Please help! Ex say's she "needs space"

[Panz3r]

Hey my names Tom and I've been seeing a girl for about a year so far. We met at my first job and I asked her to "tell your grandma, I said hi". After that we began to talk and before you know it we were unseperable. As the month's began to roll by things only got better, we both had dreams and had a plan laid for life. We also agreed that we would stay together when she went of to College. I was going to enlist into the Army and get a place close to her campus apon completion of basic tranning. But soon she began hanging out w/ her friends more and I would get jelous. Only because she would blow me off so she could go out... Then the fighting started.... Soon after she decided she needed a break. Then we moved on to the whole on-a-break thing. But we talked more and I began to express interest in her once more only to find out she doesnt feel the love she used to! Her claims for our break up are as follows: we fought to much, she needed a break, she doesnt want a boyfriend, she "just wants to have fun" (dating but not getting serious), and she say's she too busy for the stress a b/f brings (yet she'll still hang out with her g/f's as much as WE used to in the first months. She still tells me she loves me, and I still have a chance. But how is this possible??? Please help.. I've attempted suicide twice and I really dont wanna finally push the button! I just want her back! Please tell me whats going on before it's too late.... Thank you very much.

Much Love -Tom-

[insomnia]

Been there a few times...I bet she is under the age of 20 isn't she.

[Panz3r]

As a matter of fact yes she is

[Belinda]

I'll tell you what I think about this, since I've said this to a guy before also. Remember every circumstance is different though.

My ex was being WAY too klingy for my liking, he put me on such a pedestal and whenever I met with him he couldnt get his grubby hands off me, he was like a dog in heat, he didn't understand how to neutralise his feelings at all. He also had cheated on me, but it was more the fact that he was clingy AFTER that, kept telling me he loved me, wanted to marry me, have kids, settle down. That would all be fine and well, IF he was telling the truth, and he wasn't (trust me on this one, he was around with every girl and their dog). Anyway, my point here is two things.

1) Maybe you scared her away because she's young, you may be one of the first people she's dated and she wants to try dating other people before settling down too soon (young marriages are getting way too popular - so are divorces for that matter) and youve rang a bell in her head thats said "get away - fast".

2) Maybe you put both her, the relationship and your need for her too high on a pedestal . Obviously if youve attempted suicide its WAY WAY WAY too high on your priorities. You have to understand that is ALOT of pressure to put on her. My boyfriend always said if I left him he'd commit suicide - which in turn made me want to run away even more. Too much too soon if you ask me. But Im worried about you, not her here. I've been in the situation of attempting suicide also, and really, its NOT worth it. Youre much better than that Im sure, and you shouldnt base your entire existence on someone else.

Live life for yourself, because ultimatly we all die alone anyway. Love you first, then someone else. *hugs* I hope you get through this okay, just keep together and find someone who will appreciate all the effort and devotion you put forth into a relationship. Some people love it, others get repulsed by it. Even though it is a wonderful quality, Im one of the latter.

Either way, you sound like a kind and sensible person and Im sure if you're strong, you can get through all this mess. Good luck

[kungfumaster]

Hello Tom,

 

It sounds like you have low self-esteem. I think you place too much emphasis on your relationship with her, and I think you think without her, you are not "complete". You are thinking you cannot live without her.

 

But that is not true. I don't know you, but my guess is that you're young. I know right now that you are probably going a bit nuts over this, but please don't take it so seriously. Again, I don't know you, but you are probably a very nice, warm hearted person, but right now, you just need a little self esteem. What are you good at - what do you like to do, independent of your g/f that makes YOU feel good?? Do these things - do anything that makes you feel good about yourself. Give your girlfriend some space - you cannot be jealous of her when she wants to spend time with her friends. She is probably thinking to herself now, "how can I rely on someone who is so clingy and jealous, who can't show that he is an independent and strong emotionally??"

 

So Tom, I know its hard, but try to find something you like about yourself now, and concentrate on that - invest in it, develop it, and let it grow.

 

Peace.

Kung fu