feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Was doing so well until about an hour ago i get an email from my ex...he dumped me we both agreed NC is for the best we cannot be friends and keeping in contact will not be of any benefit to us. so why now be so weak and send an email??? i dont have the strength to reply to him but dont want to hurt his feelings either, i know how horrible it is to feel ignored by someone you are trying to reach out to, what should i do? Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 What did he say? What were the conditions of the breakup? Link to comment
Fern Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 That depends on what he said. He dumped you. You need to be strong and not let him string you along with crumbs just because he's having a weak moment. They do that. Link to comment
feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 the break up was initiated by him, we just weren't who we used to be, we were only together 6months and crammed in a 10yr relationship into those 6months, it was highly intense. we broke up 2 weeks on sunday, had a few teething problems as we thought we could be friends and support each other, saw each other 3 times after the break up and ended up in bed each time so we decided on NC, i still hadnt fully accepted that it was over probably because we were still on touch but he said he needed to move on and i respected that so NC began. we then had contact last thursday, again we decided NC was the way forward and have been NC since, Thursday was closure for me and gave me what i needed to accept that its over, along with that NC has given me time to realise he did do wrong and i took the blame on to my self. we both made mistakes i'm not totally innocent and we both have a lot of work to do on ourselves his email: I hope ur ok. U shudnt worry too much about trying to diagnose your self or over analyse the relationship. We had an amazing time. So were not bad and * * * * ed up. We made mistakes. I made mistakes. This is equally hard for both us but we will be ok. Sorry to email u ... Been fighting the urge. Read ur blog. Had to reply. I don't know even if it is a good idea to send this mail. I dont know if it will help or hinder. I hope it helps. I'm well. Keeping myself as busy as possible. not easy adjusting to the old life after having some amazing company. Ho hum Good luck. I hope ur well. u don't have to reply to this mail. i have been updating my blog daily, its personal to me, has my thoughts feelings, what im doing my plans for my future, we are no longer together, is it right for him to still be reading it??? Link to comment
feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 That depends on what he said. He dumped you. You need to be strong and not let him string you along with crumbs just because he's having a weak moment. They do that. hey fern, i know what you mean its just totally come out of the blue, hes only human and going through a hard time too i understand the urges to get in touch but i respected his wishes i think he should respect mine to, as for reading my blog, only me and him know about the it, is that a violation, should he not know to stop reading it now we are no longer together or is it something i should have told him. i dont want to but now i'm going to have to stop blogging and that upsets me more than anything Link to comment
northpickle Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Good morning feel Personally, about the blog, can you start a new one or make it so it's private to you? Then he has no idea what you're going through. That will help neither of you heal. As for the email, I'm not sure. Do you truly want to move on without him, or do you hope to reconcile? I wouldn't do anything about replying to it yet though, get some advice on here and mull it over. Take care Link to comment
feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Good morning feel Personally, about the blog, can you start a new one or make it so it's private to you? Then he has no idea what you're going through. That will help neither of you heal. As for the email, I'm not sure. Do you truly want to move on without him, or do you hope to reconcile? I wouldn't do anything about replying to it yet though, get some advice on here and mull it over. Take care Hey north, hope your well not had a chance to catch up with your thread this morning i need the time and space to find myself, the rejection and him not wanting to make effort to try and fix things but rather walk away still hurts, i also dont know if i will be able to trust him again and if i cant then even if we get back together it will be doomed. i just want to be able to find myself, i no longer no who i am or who he is, i still love him dearly but there is a lot of work that needs to be done and i dont know if we would be able to do that together, the thought of being in a relationship with him at the moment scares me, i dont want to go back to the same place where we were that last month of the relationship the settings on the blog are private, no one can find it, its not open to the public but he knows url and thats how he accesses it, i think its unfair that i would have to start a new one wen the current one has history it will break the flow, i will see if maybe i can put a password or something on it a week ago i would have already replied to the email, right now i have read it once and left it sitting there on the other hand we had such a great relationship too Link to comment
