broke up two weeks before school and share the same classes

[crisisback]

Hi everyone. I was reading everybodies posts and was trying to find one that related and a lot do, but my situation is a little bit different. My girlfriend and i were going out for almost 2 years and everything was wonderful. We go to college together and have been together almost 24/7 for the time we were together (part of the problem). Everything was going great but she told me on friday that she felt she needed to "find herself" and that being in a serious relationship was preventing her from doing that. I tried to get her back the next day and bought her flowers and all this but it didn't work out. I really love her and was positive she was the one, we never really fought about anything. She told me she still loves me so much and still wants to be friends. Being friends is so comforting to me but it isn't what i want. We talk every day at least once, well for the past 2 days, and we talk on AIM. I know i shouldn't be talking but it takes the stress out of my life even if only for a few minues. I've been having to take nyquil to put myself to sleep because my nights have been so unbearable. I'm trying to get out, but even if i'm home for 10 minutes the feelings come to sync in again. I don't know how to just stop talking to her, won't it be kind of out of nowhere? Also, we share the same exact classes in the upcoming quarter with three discussions that are small classes (20 people or so) so we'll be seeing each other a lot. I don't know how i can do no contact and share class with her at the same time... This is really killing me, i love her, but she seems to want something else in life but tells me she still loves me. Oh well, it seems that i'm the only one sad about the breakup also, she talks to me but doesn't seem upset. Any advise would help.. Thanks everyone

[crisisback]

Thanks for the reply. It seems like a good number of my friends have been dumped by their girlfriends for the same reason. Maybe it's because we're going into our 3rd year and it's the second half of college, i don't know. I really love the girl and hope that she comes back to me, but truthfully, i don't know how often that happens. I still don't know if i should go no contact or talk to her every so often online, it really comforts me to hear her voice. It just hurts that it is so cold... I was speaking to her earlier and i asked her why she was acting so cold and didn't seem sad at all and she replied "well it's hard because i can't really show you i mean...i don't know..." So i don't really know what's going on. She's doing what i want to do, she's going out a lot and doesn't seem to be bothered by a break up at all. I think she's blaming her "losing all her friends" on our relationship, and now she needs to lose me to get her friends back... If she still loves me why isn't she with me?

 

Oh well... can any of you suggest any songs to listen to... not sad i miss you songs, but it's good your gone and i'll be better.

 

Thanks everyone... I'll check in soon... oh yeah i've lost six pounds since friday...i guess that's a good start after gaining 40 lbs during the past 2 years of our relationship. Happiness makes you eat .

 

any suggestions on how i can get to sleep better... i'm going to try to cut out the nyquil, but sometimes it really helps the long endless nights...

[crisisback]

It has been a few days since that friday and i've gotten a little better. I'm falling asleep without aid of nyquil. I'm starting to eat. It was really hard but i'm forcing myself, even though it does make me want to throw up. I've also started no contact. Man is it hard, i think it's better for me though. She tries to IM me and i feel good not responding. It just hurts that her away message always sounds so happy. I mean how can you be so happy when we just broke up, am i not worth her grief? She also hasn't tried to call, which is good for me, i still wait on my cell phone, but when she does i'll be sure not to answer. I'm going to try to uphold this strict NC for a few weeks until school starts then i'll eventually have to talk to her since she is in so many of my classes. Reading all the stories on here really helps, i still hurt soooo much. But everyone, get out of the house, go have your friends help you out. It really does help. I'm still depressed and miserable, but just knowing that i'm getting better really does help. If any of you guys need to talk about this stuff, feel free to PM me, i know sometimes i need some people to talk to.

[crisisback]

Well i'm on my 6th day after the break up. When we broke up she told me she would see me today, it's not happening. I guess this is a good thing, i started the no contact thing a few days ago and last night finally broke it. She IM'd me and i couldn't stand not to talk to her so i did, and i asked her one last question before i told her i wouldn't talk to her until school started... This is basically how the convo went

 

ChRiS : one last question before we stop talking...

3: what's up?

ChRiS: i need your real, true reason for doing this... and i need to really know if you still love me... after this we won't talk till school starts, i just need time to clear up my head... please explain well

3: i already did...

3: i needed my own space and i didn't think that we were compatible for that kind of relationship

3: there was just too many differences, and i need to grow ...

ChRiS : finish the answer...

3: yeah that's basically it.

ChRiS: 2nd part of the question?

3: i think we're just really different people, and it wouldn't work in the long run

3: and yes i still love you, but as a friend

3: i'm sorry if that hurts you...but i'm not going to lie...

3: please don't get mad at me

ChRiS : that's fine.. thanks for the answer... i guess i'll talk to you when school starts... bye

3: yeah...

3: hope everything goes well for you and all...

3: see ya

 

I dunno, it's just so odd to go from someone loving you so much and them telling you that they do to them telling you that you're just a friend. It really hurts, i'm not sure if she's feeling the hurt that I'm feeling. We never really fought and we were always together... Anyway, any input would be appreciated. Today has started off hard... Again, if any of you guys wanna talk feel free to IM me, i need all the help i can get... Thanks

[Vert]

crisisback,

My ex-gf gave me the same "I don't see a future with you" response when she handed me the engagement ring back (and added "I don't see having kids with you either".... talk about a major *ouch*). I thought things were great, and we were perfect for each other. Apparently she'd been having these feelings for the past year, and I can now narrow it down to a week that she spent with me when I was interning out-of-state. We didn't have a good time and she took it as "are we truly right for each other if this is how it will always be?" which is an unfair assesment since I was incredibly tired from having my first "real world" job. Her attitude changed ever so slightly after that and I guess I did see the warning signs but put on blinders to the issue because I didn't want to lose her. I moved to a new state for my job (I know this also played into her decision) and now I can't even reconcile with her if I wanted to.

 

It does seem that most of the guys here suffer from a breakup where the girl was young (early 20s) and wants to "see other things" (read: date other guys... grass is always greener, right?) and "isn't ready for marriage". I know there are plenty of guys that pull that stunt too, but as I am one of the many that suffer from a woman pulling it on me I can only see that side.

 

Anyway, from what I have learned and read on this board, the dumper usually has prepared for this time well in advance. They have usually come to the conclusion that you are not right for them and you need to be gone. Your best option is to let her go and start making a new life on your own. Go work out at your school's gym (I wish I had that now as I have to pay for a local club membership), join intramural teams, and go out with buddies. Trust me on the last one -- it helped me greatly. My friend took me out when I got to my new job (he lives here already) and I had a great time, met some new cute girls, and even got phone nums. I have no intention of dating anyone, but it does help the psyche to get attention from other females.