Relationship conflicts and gains

[Nightingale93]

I've posted before about my boyfriend on here. Mostly negative stuff inflicting our relationship. I've been weighing out the good and bad stuff about our relationship, and found much more positives especially recently. We've been more intimate together, mostly for the fact I have been orgasming for the first time orally (still not during sex though) and I feel like my intimacy issue could possibly go away. I had mentioned before that him and I had gone on two short breaks. First one was at the beginning of our relationship and lasted two days before I missed him. I initiated that to eliminate the things in my life that were keeping me in the past and unable to move on and be happy. Second time was over the summer and I honestly can't totally remember my reasonings now besides being really depressed, that lasted almost a week.

 

I went through another time recently of being really depressed and unsure of our relationship, this time I stayed and worked through it. I honestly think it is me as I've never been happy due to issues in my life outside of my relationship. He is such a supporting person and I'm afraid I may run away from the best guy in my life. I can't really say there is no spark in our relationship, but it's dim sometimes. When we are spending a day out together going out places rather than sitting around inside I feel great to be with him and when we are on a double date or out with friends it reminds me of why I care about him. Also, when we don't see each other for a couple days I get excited to see him.

 

I'm 18 and he's 21. I feel like part of my issue is that everyone talks about how when your my age and in your 20's you want to be single and party. I'm afraid I'm missing out on something I will regret later in life being tied down to one person now. But it's like I love the comfortability. Sometimes it seems glamorous to be single but I feel like I have the relationship people spend a lifetime looking for and sometimes never find. We have so much in common, for the most part get along, and enjoy each other's company. Why do I even think of having doubts? Is it because I'm just young? Will the feeling of wanting to "party and be single" go away? Sometimes I wonder if I should discover myself more outside of the relationship and come back to it later. I'm afraid I'm going to slowly disconnect myself from the relationship. I'm also afraid he will find someone else if I leave. I told him once I wish I would have met him later in life. I'm the type of person that once you're in my life you're in my heart forever. It would break my heart to leave him. Last thing I'd like to add is he knows about all these feelings. I make sure to communicate with him about this stuff.

[The walkingman]

You seem Very much like my ex of 5 weeks (Me 22 her 19). I'm still not exactly sure why she broke up with me, her depression and feeling like she needed to be free. She had thought she had communicated some concerns to me about our relationship but her breaking up with me kinda blindsided, make sure you a very direct. I know with her the last week we were together she kept changing her thoughts on what she wanted till she finally broke up with me. I havn't talked to her since a few days post breakup but it seems like the first 2 or 3 weeks she felt like a burden had been lifted but based on quotes she is putting up on her facebook wall in the past week and me knowing her I think she is starting to really miss me though she hasn't tried to contact me yet. Like you I know the last month of our relationship bothered her because between my and her schedule just being unusually busy we were not able to really go out and do anything, so it was just her coming over to spend the night every other night and this bothered her but she didn't let me know till post breakup.

 

I have always looked down on the breaking up/getting back together very shortly after. It appears like you don't put much thought into what should be a very big decision, though this certainly isn't uncommon. My ex had some of the same thoughts on wanting to discover herself more/losing her individuality and maybe it is just me but I don't see any reason why you can't do this in a relationship. While I did the single and party thing for a good while and had plenty of fun it was just as fun if not more so attending said parties with my ex. Is part of it just wanting to experience other guys or not wanting the "responsibility" of a relationship and being free to do whatever whenever.

 

Hope what I posted might be of some help.