Statement of Purpose Round 2

[Moontiger]

I want to thank everyone who responded to my last thread about this. Its a lot easier for me to share my work on an anonymous forum like this then to have someone I know look it over (deep issues here I won't get into

 

I have re-written it and was hoping some kind souls here would give me more feedback. Again, some info has to edited out

 

They asked: Please enclose a one-page statement explaining why you have chosen to apply to the Master of Science in Education Program as a Non-Matriculated student, and how participation in the program might aid you in reaching your goals.

 

My answer:

 

 

Going to college was something I was sure was impossible for me. High school was a nightmare for me in terms of academia. By my senior year I did not know what the future held for me (as many of my classmates did). Six years later, I found myself in just as distressing a position, but with far more hope. I faced that struggle nearly all college graduates in their twenties face: What to do with my life after graduation. This essay will explain how I came to a decision, why I have chosen (University and name of degree) degree and why I have chosen to apply as a non-matriculated student.

 

How did I choose the path of higher education administration? At (first college I attended) I became involved with several campus programs and activities, which I enjoyed immensely. These included leadership positions where I was able to interact both with the student body as well as with staff and faculty members on various projects. After (first college) I attended (second college) where my career path became clear to me. By taking a job assessment and doing several informational interviews with staff members on campus I knew higher education was where I wanted to be.

 

I graduated and began looking for a job, internship, anything that would get me experience. At the same time was looking into graduate programs. During this time my sister contacted me. She was in a tough spot and needed help. I packed up and moved to Chicago to support her. I became her live-in nanny, I found a volunteer job at a museum, but other opportunities proved elusive. My research into graduate programs continued. (Name of University) seized my attention immediately due to its reputation for academic excellence, location, and what I have learned about the (name of degree) program from alumni.

 

I had a conundrum on my hands, how to continue in my responsibility to my sister, my volunteer work, and take classes? Moreover, I have yet to narrow down which area of higher education I want to pursue (I am currently interested in admissions, fundraising development, and disability services). Being a non-matriculated student solves all of these problems. Let me explain further.

 

Taking classes part time would work with my schedule and responsibilities. As a nanny to a small child throughout the week, my schedule has little flexibility. Non-matriculated students can be much more flexible with their academic schedule than fully enrolled students, this is ideal for my situation. However, the chief advantage to being a non-matriculated student lies in the fact that I will be able to narrow down my field of interest before committing fully to the program. Why fully enroll in a graduate program before you know exactly what you want to study? There is no good reason to do so. My plan is to begin by taking the proseminar in higher education class. This will provide me with a broad overview of higher education administration and current issues within the field. From there I will find the area that truly interests me more than any other.

 

In conclusion, my drive for education, my current duty to family, Northwestern University’s reputation and location, and the ideal fit to my schedule are the reasons I have chosen to enroll as a non-matriculated student for the Master’s in Higher Education Administration and Policy degree. It will give firm footing with my future education and career. This is the path and the program for me.

[ur02111222]

I think it's good and gets the clearly gets the reasons accross as to why this program is ideal for you.

 

Just a note, but you forgot to edit out the university in the final paragraph.

[orchidrose]

Sorry, OP, this SOP needs a significant amount of work. But I'm here to help!

 

First of all, I think your writing style here is a bit conversational and informal. You ask a lot of rhetorical questions, i.e. "how to continue in my responsibility...?" and "how did I choose the path...?" and you use informal phrases like "Let me explain further." These are inappropriate for a statement of purpose, which is a formal academic document.

 

I also think that there is a LOT of filler here that can be cut. You do not need to repeat the questions posed by the university in your SOP.

 

Finally, I think there is a lot of personal information here that is inappropriate for an SOP. The university does not need to know that your sister needed help and that you are nannying for her. They do not need to know that you cannot find a job. These can be viewed as negative by an admissions committee.

 

If you would like any more suggestions or need more help, please feel free to PM me!