emily2424 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I recently had a convo with my ex about our break up. After it i realized he constantly makes everything my fault. He took advantage of how understanding i am and manipulated me into thinking everything i did was wrong. I constantly told him i would be there for him and i still love him and everything and he just wants to be friends.. or friends with benefits. I'm pissed because i constantly put my broken aside to mend his. he never said sorry for being a * * * * * to me and never even tried to see my side. and i guess i'm just so fed up with everything, and realizing i gave him everything! i just want to scream. I told him that idk if i can be friends because i still have feelings for you and if you want me to move on then i need to remove you from my life.. and he was like. fine, then just know its YOUR decision alone to throw our friendship away too. ...like he doesn't know what he wants i think...and I'm just getting so fed up with it all. I'm getting MORE hurt and i just want to tell him that I've realized everything now. that he makes me feel like * * * * and I'm done with him making me feel like everything is my fault. UGHGHGHHGHG should i tell him this? Link to comment
WolfZombie Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Emily, In my honest opinion, I feel like you should tell him exactly how you feel and move on. I think it's awful that he's making you feel guilty. And the fact that it sounds like he just wants to be friends, or friends with benefits.. yeah, that's not what you want, so that could never work. You guys want different things. So, let him be. You deserve so much more than that Emily Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 thank you he made MEEE feel like * * * * and then did the same thing and i went with it. then he said "he never wants to make me feel like he's using me" ...i never answered that text and i haven't spoken to him since tuesday. UGH so upset. Link to comment
LindaXO Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 That is a lot of bad feelings bottled up inside of you. Your opinion matters. You should be able to speak your mind. Whether you want to or not is your choice. You can either let him know how you feel or just walk away from him. If you do not plan on having a future relationship with him then just cut the ties. Even if do just give it a few months to die down. I understand you have feelings for him but is this relationship really worth it if he puts you through all of this? Go cold turkey and it will be easiest. You will figure out that there are guys out there who will not treat you like this, you just have to really look. Maybe he will realize that he needs to change if you do tell him. You have to do what is going to make you feel best. I know in the end you will make your own decision. But just remember this is your life and you don't need someone always putting you down. Link to comment
ToF Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I think walking away and not letting him walk all over you anymore will tell him 1,000x more than any words ever could. You could talk at him about his unfair behavior until you are blue in the face, but as the old saying goes, actions truly do speak louder than words. If he is as you say he is, then he WILL feel your absence and your message WILL be received ... Loud and clear. The second you walk away without looking back, is the second the power is back in your hands. Link to comment
WolfZombie Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 The second you walk away without looking back, is the second the power is back in your hands. Well said, ToF Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I agree. I think walking away is the best choice for you right now. But don't look at it as taking power back, look at it as getting yourself back and moving on. Yes it sounds like you were in a 'power struggle' with your man but now you realise that you can work on YOU and start healing. It may take some time, just make sure you have some really supportive friends and family around you so you can move on quickly Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 i know i agree, but i know that if i do tell him everything and then walk away..he'll have to deal with everything I've said swimming around his head day in and day out. he never let me talk about it when i wanted to. we had to wait until he wanted to. it wasn't fair! so i'm going home this weekend.. i might ask him if he wants to meet up and then just tell him everything.. during the sexual talking he said that he was free friday and saturday night. .....but i wouldn't doubt it now if his schedule filled up. ugh I just want him to know. but I'm scared that I'm acting out of pure emotion overload Link to comment
WolfZombie Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 i might ask him if he wants to meet up and then just tell him everything.. Just be careful Emily. Keep your distance and don't get too emotional. Don't let him play anymore games with you. Link to comment
ToF Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 but i know that if i do tell him everything and then walk away..he'll have to deal with everything I've said swimming around his head day in and day out. Unfortunately, you do not know that. If he is really as inconsiderate as you say he is, then it's quite possible that anything you say will go in one ear and out the other. Which would only make you feel worse. If you are 100% neutral about the results (which, given your "emotional overload" comment, I don't think you are), then go ahead and blow up at him all you want. But if there's even a teeny, tiny piece of you that cares if he listens ... Then disappear from his life without a trace. That will tell him everything he needs to know. Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 what do you mean ),: ? Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 he doesn't realize he's being inconsiderate. he doesn't realize any of this...which is why i want him to know! but i know i'll bust into tears and go crazy. I'm sick of being so hurt. Link to comment
