The Dating Game...

[misstarrie]

So I decided to get into dating...

 

Met a couple guys both of which lost interest after meeting me.

 

I know it's a fact of life. It's a little disheartening though...isn't it?!

 

They both were very eager... then we met... the date with the first guy went alright.

And the date with the second guy was great, we talked for ages... he didn't want to leave me...

Rubbed my arm when making jokes...

I actually thought he was over eager.

He messaged me after saying he couldn't stop thinking about me... and then we spoke that night for a while...

He texted me after that chat saying he hopes to talk to me again soon.

 

Then... *blam* nothing... and I get a text saying "he isn't feeling it"

 

I had my own hesitations about the guys... They were not my usual "type", number 2 has issues... But I said yes.

 

Why be so fickle? They don't even give things a chance to develop... get to know each other better.

It's like they expect there to be instant fireworks or something... and when there are flickers they just cut it off...

Unless they're all just exaggerating when they say they enjoyed themselves?!

[Ice Breaker]

Try not to feel rejected and just keep meeting new guys. It's better not to dwell on things.

[tyr72]

In all likelihood you'll have many more dates where one or both of you just don't feel it, or after a few dates it fizzles out than you will dates that lead to a long term relationship or even a short term one.

 

Dating is largely a game of patience.

 

In order to find and date the guy you want you have to figure out what kind of guys you like. In order to truly figure out what kind of guys you like, you have to date. Along the way you learn other things about yourself such as your relationship boundaries, dating pet peeves, deal killers, etc - all of which affect who you date and what you want in a date. The problem is you have to jump in and learn it all at the same time which can be frustrating. Don't let it get you down. Rather than focus on finding a boyfriend, focus on enjoying your dates, even if they only happen one time, and use each one as a learning tool.

[misstarrie]

Thanks tyr72 and Ice Breaker

 

I recently heard someone say that failed relationships are a way of learning what you don't want... which I think is true.

And it's what you're saying tyr72.

 

I gave the guys a go... And even though I had hesitations about them both, I would have liked to explore them a bit more.

Just to see if it was first date nerves or something I wouldn't like.

But they didn't even give me that chance.

I can understand the first guy as he and I are a mismatch, I could see that.

But the second guy, the date was good and he said so himself.

It's a bit bewildering to get a "I'm not feeling it" when he was feeling it a few hours earlier.

 

That's his choice... which is fine... but you know... it sucks!

[LaKings55]

Anyone else considering giving up on dating? I know I am. I may be young (mid 20's) but I'm considering maintaining the peace and quiet of being single for my duration on this planet. Of course, every ltr I've had and been exposed to throughout my life have been miserable experiences for all involved. I'm sorry you had to deal with men who acted interested and then bailed. I know the feeling, except with women. I'll admit, I'm quite jaded on relationships, even at my age. I honestly doubt I'd know how to react to a woman who was genuinely interested in me on multiple levels. I hope you find what you're looking for though, misstarie. I don't really have any advice, since I'm the type of guy who avoid games, and tries not to lead anybody on. I remember a coworker once admitted to me that they "really, really liked me" and proceeded to ask me out, which caught me off guard, since the idea of being asked out by a girl was completely foreign to me. However, I was completely honest and told her how I felt about the whole situation, and things ended up fine. I agree with Ice Breaker though, try not to dwell too much on things.

[misstarrie]

Hey LaKings55 - I know how you feel.

Dating sucks!! People need to say what the mean, instead of making stuff up.

This guy told me that he's shy when approaching women and doesn't go out.

So in the "I'm not feeling it" text he tells me, "I went out Friday night and met someone"

Pfft! Why do people bother with such detail?!

It just makes me not trust what comes out of any guys mouth...

 

And then I can't help but be a bit reserved when I do go on a date with a guy...

Maybe they pick up on that... I don't know.

This guy said "I can't stop thinking about you" after our date.

I responded with "I enjoyed my time with you too"

So maybe I didn't give enough emotion.

When I do show some sort of emotion it's like I'm giving over a piece of myself.

Which then leaves me vulnerable.

 

Obviously some people just say stuff without really meaning it?!

[tyr72]

Giving up on dating? Nah. I do take a hiatus from time to time though. Dating can be frustrating. It is good to have some time to just spend with yourself to assess where you are and to determine where you want to go from here. I highly recommend it.

 

I'm not a game player either and finding people who don't play games can be a challenge, but they are out there and to me it is worth it to take the time to look for them.

[LaKings55]

Misstarie, that has been my same experience. Words mean nothing and they can be easily manipulated. Thus, I've learned to judge people by their actions. Someone can look you in the eyes and say "I love you," but what do their actions say. Are they rarely around? Do they seem to avoid you? Doesn't sound like they're in love, right? I also know the feeling of showing emotion and feeling reluctant to continue to do so. The old adage "once bitten, twice shy" comes to mind. You'll find what you're looking for though if you keep your head up and forget these losers faster than yesterday's news. So, forget these two guys, they're not worth your time. I've also noticed that in today's society, people avoid confrontation like the plague, relying on texting and impersonal means of communication. I actually find this ironic though. I can't tell you how many texts I've sent and received that were misunderstood, because text has no tone, and meaning can be taken out of context.