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Chase / Chasing (The push & pull)


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Push and pull doesnt have to do so much with chasing, its a build up of attraction. Its like kissing a girl in the neck, working your way to her mouth, and then saying no playfully. I dont know why you say men are programmed to chase, woman can and do chase, especially now in our society usa/europe, etc. Most women I had chased me, I never "chase", the women can be shakira, but if she thinks I am getting on hands and knees for her, it will never happen. I am not a desperate and weak man, i can be just as picky and challenging as the hottest women in the bar. I dont slave for the chick, i try to attract, she shows attention, i show it back, and so on, if i have to put too much work into it, then she can go home.


So I have to pull so much while shes pushing, and she thinks its cute, then she is going to think its so cute when I dont call her back after I get bored. I have done, and have had it done to me, where the girl pushes and pulls that drives me crazy. Some women who werent that physically attractive to me have done this, and it has worked. She would sit close to me, talk close to me and touch me, then sit away as if she was bored and wanted to leave, then would just kiss me, and if i did a move she would push away and laugh.


But, its not a constant thing, its something done here and there. Like sometimes i would intentionally lower the frequency of calls and act busy for a week, she tries to pull me for attention, so in the weekend when i see her we are both crazy missing each other and i come back pulling her all over the place (distance only makes the heart grow fonder), its a nice touch to spice things up.



So, when thinking about push and pull when it comes to ex's... since you did post this on "getting back together", its basically you trying to rid yourself of your neediness. You pulled too much.


Its ultimately about BALANCE, but i use push and pull as my tools for attraction, like shaping up my goatee a certain way and wearing certain shirts for attraction. If you push too much, you are neglecting them, if you pull too much you are needy, if you do push/pull too much back and forth, then she is confused and will think you arent serious, and/or might be cheating.

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Ok folks.


Maybe someone could help me out here. If men are 'pre-programed' to chase (especailly something we want & can't have) then women, by definition should be 'pre-programed' to be chased!


So why then when you chase you end up pushing them away, and when she is been chased, she pulls away.


Because it doesn't work on everybody. Like some guys just don't have it in them to chase a woman down. (Raises hand) I don't. I just don't have it in me to really pursue women in that fashion it's not my style. Everybody's different.

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Well, i have news for you... some woman will chase... and have.... oh, and still do.


Lol don't fight chillins!! Be nice!


Anyway yeah Thor you are just explaining your own situation

But Mellie I don't chase either...............I think it's the way I was raised ...that men are to do the chasing So now it's in my head stuck there

I feel like if I chase a guy he's gonna run away fast cause men want to do the chasing...so I have NEVER chased

I guess I should try one day lol. I have NEVER walked up to a guy and given him my number....I've never walked up to someone and initiated flirting...

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Why use the word 'chase', when 'approach' is so much better?

The natural inclination when being chased is to run away.

I think what often scares someone away is not the approach, but the speed of the approach.

Sauntering over out of curiosity is one thing, running full speed is quite another.

So, it's the intention that matters most.


Women who never approach a guy are basically opting out of choosing their mate, and instead are simply waiting for life to happen to them. Very dull in my eyes, and of no interest to me personally.


But likewise, someone throwing themselves at me is a major turn off.

Life doesn't have to be so black and white though.

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Women who never approach a guy are basically opting out of choosing their mate, and instead are simply waiting for life to happen to them. Very dull in my eyes, and of no interest to me personally.


But likewise, someone throwing themselves at me is a major turn off.

Life doesn't have to be so black and white though.


Cheers Sim - don't hold back, hey


I'm not saying I'm standoffish. If they're friendly, I'm friendly back and just go with the flow of the situation. But I'd never 'seal the deal' - ask a guy out on a date or whatever. I will drop the hint, if he is interested, he will let you know. And they have. And still do


Opting out of choosing your mate? Completely disagree. In my experience, that thunderbolt, 'BAM' moment, I don't remember it ever just going the one way and nothing coming of that. You don't really choose it, it chooses you. Maybe I've just been lucky. Or maybe I have a 'magic eye' that picks out guys who fit my own needs before the bam moment takes place.


