on my mum's view of her life. basically mum's eye's were opened and she didn't like, at all what she saw with her marriage. to make it even more of a eye opener for her, my dad told her at her aunts funeral to "get f***en over it!" this upsets her to this day!

 

about 5 years ago, my father injuried himself at work and seeked compensation. he didn't get it 1st go, 2nd go he got some but not alot. meanwhile, mum and dad's problems got worst. he became a alcoholic, addicted to painkillers for his injury and verbally abused us almost everynight. he blames us for his problems.

 

5 months after my mum's aunt died, mum got breast cancer. she had to have a op for a small section of breast taken out and radiotheraphy. mean while, dad decides to cope with this he "should" start taking vallium too, as well as mersodol fort and panadol and drinking double too. mum has me for support while dad questions me why mum is angry at him for?

 

i got engaged and my man moves in with me at home. dad starts with a huge ego problem with there being another man in the house and the fact that his 24 year old daughter maybe sexually active. his anger is worst than ever.

 

mum tells me that dad has been pressuring her to have sex with him every second day even though "if" they do, he says to her "i know you hate doing this but i can't help it", then he tells her to "f*** off" afterwards.

 

the latest is that mum "went looking for evidence" for why he is coming home at 8pm when he finishes work at 4:30pm. she found 2 womens home, work, and mobile numbers, one being his ex girlfriend and a woman who he had a crush on 6 years ago. she also found a new bank card separate account, $200 in his car behind the backseat and received and dialled of his ex girlfriends numbers in his mobile!!!

 

 

i'm so angry about this as i've gone though the WHOLE process with mum (also my partner) to support her when i know my dad is doing the wrong thing by her mainly and also us!!

 

we are in a stuck spot cause mum wants to separate but she doesn't have a job, she doesn't want to go centerlink or government agency for money, she doesn't want to rent but wants to buy a home withn $160,000 she'll get from selling this home. she also wants to relye on me and my partners pay packets till she gets a job.

 

i feel this is unfair! i get the pension as i have a disability and i don't want to be paying her way cause she doesn't want to try with doing cleaning anymore, where i have a disability and i work 3 part- time jobs and my partner has 1 full time job! we have supported her all the way and we will but we need help too! i'm getting sick now from the stress ( i've got irrible bowel syndrome) and getting chest pain. i don't want to sound selfish but i've had enough! i'm the daughter, not a miricle worker!

 

what should i do?!

 

any suggestions would be great!

[guy40az]

Well first off it's not your fault he is disabled and how he came to that conclusion no one will ever know.

 

If I were you I would take your man and move out. Your parents are going to have to do it on there own it would probably be easer for everyone.

[somanaomi]

hun, nothing you can do. imagine if you were in a marriage and you wernt in love with your husband, what could you daughter do to change your mind?

i remember when i was four years old and my parents separated because my mum was constantly having affairs...i remember my dad droppin her off in the car in town, and seeing her leave us, walking accross the street to her boyfriend, with a suitcase in her hand.

not nice :S

just stay strong hun x