I love my boyfriend but I can't be with him?

[hippychick11]

I had been talking to a guy I met online on a gaming site for 3 years and we finally met for the first time this year. Everything was perfect, we were instantly drawn to each other and ended up spending 2 weeks together, day and night. We went site seeing, going to restaurants and long walks, watching tv and just hanging out and being ourselves, It was amazing.

 

Now I'm back at home (I live in Australia, he lives in America) and I desperately want to see him again, I'm not coping with the distance.

 

I've talked to him about it and I even said that I was thinking of moving to his country. He tells me that he would like that but that I wouldn't cope with the weather there, that it gets painfully cold etc.

 

He did say that I'm the one he wants to be with and hes never felt this way about anyone.

I just feel like I'm doing all the work with making enquiries about living there and making a date to come back.

 

I don't know what to do because it's making me really unhappy now that i know im in love with him but I can't be with him.

 

We still talk online every night but I really want more, it's just not enough for me anymore.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated

[Stay_home]

That's a strain on any relationship; distance. If moving to America is what you really want to do? Research it, but don't just make your boyfriend the only reason for the move. Checkout jobs, cost of living, the whole thing and see if it's feasible.

[DylanNotorious]

I guess he's looking at it realistically. You have only met once in person, and even then you both would be on your best behavior around each other. It's a fantasy, it's not real, if you get what I mean.

 

To move countries is a huge risk especially since you do not know him that well yet. Talking online every night does not count.

[hippychick11]

I wouldn't be moving there just to be with him. I really loved it there and I have been looking at getting a job and my own apartment, the cost of libing is actually a lot cheaper there...I think i could be really happy, even on my own.

I dont get why this is a fantasy? we spent 2 weeks living together, how else will I get to know him if there is so much distance? I'm not criticizing what you're saying but I would just really like some advice.

Should I go there for another visit before I consider moving there?

[DylanNotorious]

Two weeks together does not produce a relationship where you move to America. And he also is not so keen as he has already stated that it would be "too cold" for you to come. Which is a lame excuse if you ask me.

[NANsense]

Where is he from in the USA?

I'm up north, in Massachusetts, and can vouch for our winters being less than desirable...but the southern part of our country doesn't have the icy & snowy winters that we do up here....if he wants to be with you too & you're willing to relocate here, maybe you could agree on a state that's climate would be a bit more livable for you?

I do agree with Dillan though....he doesn't seem to be showing the right interest

 

Has he indicated if he shares the same feelings as you--or what his relationship goals are?

 

It must have been hard to leave & not know when you'll see him again....try not to panic--I know this is easier said then done--but if it's meant to be you two will sort this out!

[hippychick11]

He has said that he would consider moving to another state with me but I feel like it's mainly just words. He also suggested that I could come with him for 2 weeks to a holiday home in a city he loves and would move to but then he says 'just kiddinggg' or something like that. I feel heartbroken when he does that because I would jump at the offer.

I have only just returned home so should I give this time, keep talking to him online? I don't want to be too much and put too much pressure on everything.

[NANsense]

I wouldn't be moving there just to be with him. I really loved it there and I have been looking at getting a job and my own apartment, the cost of libing is actually a lot cheaper there...I think i could be really happy, even on my own.

I dont get why this is a fantasy? we spent 2 weeks living together, how else will I get to know him if there is so much distance? I'm not criticizing what you're saying but I would just really like some advice.

Should I go there for another visit before I consider moving there?

 

IMO if you have been talking to him for three years on a regular basis then you know him pretty well.....my only concern is whether he is on the same page as you as far as rlshp goals?

 

How about planning a winter visit? You might as well come & see first hand what you'd be getting yourself into...january or february would give you a taste of the worst of it.

[DylanNotorious]

It's great and all, but has he actually ASKED you to move to America? You should kind of back off from the idea, because I think your going to get hurt if you push it with him.

[NANsense]

He has said that he would consider moving to another state with me but I feel like it's mainly just words. He also suggested that I could come with him for 2 weeks to a holiday home in a city he loves and would move to but then he says 'just kiddinggg' or something like that. I feel heartbroken when he does that because I would jump at the offer.

I have only just returned home so should I give this time, keep talking to him online? I don't want to be too much and put too much pressure on everything.

 

I think your emotions are probably all over the place right now....you had an awesome visit--probably much more so than you ever expected or hoped for....just try to be his friend again and not be too pushy or upset & try to feel out the situation--to see what he's thinking...

 

I think it's OK to tell him you miss him & that you'd like to come see him again....& see what he says abt that...

[Irial]

I think you should really take some time to figure things out with him FIRST. I mean, talk about how he feels about you possibly moving there and actually being in a relationship with him and stuff like that. I would not move there (not even if I thought I could be happy alone, if that was the only side to the story I'd find a closer place to go live on my own. Moving accross two places that are so distant is a lot of stress you'd have to go through ALONE. Too big a step if there is no other reason than wanting to go to a nicer place imo) unless he had shown serious interest in that possibility and actually started getting involved in the planning. From what you said it seems he's not even taking that possibility seriously and that is why you should be cautious with overplanning and whatnot. I have been where you are now, and it is normal for you to miss him badly. But missing him WILL feel less bad in time, and you will be able to figure things out without risking to make a bad decision on impulse. It is a bit too early to think about moving.

What I do recommend is that you try to plan another visit whenever possible. That would definitely help you cope with the distance (you have a date to look forward to) and it would show if he actually cares as much as he says he does (by coming up with ideas and such).