northpickle Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Hey I understand about not wanting to upset the flow of your blog, but if you were to start a new one you could always update your old one with the new posts when you think you are ready. But yes, a password would work too if that's available. I also understand a lot of what you're saying, you both need time and space regardless of whether you are to get back together or not. And I also understand the rejection, not wanting to sort things out but for him to walk away. Exactly the same thing here. A relationship between you right now is not an option. I hear you completely! I think I would not reply in your case. However I replied to a similar email 3 weeks into NC so I can hardly talk! It's just so tough, isn't it? I've updated my thread a few times since last night, feel free to give your ever welcome input when you have time! I'm doing OK right this second, just flitting between housework and catching up with news on here. Take care Link to comment
Fern Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 hey fern, i know what you mean its just totally come out of the blue, hes only human and going through a hard time too i understand the urges to get in touch but i respected his wishes i think he should respect mine to, as for reading my blog, only me and him know about the it, is that a violation, should he not know to stop reading it now we are no longer together or is it something i should have told him. i dont want to but now i'm going to have to stop blogging and that upsets me more than anything His email doesn't deserve a reply - he's not saying anything new. I'd password protect my blog and delete the email without replying. If he contacts you again saying he made a mistake or he wants to talk about something - then you can review the situation. Replying to that message is only prolonging the agony for both of you. Let it go. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 ok so only broke up 2 weeks ago, but NC for 5 days then....but slept with each other 3 times in 9 days clearly intensity still there, so more space is needed to cool off, so if recon is/could be on the cards it can be done without that longing/horniness youre prob both feeling. think this through with abit more clarity..helped by NC he said not to reply...ive said that in the past only cos i feared that whatever my ex at that time would say would hurt me more. however, that may not be the case with your ex so best to do as he requests and not reply. i dont wanna give you false hope...but i dont think this is over and you'll end back up together....BUT...with that in mind, use this time to fix your side of the issues that contributed to the split. dont give in to that thang you both got only to end up in the same s*** bit further down the line. give it a month and see where youre at....keep us posted Link to comment
feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 it really is tough, i care for him and dont want to be tough and hurt him anymore than hes hurting right now, i really do just want my space to get my life back on track, he left me in a really bad place and i just want to find myself and make myself a better person, i dont want to make the same mistakes whether its with him or not Link to comment
feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 thats exactly where i am at the moment, we both made mistakes, my frustrations took over and i turned into a person i do not recognise and dont want to become again for me the best way to handle this is to accept that it is truly over, that relationship is over theres no denying that but i cant hold on to hope that we will one day get together, the way i feel right now i dont want us to be together, being in a relationship with him scares me i just want my space, he also needs his space then we will see what the future holds thanks for you advice, i think if i was going to reply i would have done it by now, there is nothing constructive i have to say, i cant help him in anyway so its best i say nothing at all at this point Link to comment
feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 His email doesn't deserve a reply - he's not saying anything new. I'd password protect my blog and delete the email without replying. If he contacts you again saying he made a mistake or he wants to talk about something - then you can review the situation. Replying to that message is only prolonging the agony for both of you. Let it go. yeh im not going to reply, i think if i wanted to i would have by now, the urge to reply is not there, i have nothing to say i will have to sort something out about the blog thanks for your advice Link to comment
feellikeafool Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 i feel really horrible and the thought of how it might hurt him really upsets me but i have changed the url of my blog so he can no longer access it why do i feel so bad for doing this, do u think i should send a courtesy email saying we still need to keep NC and that includes the blog as it wont help? Link to comment
northpickle Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Don't feel bad, this is for you! You you you! If he cares for you he will understand. I wouldn't send a courtesy email if you've already agreed to be NC with him. Well done for being brave. Baby steps! Link to comment
Fern Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Well done! You're being very brave. And you're doing the right thing. Stay strong. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Even though he said he doesn't want a reply, he does. I would suggest not doing so. I don't think he realized the depth of his feelings until now. Mark my words, you have not heard the last from him. Take steps according to what YOU want and keep your head up. He had nothing but positive things to say and was taking personal accountability which is very mature yet as other posters have said he is only human and thus is guilty of emotional impulses as well. Link to comment
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