I'm on the outside

[greenie35]

I just moved 6 hours away from my hometown. My boyfriend and I rented a house close to school and I can't seem to feel right yet. We have been fighting constantly and I have no friends here. The campus is pretty nice, but when I'm there I can't wait to go home. Once I get home it's like all I want to do is go to sleep. He and I can't seem to find any common ground and he's looking into getting his own place closer to campus. He says that will help our relationship. I was okay with that thinking if I had some space and time on my own without worrying about him...I would be able to find myself down here. That's all I really want to do is find myself. If I knew who I was and what was good for me I think I would be a happier person. I really love working out but have been finding it hard to work it into our schedules. I just feel so alone down here. I feel like people are looking at me questioning me, judging me. My boyfriend says I'm just paranoid. Perhaps he's right. But I know a couple times they did give me some weird looks. I had to go to the bathroom and look to see if I had something on my face. I dunno...I know I'm supposed to be here though. I'm not going home...I came here to better myself and that's what I'm gonna do. Hopefully this is just a storm blowing through. Just needed to vent..

 

Peace be with you...

[citichik]

I know exactly how you feel, and it is horrible.

 

I moved for an exboyfriend once and ended up being so sad in the new city that I didn't know what to do with myself. I learned that I needed my own interests and life and to feel part of a community.

 

I'm wondering if you have lived away from home before? Could this be a little bit of homesickness? Do you really want to be in school right now? Do you have your own schedule, where YOU can fit in your own time to work out regardless of what your boyfriend is doing?

 

I hope that you feel better soon.

[Scout]

If I knew who I was and what was good for me I think I would be a happier person.

 

Believe it or not, the twenties is the time we are actively seeking our identity, so what you're feeling is pretty common. You can be sure there are thousands of other people milling around on campus with the exact same concerns.

 

I realize that conflicts with your boyfriend are part of the problem, and I'm not sure how to address that right now. So let's go back to the original issue. You want to do some self-discovery and find out what interests you, where your strengths lie, etc.

 

Well, here is some good news: it's a lot easier to do that when we are starting a clean slate where no one knows us! This would have been difficult to do in your hometown, to an extent.

 

Colleges/Universities have a TON of special interest groups and organizations. Try a few out and don't make any commitments until one really interests you. Also - get back to the gym. You need the extra endorphins right now!

 

Try to put yourself first for the next few weeks, months, and focus on the opportunities ahead to try new things. If your main focus are these two things, I have a feeling some of the fighting will settle down between you and your boyfriend. You can't schedule everything around each other all the time, you have two different lives that are sometimes going to meander off onto their own paths. That's ok!