Having said all that, for all the aforementioned, I have experienced love at first sight and had a fabulous relationship out of that, but this was a guy I met in day to day life, not a party environment. I've never hooked up with someone I met in a bar. That just isn't the way I do things. Not to say I think there's anything wrong with going that way, just isn't right for me personally.

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something Ive found out from talking to girl friends is that alot of women are "chased" everytime they enter a social setting so the man that doesnt chase or maybe isnt so obvious about it is the one that intrigues them. sure some women may not chase at all but atleast if you seem like you could care less those women will be more receptive to your advances. Notice how it seems that when you dont go looking for action it generally comes to you? kinda like dont expect to go to a party and get laid or you might be disappointed but if you expect nothing and it happens youll be pleasantly suprised.

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Thats right, you will walk the line of every other guy. Every other guy will chase a fine little mami, compliment her looks, and ask the same boring questions. For those situations where i take the initiative, i am looking for a friend. I am bored, i will talk to you, but i will entertain you. I dont ask for a name unless we hit it off already, i dont ask for specifics. I tease, joke, walk away and talk to friends, come back and tease and start open convos. Nothing about me says, I WANT YOU, i just want a good time with anyone that will listen. If the girl pulls me in a bit with some signs, then i switch it up and asks her about her interests by leading the convo into questions, until then i just want to laugh and have fun, if her friend is there, i will talk to both and look as gestures, body-language, her telling me about herself, or asking things about me. It might seem like game, but its normal human conversations, i am not deceiving, if she doesnt like me, then we can be friends, its all good, because i really am just looking for fun.


Some girls who chase just make it obvious. One woman just randomly walked up to me and gave me a massage. One woman for example heard me talk about history, she seemed interested and kept complimenting me on that from the corner of the room, then asked if i had a girl. This woman was very strong and confident, sat straight up, fixed any errors in the way we talked (we talked kind of street.. i mean we were drunk), demanded attention, and didnt mind leading the conversation- so she had the characteristics of someone who chases and dominates. I dont like girls who chase actually, i do somewhat believe in the male/feminine polarity thing, and i like a very feminine woman, thats what turns me on. I dont like feeling like i am being chased, its not so sexy, and its an odd feeling for me, i am not saying i wont date one, i just dont prefer as much if you come off too strong. Woman can be just as aggressive as men, they can be just as touchy and inappropriate as men as well.


I do love when i show interest that she chases a bit, or throws me a bone to show she is interested. You play hard to get with me, i will leave.

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I somewhat agree...


But I have met many healthy and mature woman who dont like a guy who is too available, and do like a guy who is busy and doesnt fall for the first piece of butt that walks into the bar. Thats like saying a woman who wants a guy that plays "easy to get" is a very mature and healthy woman? There is a social stigma of the guy who is "easy to get", just like there is for a woman. So, I dont think so, you have a better chance of being distant with interest, then pulling with force. I wont be interested in a girl who plays hard to get because i dont have time for that, what am interested in right now is just being cool and being friends, so i keep it moving, i dont want to put work in anything right now. I just got out of a relationship, i dont want to start a connection with someone where i have to commit anything, especially effort.


In my experience, its safer to get the girl who doesnt fall for me so hard and pushes away, or doesnt sleep with me on the first night- its just the girls who make it obvious because they are arrogant and want attention that gets me (who i would never get with past a one-night), i dont see how its any different for women. Unless we are talking about hard to get being like; hey i hate you... but i kind of like you? Or I like you... then hang up and never talk to them again until they crack... thats called "abuse".


Ultimately its all tailored to what you want to attract, and what they want to be attracted to.

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I mainly agree with you. But why does it have to be so black and white?

The opposite of hard to get doesn't have to be easy to get.

Either of those too extremes are essentially unhealthy, and it's those two positions that lead to push pull relationships. There is a third way, which is to get your stuff together, stop using people to fill in the gaps, and basically be a grown up, healthy adult, who stands tall, neither leaning in too much nor leaning away to much, just solid and as you say, interested.

I don't believe in hard to get, just not being too easy.

Ultimately, these distinctions seem to exist as examples of someone who is either overly available, or overly unavailable, neither of which are attractive. Sure you don't want a woman who gives herself too easily. Me neither. I just want someone who's got there sh*t together, you know? (Mod, please don't slap me for using that word, it's totally applicable in this instance!)

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