is this being vindictive?

[phasegirl]

a friend of mine and I had a verbal dispute - nothing harsh like backstabbing, but feelings were still hurt. We haven't spoken to each other since the argument. One day, she messaged me to tell me that she feels we should no longer be friends.

 

She then unfriended me from facebook and youtube. I was very surprised that a simple argument would turn out so bad.

 

Point is, that I wonder what her motives are for this: Three months later last week, I wanted to take a "baby step" in reinstating our friendship, so I "favored" a video of hers on youtube. Needless to say, she then hid the video.

 

What would her reasons be? I cannot understand why anyone would still be so angry after an argument that happened three months ago.

 

What is the point of "hiding" and privatizing all of your posts from the internet so that an ex friend won't see you?

 

How does one feel when they do that? Are they being vindictive? Why would anyone go through such great lengths? Is it to make you miss them, or because they really don't want you to see their posts??

[Scorpion Fury]

Don't cater to these stupid little games and you won't have to worry about it.

 

Call or contact her somehow and let her know that you miss her and want to try being friends again. If she refuses, then just leave her alone and don't contact her.

[Stay_home]

What was the argument about?

[3boys]

IMO, she's acting immature, but there's no telling why she's acting like this. She could feel like she's owed an apology, she could still be upset, maybe she just doesn't want to be friends with you anymore...who knows? Like the previous poster said, contact her and tell her you want to be friends again, apologize if you feel like doing so, and if she doesn't reciprocate, drop it. It's really not worth breaking your back over trying to be friends with someone who is going to play mind games with you....believe me, I know this from experience. It sucks, but in the overall scheme of things in life, it's pretty minor....

 

If I had to put money on anything, it would be that she wants you to come back and say that you were wrong and she was right. She wants you to apologize, tell her how much you miss her friendship, and how YOU shouldn't have said the things you did, absolving her of any wrongdoing. Even then, she might not come around right away, but I'd be willing to bet that might get a better response from her than simply trying to tell her you miss her friendship. She sounds like my best friend who is "right" all of the time and heaven forbid you try to disagree with her...she can hold a grudge longer than anyone I know. We're almost forty and she STILL holds them against people who did something mean to her in JUNIOR HIGH!!! She will be polite to them, but that's about it...

[phasegirl]

What was the argument about?

 

Basically, we usually hang out on a specific day/time, and when I saw she wasn't there I questioned it. She tried to say that she was sick, and couldn't meet me, etc - but the thing is that I saw her at that same time somewhere else. So when I confronted her about it, she got mad. She pretty much insisted that she was sick, and went home immediately - that I don't trust her, etc.

 

I understand her being upset cause I questioned her, but wouldn't anyone under those circumstances? So that's why I think it's silly.

[phasegirl]

We're almost forty ...

hahahaha, so am I - but SHE's in her mid forties!

[TidalWave]

She tried to say that she was sick, and couldn't meet me, etc - but the thing is that I saw her at that same time somewhere else. So when I confronted her about it, she got mad. She pretty much insisted that she was sick, and went home immediately - that I don't trust her, etc.

 

I used to get that a lot... lol...now you know how it feels to be a guy for a bit.

[3boys]

hahahaha, so am I - but SHE's in her mid forties!

 

Does she still hold grudges from 20+ years ago?

[3boys]

Basically, we usually hang out on a specific day/time, and when I saw she wasn't there I questioned it. She tried to say that she was sick, and couldn't meet me, etc - but the thing is that I saw her at that same time somewhere else. So when I confronted her about it, she got mad. She pretty much insisted that she was sick, and went home immediately - that I don't trust her, etc.

 

I understand her being upset cause I questioned her, but wouldn't anyone under those circumstances? So that's why I think it's silly.

 

OMG, if I didn't know better, I'd swear we were friends with the same person...but my "friend" isn't yet 40.

 

Let me guess, she says if the roles were reversed, she says she wouldn't have questioned you? I throw the BS flag on that one![-X

[phasegirl]

Does she still hold grudges from 20+ years ago?

 

Yeah, actually she does. She created trouble on her ex husband's blog not too long ago - and they were divorced 20+ years ago.

