Why are we constantly questioning our motives or intentions?

[find sanity]

I was wondering if with age and or experience have we gotten so cautious or paranoid of even our own motives or intentions? Long story short (I've posted my story before) my boyfriend and I split up in a sense that I asked him to move out. He is an alcoholic. I have known since day 1 of his alcoholism. He has never lied or denied his problem, he just has never said he would get help for it. After 3 1/2 years I could no longer live with the effects of said addiction. I have missed him alot. When he first moved I did the no contact for 2 weeks. I was doing good but felt that all has not been said. Anyone ever feel like that? He ended up returning for 2 days to ship his truck and remove other things to have it shipped. I told him I would wait as long as he tries to get some help. He said he would try. That was on Friday, today I got a call from him asking about our cats. We talked for a little bit and he made a comment about the cats he took. He thought he had lost them being in a new place and he said if i lose those cats I would have lost everything. I told him he did not lose me I am still here for him when he gets help. After I hung up with him I thought I would regret telling him this as I did not want to look foolish or weak. Then I started to think, why do I constantly question everything I have already said and done? It has been said for what ever reason it is it has been said. Fear, remorse, shame, weakness, retaliation, unwanted or undeserved or lack of responses, for whatever reason I constantly question my motives and intentions behind the act that has already been performed. Is there such thing as it just being what it is. With this relationship I want to know, I need to know that all has been said and done on my part. I think thats why I miss so much because I feel not all that could have been done has been done or all that could have been said has been said. Most time I don't say it out of fear of rejection but then at least I will know instead of wondering.....Long but I just wanted to share my thoughts.....

[boonpop]

I don't believe that we question everything we do, only when deep down we feel that we are wrong.

To love someone is to love them unconditionally. If you want to use a strong example, most people believe that their savior loved them despite there flaws and faults. He died for our sins meaning you have already been forgiven for any sin you can or will commit. The only thing he asks in return is that we stand beside him and his teachings.

I am have said before that I am not the religious person, but what I understand from the teachings of any religious text is to love someone means to love them despite there worst moments and there short comings. I mean, ultimately it's true that we decide whether we are going to be there for the long haul or not, but in your case, I believe you question because your actions have shown that you are tired of his problem, yet your heart hasn't decided to let go. You know that what you did was obviously enough to get his attention right? Well now that you have his attention, the real question is posed at you. What will you do next?

If you want or chose to stay with this man, then stand beside him through his recovery. Don't leave him abandoned during his time of need. Help him to seek help, and the two of you should go to counseling so he can also hear from your heart how his actions affect you. Yes, he understands that his drinking is a problem, but what a therapist may bring out is why this is so.

I believe you are questioning yourself now, because there is so much that hasn't been said and you are afraid that you may or may not be making the right decision. Truth is, everything you do or say you have to live with it everyday, so with that said, talk to him. Let him know that your love still stands and that you are there for him if he needs you during what may be his darkest hour. Let love speak from your actions then you won't feel the need to regret or second guess your decisions.