Double Standard or not?? ex wants me to stop......

[InaDaze87]

My recent ex and I have been trying to work on mending our friendship. We have been broken up since October of last year. We dont hate each other, we actually are still much in love with one another. The problem is we are both at the focus on ourselves as individuals stage before we can consider getting back together stage.

 

We were in a serious relationship for 2 years and things started going sour at the beginning of the second year. No cheating or anything like that, just started to lose the romance and constant fighting. She moved 2 hrs away to start law school back in August of last year and i stayed behind to finish up my undergrad before physical therapy school which is what ultimately lead to the break up for a variety of reasons. The biggest reason being that she was afraid of falling deeper in love so she pushed me away (result of her daddy/family issues).

 

So here we are now a few months later finally getting to sort things out when we spent a weekend in New Orleans together 2 weeks ago and admitting that neither of us is over the other along with a butt load of bittersweet honesty(trying to rebuild trust by telling each other EVERYTHING). The problem is in those few months we both started seeing other people so to speak (FWB). Her's is this guy she met some where that seems to be a decent guy from what she says, and he makes her feel special by doing things with her(reading, writing, same interests..etc). The thing is he has a g/f for whatever that's worth but my ex has no intention on starting a relationship with him, just enjoys his company(so she says). Of course it all makes me sick to my stomach cause of I feel like I've been benched and thats the woman I want to marry one day.

 

My (FWB) is a previous ex that I dated for 4 years prior to meeting the current ex. Needless to say my current ex strongly dislikes(hates) her and the fact that she is now a FWB makes it hurt that much worse for her. My FWB ex is nice to talk to and confide in about my problems with the current ex. She gives me pretty sound advice but I do realize that she could be bias seeing as I left her in the beginning for my current ex. I know i have no feelings what so ever for the FWB ex! She couldnt hold a candle to my current ex not to mention she has my heart! However current ex thinks otherwise I her words "you wouldnt have went back to her if there wasnt something still there. Oh, and the FWB ex is in somewhat of a relationship herself(I know Anyway now after talking to her mother(current ex) to discuss our situation, her mom confirms her suspicion and says there has to be something there between FWB ex as well. THANKS MOM!!! Mind you, my idea at the beginning of this mess was since we both are uncomfortable with the other having someone else (FWB) and clearly are still in love for both of us to cut the BS, get rid of the other people, and be exclusive with each other while we work on ourselves and bettering our relationship together. She says no and that we shouldn't rush things and only focus on ourselves until we are sure about each other and she can fix herself. Now she's even backing off again and telling me that i need to take out time to see why i went back to my ex before her because she thinks its something there and wont move forward with me until she knows and is comfortable. Oh and she claims she is fine with all of this](*,) and it's not bothering her and that she will only stop seeing her guy if she knows I have nothing for my FWB ex, she has fixed herself, and it feels right.....OMG!!! I want to find the nearest tall building and dive off head first!!!! Any advice??

[lor90236]

it sounds like you both are in a confusing state. it sounds like you both have feelings for each other, but you need to let her go so she can figure out what she needs to fix. also, it would be good for yourself to maybe go solo for a while and make sure it is what you want also. if you want to see how she reacts, trying just being nonchalant and see if she responds. also, dont be jealous of the other dudes..jealousy will only make it worse. just disappear for a while and work on yourself..hope for the best!