Daev Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Oh god this story sounds familiar. I recently left my ex.. he was pretty similar to yours, emily. He would always turn the situation around on me, and make me feel like I was the one causing problems, or over-reacting - when actually he was out there cheating, lying, taking drugs etc. Like your relationship, my ex was not willing to take any responsiblity for his actions. I think the purpose of this is to undermine you and control you - to grind you down and become a lapdog. I agree with the other posters - turn away and do NOT look back. I sometimes want to break my no contact rule, but I stick to it because deep down I know nothing will change. And if I did speak to him, he would just get under my skin and start emotionally abusing me again. Don't let yours do this to you. Goodluck. x Link to comment
Mr Man Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. You need to move on. I know it hurts, believe me I do, but you have to for your own sake. I suggest this: Write him a letter. In your letter, explain the following things: 1. Calmly (not angrily!) articulate the things you want to 'scream at him'. Explain that you are telling him these things so that you a) get it off your chest and b) hope he will learn from his mistakes. 2. Explain that he made a decision that cannot be undone. Say that you agree with it and you do not want to be friends. Explain that his actions had consequences that he must live with for the rest of his life. Tell him you will never take him back and that he should never reach out to you in his life ever again. NOTE: he might not accept this and try crawling back (like my ex did!). If he does, you have tried being nice and now is the time to start being condescending and telling him to get a life and stop bugging you! 3. Wish him all the best and say goodbye forever. If you do these things, you will achive several things. Firstly, you're approaching the situation in a mature and compassionate way - you're taking the highground. Secondly, you're telling him the things which you feel you need to vent. Thirdly, you're setting yourself up on a nice healthy road to recovery and here's why: You're taking control of the situation; you are calling the shots and he has no say in anything anymore. You are also killing any hope of him coming back and you are creating closure for yourself. By telling him that you will never take him back and to never reach out to you ever again, you are placing a fullstop to the end of the relationship. This also gives you the whole No Contact thing which is massively useful for healing and moving on. You don't want him back. The relationship is destroyed and there are so many guys out there who you can have a vibrant, fun, sexy and respectful relatiponship with. There is no point on wasting your time on an ex - it's so much more hassel than it's worth. No matter how much you think you love them and that you'll never find anyone as good as them - it's rubbish and don't forget it! Moving on is definitely what is best for you. Best wishes Mr Man Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 i know i know. he is still only 17 so he doesn't really know any better i think. we had a great relationship...he just neglected me at the end and refused to see my side of it at all at the end. I was the one who broke up with him....becuase he was being so mean ): and we were both stressed and it wasn't working. when we hangout a month later, everything was normal so i got frustrated that he didn't want to be with me again..but because he has no trust in me at all? ...how does that even happen. i broke up with HIM because HE was a jerk..and now he has no trust in me at all? i "intentionally" broke his heart, he didn't "intentionally" break mine through fights. like its just so annoying. he said if things line up again then we could give it a shot but how is he ever going to learn if i don't tell him or anything? i can't decide if i should just stop talking to him or if i should see him explain it all out and then leave. IDK! Link to comment
Mr Man Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Oh I misunderstood! Well, if you made it clear you would leave him if he didn't fix up and start trying to see things from your perspective then you had no other real option. The thing is, you hurt him probably more than you know. Being upset over an argument and experiencing real heartbreak are not the same thing. I can understand what he means when he says he doesn't trust you anymore. He means he doesn't trust you not to break his heart and leave again! My advice is this: If you want him back, you are really going to have to make some serious effort to do so. You're going to have to bite the bullet, apologise deeply and sincerely and admit it was a mistake. You're going to have to really put yourself out there. If you do that and he still doesn't want you, there's nothing more you can do. If he does, then you're going to have to work the problem of him not seeing your side of things so the same thing doesn't happen again. But the hard truth is this - some people will just take an ex back who broke their heart, others won't. I'm one of the ones that absolutely will not. I'm not saying it to be mean - but you did make a decision and you're going to have to learn from and live with whatever the consequences are. I hope it works out well for you both Link to comment
seanryder Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 i know he still loves me but he's fighting it so much. Just curious what your definition of "love" is? What you say about this guy doesn't come anywhere close to my definition! Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 well I'm scared to put my heart set on getting him back and just being his friend and moving from there... because what if I'm trying to get him back and he's just moving on some people say i need to give him space, room to miss me... but how do i do that while trying to make it up to him Link to comment
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