Marriage Over

[Rangoo]

I have been married a long time, kids are in high school and my wife and I don't have any kind of relationship. I sleep in my own bedroom and have not had a visitor in a long while, if you know what I mean .

 

My question is, are my kids old enough to handle me leaving. I have stayed for years because of my love for them. But know they are starting to live their own lives and in just a short time 3 years, my wife and I will be alone. Should I stay for the next three years and move, or should I bite the bullet and leave now.

 

We tried talking to a therapist a few years ago, but my wife stopped because she felt it wasnt going anywhere, meaning she didnt like the direction it was going. Very controlling. I suggested it recently and she stated she would go, but only because if we broke up, she didnt want everyone to know that she didnt try....great reasoning.

 

Last question is should I move out of the house if I decide to leave or force the sale of the house. I have heard that I would lose a lot of leverage if I left.... Thanks

[Francis]

It is difficult to know whether leaving or staying is the best for the kids, when a marriage is not functional anymore.

 

In any event, if you choose to leave, you should explain the situation to your kids. When my dad left, I went in a shock for many years and I did not understand what happened. On the other hand, my other siblings accepted the whole thing in a very balanced way. Only very recently we realized that the reason why I had such a shock, is because I was not aware of my dad's feelings, while my other siblings knew his intentions very well : I had been away to college for a while and had no idea that things had deteriorated between my parents.

 

Another thing I can tell you, is that you may only realize that you love your wife, and she may only realize that she loves you, if you separate. Even my dad who is really great person, he left my mom because my mom is a drama queen and a princess, even him wanted to get back with my mom. I am sure you will be longing to come back after some time. thereforeeee, you should think about this carefully when you plan your future finances.

 

I hope this helped. Take care!

[american dream]

Hi Rangoo,

Well it is cool that you have stayed around for your kids. My dad didn't and I didn't get to know him for about 8 years. If you are going to leave, they should be old enough now to understand, and I am sure they have noticed the situation already. The only advice I would give you is to maybe not sell the house right away. Try a trial seperation for a while. It sounds like you have stuck it out a lot for your kids and selling the house would force them to move and throw their lives into upheaval. If you are going to go (and I am not saying its a bad idea) make things as stable as you can for them. If you need to sell the house later for financial reasons, thats cool, but give the kids a little time to adjust if possible.

 

Hope everything turns the corner for you Rangoo!