6 weeks gone and I think I've made progress...

[rkw]

Yesterday was 6 weeks since the breakup, and I'm pretty proud of myself.

 

I've been on another forum for a few years which has a "long-time members" section. I was re-reading some of my old posts regarding my ex, and it looks like I was having the same problems with him a couple of years ago, but my mind just magically forgot about them. I was complaining about his lack of empathy and selfishness back then, but I kept forgiving him. For example, one week I was really struggling with money and at the same time, he bought a PS3 and a new TV. Yet he wanted me to pay for our night out since he had paid the last time. When I told him I couldn't afford it, he was mad with me. He had a lot of good points, and I kept clinging on to them rather than making a decision.

 

My friend asked me last night if I felt I'd made the right decision. After reading all of those sad posts from the past today, it's a big yes. As hard as it was, it's unlikely that I was ever going to be a priority to him. It seemed to get worse over the years too, so I'm grateful I'm out now rather than next year, or if we were married or had kids etc. Or when he finally realised what he wanted from life, and that a life with me wasn't it.

 

I think I'm finally getting some proper perspective and clarity on this breakup. Rather than cooling off and wanting him back as I expected, I'm becoming more convinced that I definitely deserve way better. I'm certainly not out of the woods yet (I still think of him everyday and part of me is still in love with him), but I suppose this is some progression right?

[lozzy1980]

sounds like very good progress. i was the dumpee in my 6 yr relationship and it has been 4 months post BU now, and of course i still think of my ex every single day.... too many memories to just wipe them out. BUT... i do think of him for less and less time.

 

just because we think of them still every day does not mean we have made no progress. i am now moving on and certainly dont want my ex back ... partly because of his controlling selfish ways, and mainly because i could never trust him again after what he did. but still doesnt stop me occasionally missing him, and think of him at least a few times each day.

[LaceWing]

It sounds as if you've made a lot of progression and are being honest with yourself, both about your perspective on the relationship and how things were going, and the fact you still feel strongly about him but that your mind is no longer swayed towards wanting him back, but now acknowledging you deserve better.

[rkw]

It's good to hear that this is actually progress. Hopefully I'll be like you Lozzy, and thinking of him will decrease with time. Immediately after BU, I was thinking of him probably 100% of the time. Now I still have a quite a few thoughts and memories pop into my head everyday, but it's not all day every day like it was for a while.

 

Yesterday I was a bit put out because my brother went out fishing with him. I wish I could cut him out of my life completely, but my brother's 19 and I have no control over what he does. My brother always considered my ex his brother, so I suppose it's hard for him too.

 

It's soooo good to know I'm moving forward though, even if it's just the little things. Thank you Lozzy and Lacewing.