A little excersise that has really helped me

[TheDoctor]

As I posted a few days ago about an excersise that I'm sure I didn't invent but I would like to popularize is the controlled thinking excersise that has helped me SO very much in 1 month. It works like this

 

Days 1-2- You wake up and you tell yourself no matter what I wont think about my ex until 3 P.M. today. After that I can think all I want but nothing until 3 P.M. When 3 P.M. is up sit down and think all you want, ask all your questions, your why's and why your better off. Most likely at this stage your questions are at a blur and it's a stressful thinking.

 

Day 3-5- This gets a little harder but none the less you need to FIGHT IT! Tell yourself, no matter what I wont think of my ex from 12-6 P.M. After that, I can sit down all I want and think but everytime I even mention him/her I'll say NO NO I'm not getting into that right now. At 6 o' clock. You will begin to notice how much you enjoy your afternoon because you are truly free and there is a cause behind it.

 

Day 6-9- It really begins here where you fall into habit and your enjoying this excersise very much. By now this should be fun but challenging at the same time. Again this time we don't have any hours but rather we say we wont think of the ex until 8:00 P.M. After that I can think all I want but I wont think of him/her until then. At this point you begin to realize the truth about yourself, the reality of the situation with your ex, and you have rationalize thinking of your status in life overall.

 

Finally Days 10-12- This one is very simple, by now you don't need to tell yourself when to not think or think. It comes very naturally and you have such a rationalized understanding of your breakup that you are at peace with the situation. Try to not even hear, read, or listen to anything that associates with breaking up. I know this is hard because your losing identity with your status in life which is that of someone who has just come out of a breakup. But believe me, within just 3 days you'll see the results.

 

Overall, before this excersise I couldn't help but to talk about my ex over and over again. By the end of the week everyone asked me what has changed? Have you found closure? Because I wouldnt talk about it anymore. You will notice especially from days 3-5 that this excersise is so much fun and you are finally free. The PURPOSE of this excersise is simple. No Contact is just not enough. Sometimes, you need to not hold onto the status of being broken up. Face it, how often do WE wake up and go," My name is _________ and I just got out of a breakup. Let's see how my day will be today." Also, one important factor is getitng into the habit of forgetting about them. I know it's so fun especially for us NC'ers to sit down and dwell on why this was good but IT'S TIME TO LET GO AND BE AT PEACE! And Lastly and most importantly, this excersise is crucial for those of us whom really truly need the truth about what happened. As crazy as it sounds 3 months after my break up I still had no clue on why we really broke up. After just 1 month of this excersise I am at peace, I understand, and I laugh at the idea that I ever gave her the time of day. So please, I say this to you as a friend. Give this excersise a chance. You will be thanking yourself later! Good luck, be strong, and god bless.

[CarterJonas]

Good post Doc

 

Can I add that the associated worrying that goes with the breakup should also be included within this 'timescale'. For example at such an emotional time you might sometimes think irrationally; there is nothing wrong in this.

 

For example 'I will never love anybody as much as [my ex], or 'I will never find nobody else', @How am I going to survive this!' etc. Try and include this in your ex.'s 'time' so you don't dwell on it over and over until your life is consumed about thoughts of the ex.

[ang3l2004]

Very interesting...Thankyou for your ideas it probably will help out alot of ppl on the board that is hurt and going through a break up including myself.

[TheDoctor]

Good post Doc

 

Can I add that the associated worrying that goes with the breakup should also be included within this 'timescale'. For example at such an emotional time you might sometimes think irrationally; there is nothing wrong in this.

 

For example 'I will never love anybody as much as [my ex], or 'I will never find nobody else', @How am I going to survive this!' etc. Try and include this in your ex.'s 'time' so you don't dwell on it over and over until your life is consumed about thoughts of the ex.

 

 

Yes you may add that. Infact I encourage everyone to add their own personal scenario to this excersise. For example for us NC'ers we just cant dwell on it, but for those of you that still talk to your ex's on the phone you might want to add the fact that you might have to slow that down. The reality is, 3 months after my breakup and not one sound from her ever again I really was wondering would I ever stop thinking about it. And a voice in my head one day said," You know what you gotta do." And it works! We DESERVE better than to sit down and dwell, cry, worry, be anxious, depressed, numb, naseus, weak, or anything for some loser Ex. The truth is THEY WERENT THERE FOR YOU IN THE RELATIONSHIP, YOU THINK THEYLL BE THERE DURING THE BREAKUP? Nope....good luck to you all. You must give it a try if you are like me and chronically dwell on the situation and find yourself just grabbing your head and begging for mercy. Your mind can be a weapon against you if you cant control it.

[EatZ]

I think you should only do this if and when you're ready. Forcing yourself to not think about your ex after a hurtful break-up is a futile exercise -- it's simply not possible! It's in this time of pain you can't help but continuously think about them, the possibilities, the reasons, the if's but's and why's. Everyone wants to sift through their thoughts and feelings and emotions and grieve the loss of a relationship that meant a lot to them. There's no point denying how you feel, or pushing these thoughts and feelings to the back of your mind. It'll only come back to haunt you.

 

If you don't endure the pain now, you will weeks, months, or even years down the track.

 

Like you said though, when you're ready to move on, when you've had enough of your own depression and are READY to fight back, that's when you should start putting the mental road-blocks in place. It's a good method, and it's one that I too discovered without knowing at around the 10th week mark.

[TheDoctor]

That's very true. One night I was in my car with a group of friends and I was thinking about her non stop and it had been 3 months and there was nothing left. I just had the strength but I was lost in knowing what to do. So I finally put my foot down. Again, this excersise isnt for people who just got out of it or are still in a chronic situation of drama. This is for people who truly know its over and they need to move on as HARD as that is to understand.