Dichotomy of thoughts.. What was vs what is.

[Mario043]

Hello All

 

2 1/2 weeks into it (or out of it!) one major conflict that I'm struggling with is the memory of what was.. I do my best not to dwell, and use various techniques to disrupt these negative (YES, negative) thought patterns. However, I keep telling myself that was the PAST, and that will never be in the future.. It's difficult and cold, but it's a defense mechanism.

 

I read a great (free!) pdf on another site called "7 reasons you should not want your ex back" and it all makes sense.. to my head..

 

I keep telling myself "It's over," and yet, I'm not sure how I would react if she called and said let's talk. My head says no friggin' way, but my heart may betray me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not waiting by the phone, or obsessively checking email, but I sometimes wonder.

 

Those wonderful times do pop into my head, but all I can do is replace them with the terrible treatment I've received of late, and the fact that I know what was cannot be again..

 

At least the guilt is lessening.

[butterflyburn]

That is why u should invest in using the time apart wisely bse when u get to a healthy place u shall never want to put yourself back into a situation which would compromise ur new found ... respect, integrity etc. I still love my ex in my ways but I am at that point where I would not take him back to get back to the same old... for me to even be tempted back, there would have to be some serious changes and I doubt he would raise to the occasion. I got to this place through intensive counselling btw to reconstruct myself after the break up

[VioletEyes]

I understand exactly how you feel Mario, my weakness is definitely thinking of the past too much, regretting too much, and wishful thinking. It's hard to get out of that habit, and it's a horrible habit to have. But the thought that keeps me going is that everything happens for a reason. It's cheesy, I know, and probably not what you want to hear, but it's true. Don't think of the past as something that is gone forever, think of it as a foundation for the next chapter in your life. Right now, your future significant other is somewhere out there, and if you were still with your ex, who knows, you may never meet this person. Everything in your life, good and bad, has made you into the person you are right now. And the person you are right now is the ideal person for someone else. This is only a bump on the road, but it's leading you somewhere better

[Mario043]

@VioletEyes

 

It's tough to break out of that habit.. Thinking about the past.. Especially when you're sitting around by yourself. It takes massive effort, but it's an effort we must all undertake Thinking about what was can only delay the healing process, and potentially cause us great harm.. We can't afford to live in the past.

 

Thank you for the kind words and good luck on your healing journey.