What do make of this behavior?

[sally101]

My story in a nutshell:

 

After a summer of my boyfriend of 2 years being indifferent to me at times, and many conversations about what to do, he finally breaks up with me. Not a bad breakup , and we left it that perhaps it might still work in the future. He did not want to be friends because it would hurt too much, so we left it at that. I don't contact him again.

 

After 1 week of NC, he seeks me out, and says it would hurt him so much to see with another man. He also wants to be friends now. He also asked to kiss me. I said no, but nicely. Good conversation.

 

What do you make of this? Have seen him since, and he is really friendly and always tries to make some kind of small connection to me (physical or just conversation) Is this his way of feeling out the situation for a possible realtionship? Breakups befor the guy always just exits, end of story, so I do not know what to make of this. I am still not contacting him.

 

Thanks so much for your help!!!

[Nifty_Swifty1]

It sounds like he's already made up his mind to take a nother try if you ask me.

[AzurePhoenix]

I agree with Nifty_Swifty1.

 

It looks like he is trying to make a connection with you and the ball is in your court.

 

~AzurePhoenix

[sally101]

That is sort of the feeling I had, but no mention has been made of trying again, so I don't know if I am misreading these signs. Still, I guess he must be still interested to want some contact with me?

[sym666]

Or it could be nostalgia. In love, we may suffer even when we are convinced on what we have done...

Try to understand the reasons of his behaviour.

[sally101]

I have a feeling that I finally know what this is about. I think he wants a relationship with me, and does not want to lose me. However, we were pretty intense emotionally, and I am feeling that perhaps by breaking things off, then starting things all over we can do so on a less intense basis and see what happens.

 

Does this make sense? I would not mind doing this as long as the relationship was still exclusive. I am not contacting him, but will talk to him if he contacts me. Has anybody had a long relationship that you continued, but on a less intense basis for awhile?

[frizzle]

You know, you could just talk to him. Tell him you want to get back together but you want to take things slowly. It looks like he might be wanting to try again so the best thing to do is communicate it, not hope he just somehow "gets it" by avoiding him.

[sally101]

Thanks, Frizzle

 

I am really not avoiding him, just not initiating contact. If we see one another (which has been almost on a daily basis since we have alot of the same activities) we talk, just not about "us". We have had probably over 6 hours of conversations about "us" over the past 2 weeks (initiated by him, first the breakup, and then the time he contacted me to become friends after all).

 

I just feel that the "the" conversation about possibly trying again should be brought up by him, sine he is the one that broke up with me. I am just not the type to bring it up...unless I had done the breaking up. I don't want to put myself out there in a vulnerable position and get hurt. He knows I care about him and did not want to break up in the first place, but I also was not ready to kiss him a week later. Nothing was said during that conversation about getting back together, just about our friendship now, how he does not like to see me with other guys, and begging me to kiss him.

 

I just don't know how people go from this point (broken up and a somewhat "damaged" relationship because of it) to getting back together, eventhough we never fought or said harsh words, and the actual breakup was filled with kindness to one another (sounds weird, I know). I would need some time to slowly almost date him again, and see how it goes. I feel that he would want the same thing. I don't think either one of us is ready for the intensity of a full blown relationship at this point.

 

Am I way off base with this?

[casper]

you don't need to understand his behavior....all you need to know is what you want, if that is to try again then go after it...if he rejects then you know.