not meant for happiness

[under_the_pressure]

i love nathan, with all my heart. i want to be with him. but then again it'll be the same ****. it's so confusing. i don't know what i'm doing anymore. maybe i want to be depressed because there is a comfort in it, and obviously i'm not meant for happiness, no matter what anyone says. i wish my feelings for him would dissappear. *poof be gone* i know he cares about me, he really does. i care about him too...but i got ditched for wrestling, baseball, hockey...and he knew my feelings. he knew i was wrapped around his finger ((even if he won't admit it)) i was the one waiting by the phone all the time, not him. right now this hurts like hell but in the long run i won't have to be ditched, i want to pick up that phone so bad and call him but it's wrong, i can't. i will still want to be friends with him but i can't right now because everytime i hear his voice or see him it'll kill me. so i guess no contact for now. i don't want to be here. at all. but i must go on. my friend, crystal, she is like no other. i love her with all my heart. i can't leave her here alone and she can't leave me. i think we are going back to our 'old depressed selves again' but this time we're ready for them. because obviously we aren't meant for happiness...unless it's with one another. maybe we will sulk in depression together, wear too much eyeliner and crucify people together. and we will be 'cutters' together. maybe that's our plan for this life we live. if she sticks by me, i can pull through this with nathan.

 

under

 

 

sorry, it's just a vent...bare with me here.

[EmptySoul]

we're not the type that likes to place our lives in the hands of a man, lish. i'm starting to think no matter how great they may be, we can never be happy, no, content, with them. i don't know, if in the future we will keep choosing to be alone or be alone with a male by our side, but either way you still have me and i have you. we put ourselves through pain to find our demented version of joy, and i guess thats what makes our lives interesting. black fingernail polish, a never ending array of haircolors. weird clothes, distorted views. we'll never fit into the mainstream. but we like it that way.

 

one of these days we'll figure out how to be teenage girls...

 

and still be us.

 

all the love goes to you,

Empty

[ComputerGuy]

Hey under, check your e-mail

[under_the_pressure]

Thanks for the replies. I love you too Empty. and I really enjoy talking to you ComputerGuy.

xoxo

 

Lotz Of Love,

Under

[i_hate_the_world47]

under,

i am sorry to hear about the situation with your boyfriend,.I know how it feels to love a guy but know you shouldnt. hope everything works out for the best.If you ever needt talk you can PM me.

 

~Meagan~