What do women mean by shy?

[ck]

Ok to make a long story short I go to college and I am..I wouldn't say buddies but associates with this one girl. The poblem is everytime I'm in the vicinity of a conversation she is having I can hear her telling everybody that I am shy. I guess because I don't talk to her that much, but I'm just the kind of guy who doesn't like to go out of my way to talk to people. I do when i have to and I make small talk and have a considerable amount of friends who I can stand. I just don't have the motivation or need to ogle every girl I see or coax them into a conversation which usually happens when I do try.

 

In other words I say the hell with it. I guess most females don't understand because they are used to having guys hanging all over them and acting clingy. So to anybody (preferably a female) is that seen as being shy?

 

She stares at me I stare at her and keep things moving.

[goddess23]

lol, you sound alot like my bf. but he is really shy, i mean everything makes him turn RED, and he always says how hes STILL shy around me (this is after 8 months lol). so yes i would say that most girls would take this as shy, but it sounds more like "i really dont care" lol. my bf is both, but you seem to be just the i really dont care one. but about your question, yes most people would take this as shy.

[sisterlynch]

I really think that you could catch her alone some time and see if you can ask her nicely to stop doing that. It is kind of rude to talk about people where that person can hear them talking, isn't it?

 

Say it as gently as you possibly can. And yes, I think that it is ok to say that you are shy occasionally, especially when others are around and they keep ignoring you! Are you invisible??

 

You need to do so very carefully, because she is trying to make you angry I think and if you can do this without anger it is going to work.

 

Good Luck!!

[S4il]

Some people are just Un-social, Sometimes it's because they lack in being able to find a source to gain confidence, like talking to Women is a Big one for Men, being able to strike up a conversation, and maintain it with the opposite sex.

 

No i'm not saying your a Sap, was just using that as an example, But there is nothing wrong with that, and plus the fact iv 'e heard that a women sometimes likes a guy who is shy in the beginning, sort of has a hidden side, making them selves a challenging person, even thow they don't mean it, to the girl it's that way...We all have heard the saying "women like a challenge."

 

So my advice to you would be what Sister gave, (good, straight to the point advice sister) If it does bother you, let her know alone, in private, that labeling you as being shy person in front of other people you don't even know doesn't make things better, and is sort of putting you in a place of mind for those "other" people, that could be ruining your chances for having new and better friends.

[doorik]

Man I thought your response to her would be something akin to

 

"Why are you telling everyone that I'm shy? Just because, what I don't go outta my way to speak to you? Listen I don't really care that much if I talk to you or not so do us both a favour and get over yourself - Dumbass"

[OceanEyes]

To be honest, I don't really think that she means to hurt you man. If she was saying something like, "that guy is a piece of trash", then I could understand your worrying. No, it's neither tactful or classy to speak about someone when they can obviously hear you, but at the same time, perhaps she's doing on purpose to coax you into opening up a bit.

 

I know from time to time I make comments to people I don't know very well and will joke around, but I guess it all depends on how she said it and to whom. Don't automatically assume that it's this big conspiracy against you, some people are just naturally more social. Usually when people are overly social and push themselves on other people (as this girl appears to be doing), she's probably not even genuinely liked among her own friends. People like this tend to be obnoxious and offend others all the time.

 

I agree with SisterLynch. Being rude (as the above poster suggested, lol), will only cause tension and aggravation, especially if you're not 'in' with the other people there. It's ridiculous how immature some people can be. If you see her walking down the hall alone, casually mention that it's not fair for her to make comments or assumptions without knowing you. Remember, saying "he's shy" is really not that bad.

[Caldus]

Yeah I really hate people who push on other people like that. I have a friend who does that to me all the time and I know he's doing it because I'm just not a social person. He will say all kinds of stuff about me in front of my other friend (yes I only have like three friends). He will say that I need to live life a little, yadda yadda. I've been ignoring him lately and just can't stand being around him anymore as he is constantly trying to change me. Not saying that ignoring her would be the best solution for you. Quite the opposite in this situation. I think you should just have a small talk with her privately about that and see how that goes.

[ck]

@doorik

 

I have t bite my tongue at times because I haven't told yall this initialy but I also work with her, so I would tell her what is she staring at but I want to make a few bucks before I leave that trash compactor of a job anyway.

[doorik]

@CK

 

LOL, i know you probably thought it tho.

 

@angeleyes

 

I'm sure most guys here will back me up when i say that when a girl says he is shy it means he is undateable

[Caldus]

@CK

 

LOL, i know you probably thought it tho.

 

@angeleyes

 

I'm sure most guys here will back me up when i say that when a girl says he is shy it means he is undateable

 

I can agree with that.

[OceanEyes]

I'm sure most guys here will back me up when i say that when a girl says he is shy it means he is undateable.

 

Perhaps your assumptions are getting the better of you. Younger women will tend to date guys who are louder and more extroverted, but trust me on this one - that gets old fast - because loud and pretentious people (being male or female) tend to go on and on only about themselves. This is what I've noticed anyhow. Being outgoing and confident is one thing, but some people don't know when to shut up and focus on someone else for a change.

 

I have a friend who does that to me all the time and I know he's doing it because I'm just not a social person. He will say all kinds of stuff about me in front of my other friend (yes I only have like three friends). He will say that I need to live life a little, yadda yadda. I've been ignoring him lately and just can't stand being around him anymore as he is constantly trying to change me.

 

You probably are a social person, but I doubt that I would feel comfortable speaking up around a guy like this. I'm sure that even if you did try to interact more that he would still find 100 faults in you. What you just said reminds me of a guy who used to be my roommate. He would constantly cut down people around him, for whatever reason it was. As you'll learn, some people have absolutely no self-awareness and take no consideration of how what they say affects others. If you confronted him about it, he would probably say something like, "c'mon I'm just kidding around with you". It's difficult to think jokes are funny when they're ALWAYS at your expense isn't it?

 

I've noticed that a lot of people put too much effort into unwelcomly analyzing the behaviour and appearance of others, instead of just minding their own damn business and worrying about their own lives. It's sad because for people who are comfortable in just being themselves, not feeling a need to 'be part of a group', they tend to be labelled as "shy" or "antisocial".

[ck]

This is what I've noticed anyhow. Being outgoing and confident is one thing, but some people don't know when to shut up and focus on someone else for a change.

 

The problem is when women think just because a person doesn't want to talk to them he is not confident in himself, but if he comes on too much he is arrogant, not that I care anymore really because it seems like somebody always has something to say about you to make themselves look better.

[Caldus]

I think people try to belittle other people because either:

 

1. They have a problem with respecting people.

2. They are insecure with themselves.

 

Simple as that.