Really need opinions, GOING INSANE

[kitten311]

I've been with my boyfriend about 2 years now. We are a lot alike and I feel we are completely perfect for each other.... It's just the trust issue...it's making our relationship rocky and I think we are both disgusting each other with it....

 

He just turned 21 and i'm only 19 so on his bday he wanted to go to the bar with his friends...i was fine with that, because you only turn 21 once and i intend to go out when i turn 21, but i would prob. want him to be there too...i could have gone with him and just not drank but he said no, he only wants to go with the guys...so i got really angry and he said "now that i'm going to a bar are u going to go out and cheat on me" I never cheated on him but he always says things like that...during our 2 years we did have a break where i kissed someone else and he didn't so i always get that held against me...but i'm WITH him , i chose him

 

Now he is saying he'll go out to the bar with his friends once and awhile. I know he's never gonna invite me...Is it wrong for me to be mad about this??? I don't know what to do, I think that bars are for single people? That's my opinion. People go there to mingle, right? Tell me if i'm wrong.

 

I just get jealous thinking about who he could be talking to...And I know he's the same way because every day he always pounds me with questions such as

Who'd you see so far today?

Who'd you talk to today?

No really, who'd you talk to?

 

Is there something I'm missing, I feel helpless. All this thinking and being paranoid is driving me insane.

 

I want this relationship to work, what can I do to initiate more trust in this relationship...I wanna do something to help and have him follow my lead

 

IF anyone can help, please do! I'll appreciate it

[i_hate_the_world47]

Ok i know im young but im not stupid.I dont think its wrong that your mad.i mean it was his birthday and he didnt invite you.But you shouldnt linger on thi and let it drive you insane.Why dont you talk to him.Tell him you wanna go,or how ever you feel.hope this helps.

 

~Meagan~

[kitten311]

Thanks, you're right that I shouldn't linger on it, but I can't help it

 

I tried to talk to him about all of this, but for some reason he just gets so angry.

 

I said it hurt my feelings that he didn't want me to come and he yelled "WHY CAN'T I JUST HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS WITHOUT YOU"

 

Made me feel like i'm smothering him when in all actuality i NEVER go out with him and his friends, once in awhile i'd like to, and i tell him that, but it's like off limits

[i_hate_the_world47]

well not to jump to conclusions,but maybe he doesnt want you to come with him b/c he has a girl on the side.That is probably not it but its possible.I hope everything begins to look up.

 

~Meagan~

[kitten311]

Nah I know that's not it at all. I know he wouldn't do anything to me or cheat on me...I'm just jealous of the fact that he goes there with other people and talks to other people

 

Thanks for your help though

[i_hate_the_world47]

Well if you dont think he is going to cheat on you hen dont worry about who he talks to.I am sure he just talks.

 

~Meagan~

[squarepeg]

Kitten,

 

Sounds like your being pretty honest with yourself. It is just that: your jealous he is 21 and has ventured into bars without you. You feel the loss of expierencing that without him and he is not being understanding about it.

 

Best bet in this situation is to back off and give him his space..let him explore this without you. If there is a true bond there, you will see him call you back and miss you.

 

I had a similar situation in my youth when I graduated from highschool. My bf at the time was a year younger and didnt like the fact that I went out and had those expierences without him. He got very insecure and ended up cheating on me. I'm not sure he wanted to be with someone that could move ahead of him like that. You need to let your bf have that expierence without you.

 

Good luck.

[kitten311]

Thank you ..I love your advice