Marriage, biological clock.. backing off... anxiety!

[Trishie1607306433]

Hi. My bf and I have been going out for about a year. Since the winter, my BF has really wanted to talk about moving in together. Although we've only been together a year we are older (32 and 33) settled in our careers and also we knew each other as friends for years before we dated, so the timeline is not as rushed as it may appear upon first reading.

 

In the spring, we did talk about moving in together and I told him that I didnt want to move in unless we had a 'ring and a date'. I lived with someone for a few years and really dont want to do it again - it led to such disaster.

 

Up until a few months ago, my BF was very eager to make some kind of timeline (engaged within the next 12 months, married a year after that) but now he is backing off - he told me a few weeks ago that he is not sure he would be ready to propose within a year.. or marry within two. I've been there before - have been in 2 serious relationships, 4 years each, which pretty much ate up all of my prime childbearing years.

 

This delay just puts me right into the "freaking out about getting older" zone. I'm getting worried about my age - In two years I'll be 34-35 and he'll be 35-36. and there are definite risks for having kids (we both want kids) after age 35. I wouldnt mind waiting according to his schedule if this biological fact wasn't staring me right in the face. My bf doesnt seem to let this bother him because he has a friend who had her first child at age 40 - he doesnt seem to understand how risky and how rare this is!!!!

 

How do I deal with this? How can I get him to understand that I"m not trying to "trap" him but give our yet unborn kids the best chance in life they can get by not delaying their conception and birth? How do I deal with my own anxiety about being in this situation before, and not having the patience this time around because of my advancing age?

[Trishie1607306433]

well.. 7 months later and we're shopping for rings! how things change.. but I can't change the fact that I'm 33 now...

 

Trishie