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sole mate


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I used to cry. Can’t really say if it is my predisposition or karma or what, but the fact is that what had always needed some changing in my life was the way I dealt with intimate relationships. Oh, you too? Yeah, I know this is pretty much everyone’s problem.


For eons people have been trying to find a formula that will bring them their soul mate, that person who will provide them with eternal happiness, joy and sexual pleasures. I know you will expect me to say that this is just another one of those delusional myths. There is no such thing as a soul mate, right? Well, right and wrong. Sorry, I am in the mood for paradoxical Zen koans.


You see, my personal experience led me to conclude that the soul mate is not actually a person–it is a projection. Confused? Let me explain. When you go to the movies, you know the images on the screen are projections from a camera hidden somewhere in the back. I mean, unless you are that woman in Woody Allen’s Purple Rose of Cairo, chances are no one is going to walk off the screen and into your life.


Furthermore, the movie is just a story. You are the one who colors it and makes it real with your own feelings and interpretations. In fact, the person sitting next to you will see it in a completely different way. This is obvious, isn’t it? Well, I have come to understand my life, relationships included, in the same way. Facts are projected on the outside, right in front of my very eyes, but the way I see them really depends on my inner content.


And facts can be interpreted in as many ways as there are people witnessing them. Now isn’t it funny how we know that movies on a screen are not real but take our own projections as reality in life? Don’t believe me? Check it out.


Think about all the times you wanted to change something in your life and manipulated your external surroundings to do it. Did it work? I mean, really work? Probably not. Just think of the several occasions when you complained about aspects in your former partner, for example, only to find the same old faults in the next person.


Now have you seen what happens when, instead of changing the outside you leave the situation alone and change you inner patterns, your inner beliefs? Just try it. I did. And what I saw was that the inner change was carried out onto the external world. By changing on the inside, my outer surroundings changed too.


This means that our life circumstances are really our choice. Isn’t that wonderful? With a little bit of inner work, you can turn that horror flick into one of those romantic comedies where everything turns out alright in the end. I know I did.


Indeed, what I have found to be true is that by facing and owning my inner masculine and feminine images I was able to improve my relationships with other people as well as with myself.


But was it easy to overcome the usual tendency to blame or place responsibility on others for my projected faults? Of course not. It was only after many years of struggle that I was able to see I really no choice if I was ever going to live a happier life.


Furthermore, I had to learn as I went along. It was sort of like putting together the pieces of a puzzle without ever having seen the entire thing. Hard at first, but it gets easier as you go along and start seeing the bigger picture.


And as I looked at my patterns and felt them through, they turned out to be meaningless and literally disappeared. In other words, by objectively examining my actions and thoughts I was able to mature towards a more productive existence. Much like a child that eventually outgrows their childhood toys in time, I simply got bored with the old stories.


Everybody wants a soul mate, but no one is thinking they themselves are the hindrance. Try to work through your patterns, and chances are you will find that person before you even know it. And my advice is good for other aspects of life as well. You can use it to improve your relationship with your boss, your financial situation or your own grumpy personality, just to name a few.


All the best and Good Luck!!

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