finally ready for help

[nothingontheinside]

this might be long i warn you but i just need to get some stuff off my chest. my mom tends to read my posts... isnt that exciting? so mom ya go away.

oh well on wednesday i really cut up my arm badly after 6 days of not cutting. that is pretty good for me. i showed the school psyc to get help and he freaked out and showed the guidance councilor and called my mom in. my mom and the school psyc alreday know that i cut but i spilled and told them*not my mom* that i am also suicidal. he tried to tell my mom this but she thinks its just a phase and stuff. i really do think of my own death all of the time, i even picture myself dead on the floor surrounded in blood. my suicide of choice is ODing and cutting. it should be creepy that i know that! the only tihng really kepeing my aliave right now is x. i kno all my grammer and stuff sucks but i reallyl dotn care.

adn talking about not caring, i really dont care about my life anymore. everyone around me is crumbing, falling apart and away. thers nothing i can do about it. a good friend of mine just ogt out of a mental hospital thing, i dont really know hwat it was called but she was only gone for a week or so. i think that would help me as much as i dont wanna go. i just wanna get help and finally be able to smile again. i want to be truly happy once again. the only time right now that i can find happiness is while thinking of x and stich.

why cant my mom see that im begging for help? why is she refusing to see that her daughter wants to die and yet is hoping to get help before that happens. maybe if i get help ill be able to help others too cuz thats what i like to do the most. god i just dont know. i write poetry and alot of it is about death and cutting and stuff. i cut last night. i have a deathwish in my leg it says "LEt ME DiE" and i relly do wanna die cuz im a wuss and selfish i guess.

i dont know sry if this was too long and a waste of time have fun

 

-ness

[lilsuthurncutie]

OMG! that post really touched me.. i am sitting on the verge of tears.. i really REALLY look up to you for asking for help and not just going along with your mom.. not many people can do that.. i would sugest going to your school councelor and telling her how you feel and tell her that you seriously want and need help and nail it into her that you WANT it and that you don't want to give up before something bad happens.. let her know that your mom isn't seeming to understand that you need help so bad and you need her help! she WILL help.. that is her job so i just want you to know that i really look up to you for that and to keep trying! feel free to PM me whenever! much

[i_hate_the_world47]

wow,Your a strong person for asking for help.It must have took alot to do this,i give you props for that.I hope things work out in your favor.I wish you the best of luck,and if you ever need to talk to someone feel free to PM me.

 

~meagan~

[pumkin_fairy]

WOW... how can you be this strong. good for you asking for help.ive found that this site is VERRY helpfull! keep this up ok!! ur doin well if ever u need to talk pm me or what eva xxx

[Thingmaker]

This is my first post, and I'm glad that I chose to read your topic instead of someone elses to post it on.

 

I am in a slightly similar situation, except that I am not accepting help, as you are. I live with my grandmother in seattle, my mother lives in new york with her boyfriend and i have never met my father.

 

But enough about that.

 

I think it is very brave of you to get help with your cutting problem. Cutting is serious business and its easy to get addicted to it.

 

I think that you really want your mother to notice you, to let her know that you are seriously depressed etc.

 

Did you know that people over the age of 14 are in charge of their own psychiactric care? I suggest you go to a local mental health office and see if they cant help you out. I dont think it costs anything....I used to go. Well, I dunno. But you might want to check it out and see.

 

I dont really know what else to offer you by means of advice. I'm sorry that I couldnt have been more of a help to you. If you ever need to talk I'm usually online

 

-Georgia

[Thingmaker]

I just noticed your siggy....

 

Do you perchance live in the Mason area? My best friend lives there. Shes going to a M.C.R. concert Nov. 11th at bogarts! At least I think its Nov. 11th...