How Many times is Enough?

[downout]

I just wanted to know what anyone thinks an acceptable amount of rejection is for one night. Me and a friend went to a nightclub a few weeks ago not with the intent of meeting ou rsoulmates but maybe a friend or at least some social interaction and at the very least have a good time. Anyways we were trying to chat up girls all night, ask for dances, or even just plain conversation. Unfortunately we were rejected multiple times in a single evening and it really started to get to me. I must have been snubbed like 6 times and I know i have to start taking more risks to find someone and "put myself out there" but getting pushed away so many times is really damaging my confidence. I know I have to stay strong, be positive and dont give up but when u get rejected that often it is really making me wonder. The worst part is this has happened on more than one occasion. I do my best to shrug it off, but I would be lieing if I said it dosent hurt and makes me feel bad about myself. I personally dont know anyone who has been rejected that many times in a single evening but I went home that night and many others lonely, sad, confused, hurt, and wondering what is wrong with me. I cant believe how hard it is just to get a date never mind a life partner, its ridiculous. The thought of having to face many more rejections just to find a single person to say yes just dosent seem fair somehow, I really wonder how everyone else does it and it comes so easy. I just dont get it..........Any input would be appreciated.

[Goddess4ever]

Well....in your situation...I would have to look at the venue. It was a bar. Now...maybe my perception is off...but in general, people go to the bar to get negative attention, get drunk, and try to take someone home. Obviously this is not EVERYBODY'S intent....but that is the gist of it. Maybe there are different kinds of bars in different cities....but this is what I have found where I live. They are loud, full of drunk people, and very superficial. I have found that when I go to a bar (which hasn't been for a long time because I don't enjoy it)....the only time men would talk to me was so they could "take me home"...not to get to know me....that's what dinner or coffee is for. To be honest, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It is very hard to meet ppl in a place like that (for more than just sex). Now if you got blown off at work or school ALL THE TIME...that may be different. Try not to let it suck your self-confidence down....the bar is like the breeding ground for alpha males. Why don't you try to approach women in a more neutral environment....I am sure you will have waaayyy more luck there.

[reflex]

this happened to me alot the best way to deal with it is next time just go out and have fun with your friend. on the night dont look 4 girls just injoy yourself and if they come up and talk then hay cool if not least u had a good time. i did this and i allways have a good nite as i dont think about it. hope this helped

[Scout]

I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes I go through phases where it seems I must give off a really positive aura, and I get a lot of interest from guys. Other times, it's like I have the plague. For example, I haven't had a *real* date in months. I can't remember the last guy who hit on me unless you count the Jordanian clerk loaded with gold chains at the 7-Eleven.

 

All I can tell you is to take the rejection with a grain of salt and realize there are going to be times when your dance card is full and other times when you have to dust off your phone. Hard as it is not to, try not to take it personally and start to think females are "the enemy". Everyone goes through phases when they're just not getting much attention from the opposite sex. It sucks, but it's only when we stop caring that they perk up and notice us!

[ComputerGuy]

Everyone goes through phases when they're just not getting much attention from the opposite sex. It sucks, but it's only when we stop caring that they perk up and notice us!

 

True that...I went through that phase for the last 19 years....in the past 8months however, I have been getting a little bit (albeit a VERY little bit) of attention. And yes, I have stop caring about it now.

[Goddess4ever]

Also, Down&Out.....we are both in the same city! I would love to know the bar that you went to. Maybe even try pubs....people are a lot more friendly there...more open, social, and having fun. I could give you some names of some that are really awesome!

[downout]

Also, Down&Out.....we are both in the same city! I would love to know the bar that you went to. Maybe even try pubs....people are a lot more friendly there...more open, social, and having fun. I could give you some names of some that are really awesome!

 

Interesting, small world isnt it. We were at Cowboys that night and may never go back there. I hadnt been there in a long while and my friend i went with actually used to work there many years ago. He even wore the t-shirt they supplied him with when he was working there to hopefully bring us some good luck with the ladies but it didnt work. I do go to pubs every now and then. I am still not 100% comfortable approaching strangers cold all the time though. I mean even if i go to pubs with a friend and dont know anyone there, i still have to approach girls and take risks so either way its basically the same thing. It can be hard approaching a table of like 4 girls all by yourself though I have managed to do it a few times. I just joined the gym recently so maybe my luck might be better there as I like to work out. Btw do you have msn? I am always looking for new friends. I dont know if you are as shy as I am but it would be nice having someone to talk about it with since none of my friends really understand.