13 year age difference- She thinks it can't work

[StandTall]

My ex and I have been apart for 3 months now. There has been the occasional phone call, but for the most part it has been no contact. She called me out of the blue the other day to see how I was doing. I was actually able to have a conversation without falling apart, and it was good to hear from her. We hung up with no plans to talk again anytime soon. It was raining, so my afternoon was open. Against my better judgement, I called her back so see if she wanted to meet for a drink. She said yes. It was incredible to see her again- We went for a nice dinner, and caught up. I was very quiet, and she asked why. I told her that it was somewhat surreal to be there with her, but it was nice. Then the jaw dropper- She asked me back to her place. I knew I wouldn't have much luck listening to the small voice which told me not to go. We went back to her place, and talked for hours. I got to voice some things that had bothered me which I never had a chance to say before. I let her know that my feelings for her still ran very deep, and she cried and told me that she hoped we weren't making a mistake by getting together like this. I really couldn't think that far, as I was just enjoying being there with her. I spent the night, and we had an amazing time. The next morning, I joked about playing hookey. She said she couldn't. A short while later, she came into the room to tell me that she made a call, and took the day off. I felt on top of the world! We spent the day together, and talked some more. Although I could tell she cares a great deal for me, I also knew that the prospect of us getting back together scares her. We have a 13 year age difference- She is older. She is convinced that this will become an issue down the road. I told her that I love her, and her age is irrelevant to me. I didn't want to push things. Within 24 hours, we had gone from "Meeting for a drink to "Should we get back together". I certainly don't want her to feel forced into something she doesn't want. I told her is nothing to feel giulty about as far as us getting together for a night- It was a decision we both made. I have spoken to her since we got together, and can tell she was a bit shaken by it. We have plans to get together over the weekend. I told her to relax, that nothing has to be decided overnight. Obviously, this leaves me in the difficult position of limbo. I want to be with her, but not for the wrong reasons. If it doesn't work out, I told her that I can't handle the occasional get together like this right now. If anyone has any advice, I would so greatly appreciate it.

 

Thanks!

[kdreger]

There's an important fact missing here: what is your age and what is hers. Age difference is an issue based on the amount and the ages of the people. For example 18 vs 31 is a bigger deal than 31 vs 43. The reality is in the first case the 18 year old doesn't have close to the same life experiences. In the second case, the 43 year old is... woohoo getting lucky!!! heheheh

 

Seriously, if there is enough in common that you have a good time together, age shouldn't matter. The time when you run into problems is when your lives go in different directions due to the age difference (the issue of kids, meeting inlaws, sex drives, work, income etc).

[bischou]

i'm 38 he's 25

 

we have had a few issues mostly about what his parents might think and his friends (i've met neither yet) it's only been 5 months, we're happy together we both want to be together, the emotion is starting now so let's wait and see

 

at the end of the day, if you are both happy it doesn't matter what other people think

[lonelyandblue]

She is very wise. I never thought that it would change between my husband and I, but seven years later, I am very unhappy. Things do change. Things you wouldn't even think about.

[Alchemy]

There's a 32 year age gap in my relationship...!!!! yes 32 years.. I'm 60 and my girlfriend is 28. Of course i have no illusions about how long it will last... (its been 18 months so far) but why should that matter.... its good while it lasts. And i think that's the key here. We shouldn't try to see too far into the future.

[cswft]

That's fine when you're together and happy but when it ends someone always gets hurt.

 

I'm 37 and my recently ex partner is 26. We were together 6 years and friends for 2 before that. At first I had a major problem with it becuase I was 31 and he was still 20. He did the chasing and eventually there was so much chemistry that I gave into it. It was a great 6 years. We've been apart 5 weeks now (his decision) and I'm hoping for a reconcilliation but I have no idea if it will happen. he's earning a fabulous wage, has a fantastic job but other things came between us (life changing issues like death etc). We lost the spark. He now wants us to spend time together as friends and hasn't said we don't have a future (he hasn't said we do either). He loves me and wants to protect me. He misses me, wants to be able to see me, values my advice and sees me as his best friend, he just says he doesn't feel that way about me anymore. I think that's where the age thing comes into it. He expects there to be a spark all the time and doesn't expect to have to work hard to keep the relationship together. I have explained that with all the positives he needs to focus on that and see what happens. He says he has no idea what may.may not happen in the future. I'm frustrated by this because i know we have a lot going for us.

 

We'll see what happens but it was always me that had the issue with the age thing. We didn't look odd together or anything but it bothered me sometimes but it has never bothered him.

 

It's true though. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - it's how you feel and what you think that matters.

[TrueLife]

Hey this is an issue a lot of people are dealing with. Dating an older woman can be hard because of the inherent differences in social dynamics, but it can also transcend that and prove to be worth all the "what if's" and "buts". MTV is actually casting a couple who are in the exact same situation as you. You should check it out if you want to share your story with others. You can google MTV casting and scroll down to the "TrueLife" section.