i dont know how to deal with this, my friend just died...

[strawberry_gashes17]

ok heres my problem. in may one of my best friends died. she tried to commit suicide and failed, her parents found her and rushed her to the hospital. when she got there they were able to keep her breathing but she neve woke up. i guess i should tell you that she lived in rhode island, i live in washington d.c. well any ways her parents decided that they were going to pull the plug but not before i had a chance to get up there and say good bye to her. then her mother asked me if i wanted to be the one that pulled it, that made me so mad that one they were going to kill her and two that she wanted me to do it. then i thought about it and i could see where she was coming from but i was still upset. so any ways i went up there after my prom and said my good byes and was there when she died. that was 4 months ago. now every month on the day that she died i want to start cutting again even though i kno what happened to her and how much it hurt not just me but my b/f and other friends as well. so i guess my questions to you all is what can i do that will help me to not want to or do things like that every month? i should probablly add that for the last 2 yrs before i cut reall bad... i had to be hospitalized twice.

any adivce that u might have is greatly appreciated. thanks again

[mymelancholysoul]

Katie,

You'll always be one of the most important people in my life. Even though we have only started talking this past school year, I have never felt so close to someone. I have been able to trust you with all my secrets. Hell, you stood up to Dinapoli at school after that bull with the missing money. You were the one who made Renee back down when she was threatening to tell Mrs Foley. You even asked me If I wanted you to come home after that crap with Kevin. You've always been there for me..always. But now, not I am going to be the one thats here for you. As I suggested before, writing letters or diaries to Mikki might help. When Casey passed, I seriously considered drinking bleach. I know that Mikki's mom wont spread the ashes over her grave, but maybe it would be best if you went back to them time and time again to remember all the goods times you're having. Its alright to smile, its right to feel glad that you're alive. You just have to remember, that Mikki made a choice just like the rest of us do. Her choice was to pass, but that doesn't mean she loved you any less. Think about it, would Mikki be glad to know you were up to the old things? She loved you so much but her hurt ran too deep and she saw no other option. Maybe you don't need to try and say goodbye, maybe you aren't ready for that closure yet. Some people say that when you put the past behind you, you can move on quicker. Maybe you should keep it open and remember all those good times you had with her, all the crazy things you did, all the fun you had. Maybe you could write Mikki a letter that includes all the things you did; the good, the bad, even her passing. In the letter, say how it made you feel. Closure isn't for everyone and you can't be expected to just get over her passing. Whenever the urge to cut comes up, think about the good times with Mikki and the "group". Smile, laugh, cry. Its okay to cry...its okay to hurt...and its okay to remember. I love you...and Ill always love you. You will always be someone I can trust and someone I want to share things in my life with. I dont want our friendship to end after high school. I want you in my future, I want you as my friend. I promise, Ill never leave you. I promise Ill always do my best to help and I promise ill always love ya. Be safe. Be careful. -hugs-

------------Nikki--------------->

[sayer7]

That was one of the most profound and loving letters I've ever come accross here.... God bless you two, you're in my prayers.

[mtastic]

strawberry_gashes17 & mymelancholysoul,

 

I don't know what to say two except that you have all my sympathies, however I think you two will be able to get through this together.

 

Strawberry Gashes- consider yourself extremely lucky to have a friend as caring and supportive as mymelancholysoul.

 

Mymelancholysoul- that was a wonderful message in support of your friend. If I could find a friend as caring as you seem to be, I think it would make life alot easier.

 

Good luck to the both of you,

mtastic

[strawberry_gashes17]

mtastic, thank you. yeah she is the greatest person in the world. shes the only person in the entire world that can help me sometimes. thank you for ur prayers and thoughts it helps to kno that ppl care.

[mymelancholysoul]

mtastic: Thank you so much for your kind words. You too Katie dear. You'll never know how much you mean to me. You and I, we gotta stick together in this world. And that goes to everyone. You can't...fight your battles alone. Sometimes, you need that helping hand to pull you through. Just imagine how beautiful the world would be, if we helped each other out of tough situations.

[mymelancholysoul]

The smile on your face

Lets me know that I am safe.

When you come around

With your hands stuffed in jacket pockets

Eyes asking questions

I can reply in silence

And you know my answer.

It's a different sort of feeling

Because I trust in you

And you trust in me.

Though your laughter

Does falter

And I know

You want to cry.

But thats okay

Because Ill walk by

And give you the answer

Without ever speaking.

There isn't an I

There isn't a you

Theres an us.

Not a romantic us

Or a playful us

A real us.

Because without you

There is no me.

You keep my secrets

Dry my tears

And make me feel,

Whole again.

If Its me against the world,

I know I can't survive.

But,

If its us against the world,

I know I have a chance.

 

Its not my best piece...but its for you Katie....

[abcd1234]

With a friendship as strong as that i know that you can both pull through this tough time together. Stick together and you will both be fine.

 

abcd1234