I'd like some advice

[Shady2003]

Right..

 

Some of you are going to find this ridiculous..

I started to like this girl in the year 2000. She sat in front of me in one class and we flirted pretty often. I'd say eventually she started to like me, she asked me who I like etc and I was an extremely shy person, so I just stated no one.. but then she told me she had a crush on a guy who she loved etc. Anyways later in 2001 that guy pretty much so told her off the night before his prom ( he asked her), she was all upset.

 

So last year I'd say she still liked me very much. She always used to stare, flirt etc. But I mean like perv flirting to a point even. I'd say she really liked me, it's almost a definite feeling. Anyways I used to be very shy then, more than I am now and I barely reacted. I always liked her, but shyness is a huge problem of mine. So then she started to forget about me etc.

 

Recently I've found myself with a pretty big crush on her. What should i do? Im scared if i tell her i like her she'll think im crazy as last year she hinted enough.. but my shyness got in the way as i said. What should I do?

[paul475]

...I was in this place many years ago. Here's what I found out about me and what it could mean for you.

 

I had several early childhood experiences of abandonment and betrayal at the hands of my female caregivers and female peers.

 

Ipso facto, I was terrified of women. Never dated anyone until my last six months of high school. And I played Varsity basketball. It was there if I would only have asked. Lots of it.

 

But I figured I was just painfully shy. For some reason. And I hated that about me. I hated how I always snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

 

First, it helps to put the right labels on things. You're not shy and you're not simply afraid of this girl...you're terrified. You have a strong hormonal drive to connect, but your "gut" is telling you that this woman will simply grab you by your hormones, sling you around, and leave you high and dry.

Hence you are terrified. And conflicted. And confused.

 

I wish I knew THEN what I know NOW because this is what I'd do NOW.

 

Hit and run. Keep my feelings out of it. Make it purely mechanical. She wants to be a player, well, then play. And then leave me the h-e-double toothpicks alone.

 

But here's what could happen if you take this course of action without the kinds of purification experiences I've been through over the course of 20 years.

 

You will fall desperately and hopelessly in love with this man-eating female. She will own you. You will sacrifice vital parts of your anatomy and self esteem just to have access to sticks to throw at her titties.

 

Quit watching TV. Quit listening to commercial radio. These sources blast your subconscious with messages that tell you that you need to live your life according to this very wasteful and contrived model of reality. And guess what? Their model will leave you feeling hollow and wanting more and more. And spending more and more money to try to fill the empty space that seems to be getting deeper and deeper the harder you try to fill it. So turning off, or severely limiting your access, to TV and commercial radio will help to shunt some of these messages. They are toxic bullshit that will keep you playing victim for decades. Welcome to capitalism and consumerism.

 

Now graduate.

 

Trust your gut. It hasn't evolved to the stage of self doubt. If you can't keep your heart out of what is showing all the classic signs of a bump and run, then wait for that soft, gentle soul who stands quietly and shyly off in the corner of the dancefloor...or cafeteria. The one who's not bad looking, but no great prize, either. The one who seems to be having as much trouble with these hormones as you are. You are guaranteed at least a 15 minute conversation, perhaps a twirl or two, and your first lesson in how to be a friend to a woman.

 

When your hormones tug at you to do something and you feel anything LIKE turmoil going on inside of you, WALK THE OTHER WAY. Be grateful for this built-in wisdom, regardless of how you got it. It is the wisdom of the wolf.

[wonderwal]

Thanks.. but something maybe slightly more simple?

[paul475]

...trust your gut. The right person won't produce anything like these kinds of mixed signals.

 

First work on YOU, then there will be the possibility of healthy intimacy.

[sisterlynch]

I think you could ask her to the movies or something that you know she would like to do and just take it from there.