 

And she got rid of another longtime friend of hers because they had an argument as well. But suppossedly, this person gets angry and "throws things", so her dumping her as a friend was justified. (I don't know, I never heard of that girls story)

 

What do you think??

[phasegirl]

OMG, if I didn't know better, I'd swear we were friends with the same person...but my "friend" isn't yet 40.

 

Let me guess, she says if the roles were reversed, she says she wouldn't have questioned you? I throw the BS flag on that one![-X

 

Oh I know. She hasn't spoken to me in 3 months now, so I assume her pride's gotten in the way. She is very prideful and will never apologize for a friendship ending, even if she knows it's wrong. It's just a bad quality of hers.

 

Before she stopped speaking to me, she told me that she was the best friend to me she could have been, and that if she was such a bad friend to me (which I never accused her of), then why didn't I just walk away. Meanwhile, she was the one who dumped me one week after I spent over 200 bucks on her birthday gift. So like duh - doesn't that in itself mean that my argument is not malicious? Oh then she says that I "argue too much" - which I don't. I call it, "resolving conflicts".

[3boys]

Yeah, actually she does. She created trouble on her ex husband's blog not too long ago - and they were divorced 20+ years ago.

 

And she got rid of another longtime friend of hers because they had an argument as well. But suppossedly, this person gets angry and "throws things", so her dumping her as a friend was justified. (I don't know, I never heard of that girls story)

 

What do you think??

 

I'm telling you, they are kindred spirits

 

I'm still gonna' say she wants you to grovel and then she "might" consider being friends with you again. Personally, I'd take a long, hard look at the friendship and decide if it's worth it. I looked back on mine and realized it wasn't quite "equal"....there were definitely times when she was there for me, but there was a lot more giving on my part than taking.

[phasegirl]

I'm telling you, they are kindred spirits

 

I'm still gonna' say she wants you to grovel and then she "might" consider being friends with you again. Personally, I'd take a long, hard look at the friendship and decide if it's worth it. I looked back on mine and realized it wasn't quite "equal"....there were definitely times when she was there for me, but there was a lot more giving on my part than taking.

 

So did you guys remain friends?

 

Many people say this same thing - they say she may consider being friends with me again. But the thing is that while I do miss her, I really don't think I've done anything wrong. I had apologized to her when we were "arguing", but since she was angry, I told her that it's not my fault she feels wronged by her own action (so I guess my statement kind of retracted the apology lol).

[Scorpion Fury]

She got caught in a lie and feels dumb. She sounds like a drama queen. What exactly are her redeeming qualities? I haven't even met her, and I almost want a valium.

[3boys]

So did you guys remain friends?

 

Many people say this same thing - they say she may consider being friends with me again. But the thing is that while I do miss her, I really don't think I've done anything wrong. I had apologized to her when we were "arguing", but since she was angry, I told her that it's not my fault she feels wronged by her own action (so I guess my statement kind of retracted the apology lol).

Honestly, I'm not sure what's going on with our friendship. I did the same type of apology...I said "I'm sorry you feel that way" because I don't think I was wrong in telling her I didn't like how she was acting and pointing out how she was being a hypocrite. We spoke on Christmas and she said she would call the following Monday, but I haven't heard a peep. She kept saying how "busy" she was so I said I'd leave it up to her to contact me when she had a chance....I guess she hasn't had a chance yet. I sent her a text last week, but she never responded to that, either....then again, she says her phone (an LG EnV touch, I think) supposedlydoesn't "get" the texts or voice mails she receives if it's off when they're sent (oddly enough, they're just MY texts/voicemails that don't come through...my SIL has the same phone, same provider and we tried it with hers and my stuff comes through just fine when it's off and turned on???), and heaven forbid she goes and buys the $40 battery so she can use her old phone (which worked just fine until her soon-to-be ex-husband took the battery). As bad as it sounds, I really don't miss her that much. I have enough going on in my life right now with health issues to have to worry about her drama too. I don't miss watching her tantrums and hearing about how "unfair" everything is because she's not getting her way.