is this normal heartbreak?

[wicked6018]

this is my second heartbreak. the first was a few years ago, and yes, it crushed me, but this one is much worse because we were engaged, that is a huge commitment that he just took away from me. i never, ever expected to get so deeply hurt by this man.

i am wondering if all of these are normal, and how long it will take me to feel better:

 

i can hardly eat. in the past four days, i have had some chips, crackers, a very small amount of mac and cheese, and two granola bars. i truly can hardly move because i am so weak.

 

i can hardly sleep. i don't really have trouble falling asleep, because i am so emotionally exhausted, but i always wake up in the night and can't go back to sleep. all i want is sleep so that i won't have to think about this.

 

i cannot stop thinking about him, and this is the worse part. EVERYTHING reminds me of him. he was singing me love songs just a few weeks ago, and i can't get his VOICE out of my heart. it is really driving me insane.

 

i bathe, brush my teeth, etc. but wonder what is the point? same with fixing my hair and makeup, i wonder, what is the point because i'm not with him anymore and there is no reason to look pretty.

 

i just don't know how to get through this kind of pain. i don't know how i am going to go back to college classes in a month and focus and pass. last time i had my heart broken, it was right before finals week, and i actually had to postpone my tests because i was too messed up to focus or study at all.

 

i need serious help. anything would be appreciated.

[carrie8484]

Your emotions and behaviour are perfectly normal

 

In the first stages of the break up you feel like there is no point in doing anything at all. Aside from dragging myself out of bed to go to work, I found myself barely able to turn the kettle on, wash clothes, buy food, anything.

the little pleasures in life suddenly vanish or become horrendous chores - such as eating, washing my hair, etc - I just could not face it.

You feel heavy, numb, tormented, crazy, worthless... every emotion rolled into one and nothnig you can do to change the situation

 

the good news is things will get better

 

you have been through this before. you survived. you can do it again.

This is what I am using to get me through - the fact I have survived it twice already. It does not make it any easier, but knowing what tiny little things can help you get through the day from previous experience will make a bit of difference. I keep telling myself I will not beg him back, I will not let him see i'm upset, I will be strong if I ever have to face him even though im dying inside. Talk to friends, get close to people you may have drifted away from - use this time to get to know new and old people better, and I know it sounds extremely difficult, but work on yourself - you need to heal, but part of that healing involves making some changes in your life - and eventually setting yourself up to meeting someone new who truly deserves you and, possibly, showing the ex exactly how you've turned yourself around since the break up

[wicked6018]

thanks. he told me all these things that made me feel i should have hope, but now i feel that he was not sincere and that they were just excuses, like he was just trying to not hurt my feelings. he is going to florida next month, and i find it ironic that when he joins the coast guard he wants to be stationed in florida. i have a feeling that he is going to meet a new woman there, go get stationed there to be with her, and they will live happily ever after, while i'm left here to rot. there is no one, NO ONE where i live or anywhere close that i would ever be interested in. i really just feel that he became bored with this relationship, even though i treated him so well, and wants to see what else is out there. i can guarantee, he will not find another me. it's been two days NC, and it is killing me, but i am NOT saying anything to him. and if by chance he says something to me, i'm going to tell him that i think NC is best.

[Zuri]

YES! I went through the exact same symptoms. In addition I had panic attacks (heart racing out of control when I was at rest and a feeling in my gut that I had just fallen) and could not stop crying. It was all day for several days. Uncontrollable. You have to ride it out. This forum helped me a lot. You'll be ok. Trust me. I think a lot of us on here would have given a limb to stop that pain when we were going through it. Like one poster said: "nasty stuff". Yes, it is. Are you contact with your ex at all? NC really helped me as well as long walks and having supportive friends who let me cry and cry.

[wicked6018]

i am in NC with him. it's like he just dropped off the face of the earth, but told me he "still wants to text/hang out from time to time." i will not do that. that's not fair to me. that is like he just wants to keep me around in case. i also am having panic attacks, i guess you could say. my heart just pounds and pounds all the time, like i am really nervous about something, and i just shake. i am completely miserable. i cannot even get out of bed to move. it's even hard to type. wish i was dead.

[Zuri]

Do NOT give in to him regarding "hanging out". HECK NO! See how you're feeling? It will last LONGER if you have contact with him. Some people compare what you're going through as withdrawal. And during this time seeing an ex or having any contact from them is like a hit. And it will set you back. Please stick to your guns. You are in no position to be his "buddy" if you truly want to get passed the feeling of despair and hopelessness.

[wicked6018]

i definitely will not hang out with him. he just made it harder when he broke up with me/broke the engagement off, because he promised me that when he's out of the coast guard he's going to come back and find me, like we can just pick up where we left off and be fine! what is that?! if he just broke up with me, why should i believe any of that? he is putting me through insurmountable pain and i just don't believe that! and if that was true, why would he have dumped me in the first place?!