Desperate- Sunk so low as to Look for other men to fill the pain in my heart

[BabyO]

It has been 12 days since out break up, and I still can't believe that he just let this all go.

 

I am still so hurt, and as hurt as I was on day one. How could I have thought he was my solemate and he just left like this way???

 

I am trying to do everything to pick myself up and realize it is over and move on. Normally I am not the girl who runs towards another man for comfort. But, for some reason I feel myself doing that now. Out of spite, I joined a dating site last night. So many men have emailed me telling me how beautiful I am, and how they want to get to know me. etc.l.... Now I feel guilty that I even took this route. What kind of a person am I to just run out and talks to other men so fast????? I can't believe the pain that he caused me and it leading me to not even act in my own character. What am I going to do????? He would flip if he knew I was going on a site so fast...etc...... He would probably say look I made the right decision to leave..etc....

[blackhawks1287]

It is a dating site...you didn't bone the first guy you met...You are OK.

 

A lot of women join a dating site right after a break up, and so do a lot of men. You are not alone (enotalone)

[hello678]

You havn't done anything wrong but let me tell you men on dating sites usually have issues. I may get flamed from this but all of my freinds who have used dating sites arn't all there....

 

Also right now you are just hurting alot and are doing anything to block it out. I'll tell you involving someone else won't fix this. You need to cope and get over the relationship and than deal with the prospect of another guys many many months down the track.

 

Trust me, this won't help.

[BabyO]

Really? I am glad to hear that I am not the only one to join a site to take away the pain.......

 

I am just so mad at myself for even looking toward another guy to help me get over this. I think of myself as pretty strong, and when my past relationships and even my marriage did not work out I knew it was for the best and moved on. I moved on with no help from another, just me strength.....But, with this ex, I knew he was everything that I have been looking for. I took many years to boost my self esteem and to look for only a man who would treat me right.... He met 95% of all my needs, desires and wants etc.. How do I just walk away from that????? How do I convience myself that this is for the best??????

[scarlett27]

i would agree i have dated men on dating sites they are mainly after one thing i am afraid the last one i met on there was bi polar , the one before had anger issues , teh one before a sex addict , try stay away i know its hard u want the comfort of someone else - but u need to heal first , jumping straight into bed with someone else will only make u feel worse trust me x

[corgidude]

I wouldn't say you've "sunk low" by doing this... You're hurting, and you were just looking for a way to ease your pain. It might not have been the right way to go about it, but you're being too harsh on yourself over this. It's much better than going out to the bars, getting drunk, and going home with some stranger, for certain.

 

That being said, you're obviously not in a place to be meeting and dating new people just yet, if that's how you're feeling. -And just to defend the 'online dating' thing, that's exactly how I met my ex, and we had an overall healthy happy relationship for quite a while. I'll spare the details as to why we broke up, but both of us were pretty well-adjusted individuals. (at least I like to think so! Depending on the site, yes, there are a lot more weirdos to have to sort through to get to the few good guys that are out there, but it's not a horrible way to meet people. The reason I joined was because I didn't have any social outlets that really allowed me to meet other people around my age for dating, not because of any mental issues or otherwise.

 

You're hurting, and we don't always make the most rational decisions when we're in pain. But don't beat yourself up, you've obviously figured out this isn't what you're ready for, and you really haven't done anything wrong. As far as your ex is concerned, he chose to leave you and break your heart, so what you do with your life is no longer any of his business. Step back from the dating site for a while, since you're not quite ready for that, and focus on finding your own comfort and happiness.

[BabyO]

I wish I could say that we had issues......but we did not. We got along soooooooooooo well. We had the same goals, values etc.......I don't understand why this happened. I mean we could have at least dicussed it. Like he could have said I am really upset here with the distance and it causeing me to become emotinally distance from you. But, besides the few times were we both said how we hate being apart. However, he chose to keep it all inside until the day he said goodbye. And the only reason he could give me why he left was that his feelings were hard to discribe but it was best to end this. How does that give me any CLOSURE???????? I NEVER NEVER once got the impression from him that he wanted OUT! So, now I think that it must be something that I did or did not do. Why else would someone just split without any arguments or ways to fix the situation???

 

PS... we met on line and he was one of the "few" who was the great guy.....