Birthday gift concerns...

[roxy79]

Quick recap: Found the man of my dreams in October, didn't know it until January when he swept me off my feet. Great relationship, became very comfortable and close with one another, each other's family and friends instantly. (I was his first relationship since his exfiance broke off their wedding 5 years ago...told me I was the only girl he as EVER wanted to spend this much time with, even compared to his exfiance).

 

He asked for space in June. I gave it. Finally, middle July, he said he didn't want "this" anymore. I was upset, but we ended it on very very good terms (laughing, giggling, hugging, and kissing etc.).

 

We went out on a "date" two weeks later for his bday because I had already bought him a gift that I really wanted him to have. The gift: a signed concert poster of his fav band with 4 tickets (one for me, for him, and 2 for whoever he wanted to bring) to an upcoming show in Sept (on my bday). I told him that if he didn't want to committ to something that far in advance, he didn't have to. But they were his tickets until he said otherwise. (I didn't "give" him the tickets...just told him about them) . He said OK.

 

After that night I started NC. Which I've been doing for 2 weeks and 4 days.

My question: At what point do I assume that he doesn't want to go to the concert? Do I call him to see if he still wants to go? Granted I have OVER a month until the show...I'm just planning ahead.

What do you think?

 

ps: I'm just really hoping this NC thing works between us. I really believe he and I were a match....I think he just got scared. opinions?

[June4life]

Well I think it is a good thing that he asked for some space and you gave it willingly. In my opinion, I think he is just scared of getting hurt again. Maybe he felt the same way for his exfiance, as he does for you. And then she broke it off with him and he is afraid that will happen again.

 

As for the concert tickets, I would give him a call in the next week or so and just casually say, "Hey, I still have those concert tickets if you're interested in going."

 

I hope things work out!

[DragonGirl724]

girl i went thru exact same thing. the fear of commitment when things get serious.

 

my opinion: let it go for now as the date gets closer bout 2 weeks from now maybe even 3 see if hes still goin he may contact u prior but id wait it out as much as that sucks. but u got to do it. have a back up plan to sell or give the tickets to someone else & let them know the circumstances. goodluck!

 

ps: what band is it? & where are they playin?

 

-DG724

[roxy79]

But I don't want to look like a "weak" little girl by calling him to see if he still plans to go. Don't you think, if someone had bought you pretty decent concert tickets, that you would contact them in someway just so they knew you ARE still interested in going.

Thinking in those terms makes me want to say"screw it." if he doesn't call at least 2 weeks before, I'm taking 3 other friends and he ain't one of them. But then again, since I so truly believe he is the "one" I still want to give him his space. Maybe he's sitting at home thinking about our entire relationship and if I call, too soon, I'll have invaded on his space and maybe push him away further? It's so hard to figure out what's going on. I want to be considerate of him and his space etc, but when is he going to be considerate of me and my "space"? Cause obviously I'm going to have to make other arrangments if he chooses not to go. Right?

[nesthead]

I would give it another week and if he doesn't get in contact with you, invite three of your friends to go. If he gets in touch with you after that, tell him that you had to make other arrangements because you haven't heard from him. (In a nice way, of course.)

 

Common curtosy has nothing to do with being an ex or not. He should let you know right away if he has plans to use the tickets. If not, they're all yours.

[roxy79]

But since the concert isn't until Sept. 17th, do you think I'm jumping the gun here? Of course this is the only thing on my mind because the door was left open between us regarding the concert. But I guess I'd just like to know if he plans on going or not. ya know? I can just seem him saying "....it's not for another month..."

[DragonGirl724]

dont make the mistake i did. i asked my ex a month in advantce to go to a concert w/ me as well. i was goin w/ a bunch of my buds. he said i dont make plans that far in advance i dont know & had a million other reasons not to go. so i dropped it. & after the concert he asked me how it was & i went on & on bout how much fun it was & i said 'u shoulda went we had a blassssst!' he said 'im glad u had a great time wat did u do etc etc.'.. & u have to relize....maybe not all exs are the same but mine had little to no courtesy for me. i been askin him for my comic books i left at his house since MAY & I STILL DONT HAVE THEM!! i told him saturday after i gave him his bday gift 'find my comic books.' he said 'they are in my room sumwhere. ill find them'..uh-huh! right. well then go find them i said ur room isnt that big! that was pretty much it. & wen they want space they are not thinkin about anyone but themselves. my ex told me as he broke up w/ me 'all iw ant to do is worry about myself, i had 2 gfs before u stretchin for the past 7yrs of my life all i want to do is worry about me now.' guess he wasnt kidding huh.all im sayin is dont expect common courtesy tho it SHOULD be expected...i found the less u expect the less youre let down.

 

 

-DG724

[sbrew21]

I would not call him and go with your friends. You have to be strong and put yourself first and not worry about him. Guys always come back, you just have to not give a damn and then the eat out of the palms of your hands. I would totally do the no contact thing and if he does call I would say you already made other arrangements, and you don't even have to be nice about it either. Be independent and put yourself first.

[roxy79]

But....they were part of his birthday gift. I don't want to become one of those "jerky" exgirlfriends because I value his friendship. Maybe he's just going through something that I can't understand. I think giving him another week or so, which will be a month of NC is okay. If he doesn't call by then, I"ll assume he didn't want to go and will take others. I don't want to be "mean" because I never have been before, why start now?

[sbrew21]

Its not about being a jerky ex girlfriend. Its about having self respect for yourself. I know it definitely hurts because you went out of your way to do something nice but if he doesn't appreciate it why are going to drop everything for some guy who doesn't even call and if you are such good friends why hasn't he contacted you. You cannot seem needy and clingy. This is more about a gift. And so what, you don't go with him to the concert. I would make plans with your friends starting today and forget about him. He will call, and just for all intent and purposes he doens't call, the only time you are allowed to call him is when you are completely over him and dating someone else. Otherwise you got to be strong.

[DragonGirl724]

if i were u id do exactly wat i previously posted. ur like me a gentle heart always caring about the next person whether its ur ex or someone else. thats my nature too. cant go against that, be you, be the caring you, jus have a back up plan, simply say hey 'are u gonna go or not?' if he says no then jus say the truth. 'ok whatever b/c my buddies want to go with me. bye.'

 

id be stern but not mean.

 

-DG724