Broke NC...totally Happy.. LONG.

[iceesnowbubble]

Alright.. so i don't know how many of you have been following my story, but the history doesnt matter too much.. a quick summary...

2.5 years of dating

this past break was number 5 of having huge break ups..the other four he came back after dumping me...

Either way this time at the end he told me " i will never speak to you again, i hate you" ... HE always means what he says.. * he is 21 if that matters*

Well, i took it at face value..and realized, he won't talk to me again. Of course I did my best to keep in contact..but that was 2 months ago that he told me that he hated me. He ignored myy phone calls, yelled at me, called me everything in the book, put me down ( some of it i deserved, as i hurt him pretty badly...* WE still had aggressive conversations over the phone, til it got to the point when he wasn't allowed to talk to me on the phone due to his parents wishes ..because it was too much of a distraction. Either way.. I left him alone for a month, and called him anyways after getting no response to an email i sent. Yes, totally aggressive and against the rules on enotalone. com ( not literally against the rules, but most of the people on here are strong supports of NC and not pushing the ex) .. but let me tell you I pushed his buttons a lot. I wasnt supposed to call..but I did. He actually was with his family, yet he answered the call..and asked me to call him later that night. I did so, after waiting til about 20 mins after the time he told me to call in order to not be desperate, and when he answered the phone he made it clear he could not talk, but wanted me to know he got my email ( it was giving him an option of trying to be friends, or just not talking for a very long time cuz i wont be strung along) and he said that he didnt wantto be friends. I told him that unless he showed some effort I would be very pissed off at him, and he promised to make the effort... which he has so far shown me...which I am very shocked after this last break up and how bitter it ended. Even though he said he didnt want to be friends, he still called me that night even though he wasnt supposed to, and i figured he was confused, so i convinced him just to talk to me online..basically forcing a friendship on him..bad news. The phone coversation took place on a friday, and he told me we could talk online (this was the only option because of the no phone call rules by his parents) and he said we could talk on monday. Low and behold, monday comes and I cant wait to talk to him since its been forever, so i send him an email telling him im online, thinking... hey, he needs to go online, and 2 minutes after i send it, he goes online. We talk, but the converstaion was crap because i told him from the get go i had three rules... and we argued a little bit, but i wanted to be in control.. ( i know, im so aggressive)... neways.. that day (monday) he told me that we would talk again later that night, or tomorrow *being tuesday* and it got to today*thursday* and i was upset because tehre had been no sign of making communication, after he promised to make the effort. I got impatient, because i told him not to break his word, so i called him and left a message... and literally 10 minutes later he signs online... and he said " i was sleeping because i have only had five hours of sleep in the past 3 days, but i woke up to talk to you"... and he said that it was nice to talk to me.. and such...but neways..whats my point? I am not really sure, but this is a massive step for me, this guy told me jsut on friday that he didnt want to be my friend, not now or ever, a friendship was too hard, and yet today after our conversation was closing he said " it was really nice talking to you again, have a wonderful day tomorrow".. and I am finally glad that I have something happy to write about on this forum. I was very supportive of NC until I realized it wasnt working for me, and even though I was way more aggressive with my ex then i am advising everyone else to be ( I know my ex well, and i know that dictating what i want and making sure he knew that is the only way to work on things) .. i still think that if deep down in your heart you think you can control your emotions..then break Nc with your ex. If you don't succeed.. dont be afraid. Whats the worst that could happen.. if you push them away..then they arent coming back neways because they dont love you.. you can never push love away.. it just doesnt happen... if its love, you can prolong them coming back, but not push them away forever. I never thought i would get my ex to talk to me again, or attempt a friendship, because he told me he hated me, his family now hates me ( and he respects them more than anything) and he said just a month ago ..even on monday..that being friends was too hard right now and that we could never do it, not for a year or two..and yet i made contact, i wanst scared, and i got results. We are now friends, which is all i want right now and for a while... so if you guys ahve any questions comments... feel free...

 

-Brianna

[aireyc]

First, he's 21. Why is he with his parents and following their rules? Yeah, don't kill the house is a good rule, but they are controlling who he is allowed to talk to? That should have ended 3 years ago. Now on to you, I'm glad it worked out in your case, but I wouldn't want to be in a friendship that required that much effort. Wouldn't you only want to be friends with someone who ACTUALLY CARED? Forcing anything can't be good unless it's like to save his life and he is mentally incompetent. I don't know, that just seems messed up to me.

 

Chris

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Briana,

 

I agree with what you said about pushing love away. But be careful, becasue people can love more than one person, and love can fade. You may push them so hard that they won't want you back "for years" and by that time they have moved on or fell for someone else.

 

The other thing is whenever someone says "we broke up 5 times" I think to myself "this is not going to work." The more you break up the more likely it's not going to work. I know one couple who broke up 4 times and are now married. But this is extremely rare, and I don't know of any couple who broke up 5 times and are happy together. I think if you broke up more than once you're pushing your luck.

 

So I think you should do what he says anyways. I know you want to be his friend, but the fact that you broke NC shows that you're not ready yet. First of all, you can NEVER be a true friend with someone you love romantically. It just doesn't work like that. You're going to be hoping for something more and that is not friendship. You really should try and date other people and grow more, give it a couple of years, maybe you'll find someone else, or maybe you can both approach the relationship with more of a maturity later in life.

 

Good luck.