Regrets...?

[Flyingpiglet]

People say you should have no regrets... Is it really possible?

 

Is there a difference between regretting something, wishing it had never happened or knowing you could have handled it different and got a better result?

 

I often look back on things that have happened throughout my life, not just the recent past but all the way through, and know that if I had done something different, made a different decision, acted and/or reacted different, I would potentially be in a completely different place personally now... Probably better, possibly worse. Who knows?

 

I know I can’t live a life through ‘what if's’ and ‘if only's’ and it’s not that things are particularly, bad at the moment. Quite the opposite.... I just wonder if anybody can honestly say they have NO regrets!

 

Thoughts anybody

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't have any because whatever I did - good or bad - brought me to we're I am in life. I take the lesson from those mistakes but I don't regret them. I don't even regret my 4 year cheating filled relationship - it prepared me for meeting my wonderful husband

[lady00]

I have no regrets. Like everyone else, I've made mistakes in my life but in my mind regret is really a form of mentally beating yourself up over something you cannot change. So, I choose not to view any of my past mistakes in that light. I change what I can going forward and learn from my mistakes but I don't consider that to be the same as having regrets.

[Flyingpiglet]

OG, do you think that of you hadn't met your hubby that you would look back with regret at any parts of your life?

 

I wonder if people only have regrets if they don't ever find their 'happy ever after'?

I guess that would make sense as there would always be the wondering if things could be better! I don't know.

 

Lady, is that something you have had to conscioulsy change about the way you thing of past mistakes etc, or something that comes naturally. Maybe I just need to learn to look back at things in a different way!

 

not sure how to do that!

[lady00]

.

 

Lady, is that something you have had to conscioulsy change about the way you thing of past mistakes etc, or something that comes naturally.

 

It didn't come naturally to me at first but it is becoming more and more natural. I think for many (if not most) people it's natural to have feelings of regret and to dwell on and go over and over past mistakes in our heads. The more difficult thing especially with negative repetitive thoughts is to stop and think about the thoughts. Are they helpful? Do they resolve anything? It takes a constant conscious effort to stop it, especially in the beginning when you first realize and become fully aware of your mind and what it's really doing and how it's actually doing more harm than good when you think this way. As time goes on, I'm finding that it gets easier and easier and becomes natural and just becomes ingrained in my view of myself and the world around me.

[OptomisticGirl]

Even if I hadnt met him nope, no regrets. Like Lady said, I live my life with mistakes, no regrets. I don't know if it ever came natural or was always part of my optimistic personality. Even as a sexually abuse survivor I don't regret what happened to me of wish 'why me?' - it happened. It made me who I am.

[Mr Man]

I think it totally depends.

 

Loss vs gain

 

if you lose something but gain something better then there will not be a regret, but if the opposite is true, you will.

 

I've made some bad mistakes in the past but I feel like I've gained more from making those mistakes than I would if I hadn't made them.

[Flyingpiglet]

Hmmm, I wish I was so optomistic lol...

 

I guess the key is to TRULY like who you are.

 

It's the mistakes where I have made the decision, misguided, without thinking about the consequences, or just through complete lack of knowledge and maturity sometimes, that set me thinking the most.

 

Hindsight is a wonderful, but completey useless thing I guess..., I have made some momentous bad desicions in my younger years, or maybe I just perceive them as such. Now, I occasionaly find myself daydreaming about how different things could have been. Career, love life, etc.

 

But I can't change what is past... and I don't ponder it too often.

 

Wonder if I should write all my 'regrets' down and burn them!

[Flyingpiglet]

I think it totally depends.

 

Loss vs gain

 

if you lose something but gain something better then there will not be a regret, but if the opposite is true, you will.

 

I've made some bad mistakes in the past but I feel like I've gained more from making those mistakes than I would if I hadn't made them.

 

Hmmm, I don't feel I gained anything from mistakes... But I suppose I didn't lose anything either.... Its just what I feel I might have gained had I chosen a different path... But I know that it is purely speculation!

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't think that's regrts - that's just day dreaming. we all do it - do I ever wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't been abused? Sure, but I don't wish for it or regret what happened. It's human nature to wonder.

[OptomisticGirl]

Actually, I do have regrets.

 

I don't regret any consequences - good or bad - from decisions I make that effect ME (such as staying with my ex) but I do regret when my decisions hurt others, such as I have said one or two meanful things to my husband in the heat of a fight and I obviously regret that my choice to open my mouth hurt him.

[Flyingpiglet]

Hmm, yeah I guess thats almost different territory al together.... Ohhh cripes, now I've got more regrets!

 

No really though, I will somehow have to teach myself that wishing you could go back and do things differently, (that classifies regret pretty well I think), would not have necessarily put me in a better place or made me a better person.

I have to learn to be happy with who I am and what I've got!

 

But still allow myself the odd daydream occasionaly

[Rosee]

I always find it odd when people say they have NO regrets because everyone has done crappy things and I don't understand how you could not regret hurting people etc.

[OptomisticGirl]

I always find it odd when people say they have NO regrets because everyone has done crappy things and I don't understand how you could not regret hurting people etc.

 

As Piglet said, there is a difference in hurting someone and living with the consequences - good or bad - that only effect you. I regret hurting people but anything to do with me that I had to make the decision and it effected ME and me ALONE - no, I don't regret.

[eternalsunrise]

I don't really have regrets. The reason is, most of the things that didn't go well or whatever are because I didn't realize how I could have believed and reacted differently. My mistakes were out of being naive. I lived and learned. Sometimes I wish I had someone who would have been direct and honest with me about what I was going through by telling me sage wisdom about the situation and given me a new perspective that would have helped me.

I try to be more open to other people's opinions and comments in case it will help me make the best choices now... Instead of having regrets, I try to practice acceptance of the past and applying what I learn to the future.

[Flyingpiglet]

^thats a good way of looking at it eternal.

 

I do have regrets about decisions I made... Many of them but I need to learn to view them as something other than 'potential' life changing moments.

There's just as much chance that I could have made differet choices, taken a different direction and ended up worse off!

But I do think that I'll know when I am truly happy and contented in myself and my life, as I'll be able to say that everything I have done has brought me to where I am!