confused need some help

[bluey]

hi so i have a girlfriend and we will be gettin to the stage where we are going to be doing stuff soon but i need some help setting a few things straight that i'm confused about.

 

so first whats the deal with women and orgasms and cumming. do they not always have an orgasms and cum when they are fingered. and how should i do it like slow, fast, gentle. do i just put my finger in or what?

 

any help would be great on this. i mean like some techniques so it would be great for her. i want it to be nice for her because her last b/f was quite rough with her. and does it hurt her sometimes?

 

ok and now what about sex does it hurt a woman first time? does she always orgasm when having sex and if it does hurt her is there anyway to stop it hurting and make it really nice because it will be the first for both of us and i want it to be perfect.

 

and how do i go down on a girl? and is there anyway i can reassure her and make her less nervous becuase i want her to be relaxed and i don't want to hurt her.

 

thanks a load

[PAdreamer]

I think you're very smart to be asking this many questions. A lot of people are embarrassed to ask and end up regretting it in the end. I'll caution you now and say that you've very young, so try and make wise decisions, okay?

 

There are a lot of resources you can use to get more specific information on how the female sexual organs actually work, but I think I can answer most of your questions.

 

Women do not always orgasm and/or cum. In fact at least 75% of women can not reach an orgasm from intercourse alone. Foreplay is key for both stimulation and lubrication. The best way to help your girl reach an orgasm is to stimulate her clitoris. It's very sensitive and can be easily stimulated by a number of methods without penetration. But still, it may take a while for her to climax if she climaxes at all. If she doesn't, don't get discouraged. Every woman is different and it may just take longer for her. Also, if this is your first time together you're probably both going to be a little tense and nervous which can effect it. The more experience you get the easier it should become for both of you.

 

In regards to actual intercourse, the level of pain or even whether or not she experiences any pain or discomfort differs from woman to woman. The best way to insure her comfort is to take your time, move slowly, and make sure you're communicating with each other. Don't be embarrassed to talk the first few times until you get a feel for what she likes. She will appreciate the gesture because it shows her how much you care about her.

 

Performing oral sex on a woman is fairly simple. All you're really doing is using your mouth to stimulate her clitoris. Make sure to let her know that you want her to tell you what she wants you to do in detail, and most likely she'll be able to instruct you fairly accurately. One mistake that a lot of guys make their first few times is that they only use the tip of their tongue. Try using your whole tongue to cover most of the area, and also employ your lips. Try some different techniques to see what works for her.

 

The number one thing to remember in a sexual relationship is communication. You HAVE TO TALK! Ask her what she likes, tell her what you like. If you're not sure what you like, talk about different things you might like to try. Go easy until you get a good feel for things so that there is no pain or discomfort. Just be sensitive to each other's needs and you should be okay.

 

Be safe, and good luck!

[Anti-Average]

As you can tell by my own post I'm a bit new to any of this myself, but seriously the best thing you can do is just talk to her about it, ask her what feels best and just go from there. But try to make the moment about her not about "her", I've ruined the mood a few times by asking "how's that? here? there? riiiiight?". Hope it works out for ya man

[sweetpea4670]

Okay, bluey, let's start with the basics. Your girlfriend's clitoris is like the head of your penis (the clit is located between her labia lips and it becomes engorged with blood when aroused - can't miss it This is what's going to make her orgasm. A female orgasm is triggered through clitoral stimulation (the majority of the time) but can also be triggered through a g-spot orgasm, but that's a little of topic, so we'll get back to the clit.

 

Now, every girl is different, so some like their clit to stimulated softly and some like it a bit rougher (not so much that you hurt her). This is something you can communicate with her about while you are stimulating her. Let her tell you how she likes it. A really important thing to remember is that she needs to aroused and "wet" (well lubricated) down there before you finger her, so that it doesn't hurt and cause friction. Start slowly and take your time before getting to her clit. When you get there, use one finger and rub it gently until it gets large. Use more fingers and stroke the rest of her vagina. If she's responding to this, try using a finger or two inside of her.

 

When a female orgasms, she rarely "cums" like you cum. Watch for signals like her breathing changing, moaning, and she'll tell you to keep doing what it is that you're doing. When she comes, there might be a tiny amount of fluid release. These things are what will tell you if she's orgasmed. Not all women can orgasm easily, and so the first few times you finger her, she might not even orgasm because you're both exploring and learning about each other, so don't get discouraged. Just because she doesn't orgasm, it doesn't mean that it doesn't feel good.

 

Sex for the first time varies for different women as well. Many times, it can hurt a bit as her hymen is stretched open, so go slowly and do it in the missionary position. Many times, you might not even be able to insert your penis. This can be helped by fingering her gently a few weeks before sex to stretch out her hymen slowly.

 

She will most likely not orgasm the first time you have sex; simply because it is a learning experience, and you have to learn how to stimulate her with your penis. However, many times, women will orgasm, but don't count on it. If it hurts her, try different positions, and go slowly. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work; often times, people have very high expectations of their "first time" and the first time rarely lives up to these expectations. It will NOT be "perfect" so please don't expect it to be. Sex will get better with practice.

 

Give her oral sex only when you're both very comfortable around each other; it will be hard for her to cum if she's very nervous. Tell her how much you love her and how wonderful she is and how badly you want her to cum for you. I could give you a lot of tips on oral sex, but this website might do a better job:

link removed

 

I hope that you are in a loving relationship, and you are both ready to do this, because sex is only meaningful when you're in a strong relationship, so don't expect it to change a bad relationship into a good one or a stronger one. It could only make it worse. And if you do choose to have sex, stay safe and use protection!

[s4t4n]

wow there's some seriously clued-in women on this forum. Yeh mostly what they said, only thing i'll add is what age is your girlfriend? If she is young she may not have developed far enough into puberty to have an orgasm at all. Puberty can begin any age between around 9 and 16 and not finish until mid 20s sometimes. If she is young and not so developed, you may spend hours on her clit and have the best technique but nothing will happen cos her body is not ready yet (even though she may be able to have intercourse).

 

In any case don't get hung up about whether she has an orgasm or not. Your world won't fall apart if she doesn't have an orgasm. Just take your time.

 

and how do i go down on a girl? and is there anyway i can reassure her and make her less nervous becuase i want her to be relaxed and i don't want to hurt her. thanks a load

 

for oral sex technique read this link removed

However take it real slow. It seems you reckon she will be nervous about this, so be gentle, don't try to force her into anything. If she doesn't want to do something, don't do it.

 

sweetpea this site is down...

link removed

[JonnyG]

Its good that u are asking these questions first before rushing into things bluey.

 

I think though that perhaps it would be best if u slow down a bit. Not trying to offend u but with so many questions it sounds like your in real need of some education when it comes to sex That and your still only 15 are reasons to just wait a bit longer.

 

With all those questions I think it would be best to just browse websites for all the information. Some1 could write a post that lasts forever explaining stuff about fingering, oral, penetration, positions, clitorus, orgasms, ejaculations etc etc.

 

Luckily some people above have already put down some useful sites