She's a really cool girl, whats my deal!?

[ugly-side]

Hey everyone,

 

I met this girl, facebook friend of a friend kinda deal. We start flirting in pm's and poking and all that silly stuff. When I found out she lived close I went for it, we met up in person finally and had some beers, great conversation, even a little 4-20 celebration at her place later

 

Really cool girl, no major hang-ups, confident, cute, kind of a smart-ass, works hard, educated, artistic, etc. etc. all that good stuff.

 

I kinda like this chick, obviously! But........

 

I start freaking out internally about letting my guard down and getting too close. I've done this more than twice.. I tend to pull away and communicate less, less flirty. Probably things that you ladies really hate about us!

 

I've only had one, really long relationship, and almost 3 years single. I just don't know if I can handle a relationship? I definitely can't handle another bad break-up and all that pain that comes with it.

 

I just don't know how to process everything in my head?](*,) I don't know what to do? I do know I can't keep doing this forever. Just wanted some outside advice before I ruin this one too!..

[ay0_x]

You've had one relationship, gone through one break up..

 

You will have a lot more relationships and go through a lot more breakups. And it will suck every time, and some times will suck more than others. I would usually say "Wait until youve healed" but 3 years is ample enough time. The truth is, not every relationship is meant to last forever.. your last one wasn't- this one might not be, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go for it. You can't let fear control all your actions.

 

Do you not want to eventually grow old with someone?

[Cadence44]

Ugly-side, no one wants to be hurt again. Loss is a part of life - people change, people leave, people get sick and pass away. You can avoid it and keep yourself emotionally isolated, but what kind of life is that?

 

Sometimes when you meet someone great, you have to silence your doubts, close your eyes and jump in. There is never going to be a perfect opportunity, but the girl you describe sounds great. I think you should go for it. Don't live your life out of fear. Be positive and think about the good things that can happen. And if they don't happen with this girl, you'll be sad but you WILL survive and then you'll move on again.

[ugly-side]

Sorry, I've been away...

 

Thanks for the advice, both really good points. Yes I do want to grow old with someone, and I am tired of isolating myself emotionally, y'all nailed it..

 

For some reason she's still all about it, quote "lets take it up a notch" lol.. She's cool like that. I used to think having my guard up was good for me, and I guess it was for a while, but now it feels like an excuse. I just got used to being.. well, alone I guess. I don't mean to sound sad, but it's true. I guess my hang-up is what I want, I all ready had, and what I had was really good until it got really bad. Of course no one wants to get hurt again, but my ex fiance was the person I trusted the most outside my own family. If I was that wrong and blind with her, why would it be different now with someone new? Sometimes I wish I could flip that over-analytical switch off in my brain!

 

I do have a date with her Sunday, so I'm kind of trying, and kinda feeling like I may be leading her on, which isn't cool, but it's not my intent. It's a strange little world out there, I still don't know what to do? I could cancel and tell her I'm freaked out, "it's not you it's me" thing. Pretty lame though..

 

Suggestions? Both of you say go for it huh? I hate being Pisces sometimes..

[MeetTheVirus]

You never know if your going to make the basketball into the net if you never try, if you miss your miss but would you want your whole life wondering "what if she was the one"

 

if you called and canceled on her like that she will take it that she did something wrong that is a classic excuse for "i'm not into you"

 

you will miss a lot of opportunities in life if you run from them.